Family Holiday Gatherings: How to Thrive, Not Just Survive

Relationships are the doctoral program of life lessons. And nowhere is that more apparent than at the annual family holiday gathering (also known as the dreaded yearly oral exam).

Let’s face it, spending time with family can be tricky any time of year, but there’s something about the pressure of the holidays that can bring out the absolute worst in even the most loving tribe. For some families, holiday events are a masquerade ball with everyone straining to convey harmony while struggling to hide their apathy and antipathy. For others, they’re knock down, drag out brawls worthy of the mixed martial arts Xtreme Fighting Championships.

Looking for a little help?
Try some of these tips.

Weigh the pros and cons. Clear your head, find a calm moment and decide whether it is best for you to attend or not to attend—that is the (first) question.
Exercise portion control. Plan shorter visits for just appetizers or dessert.
Refresh your memory. Reflect on the issues and dynamics that have proven your undoing at past events and plan a more constructive approach.
Dig deeper. How do you contribute to the tension? Can you relax your judgmental mind and focus on understanding others’ points of view?
Pay attention. Family rooted uncomfortable emotions can be easily triggered. Recognizing them quickly can help you deal with them more effectively and minimize the damage.
Be gracious. Demonstrate respect and compassion for yourself and everyone involved.
Seek to understand. Get to the heart of things by asking questions in a genuinely curious, relaxed, open, undefensive way. Read Sharon Ellison’s Taking the War Out of Our Words or Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.
Be patient. Real change—in you and your family members—takes time.
Take care of yourself. If the atmosphere isn’t safe, leave. Gather with friends, do volunteer work or nurture, encourage and delight yourself—ALL ALONE.
Call a friend. Regain your sense of perspective and much appreciated support by debriefing after the visit with someone you trust.

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

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About djwlifecoach

I am retired from 40+ years of helping individuals and teams build lives and organizations they love. One of the great joys of my retirement from professional practice is having greater bandwidth to donate my professional and creative talents to support and promote animal and social welfare charities. During my 30 years as an organization transformation consultant, I served as a senior partner in four of the world’s largest, most prestigious global professional services firms. In 2005, I took a five-year sabbatical to find healing and peace because non-stop work had taken its toll. My recovery from burnout led to finding my purpose guiding others on their journeys. As a board-certified coach, author, consultant, radio host, Reiki Master and EFT/tapping practitioner, I share hope, possibilities and empowerment with the world. 111419 DJW Sid CH Pet Corner Photo ShootI help clients achieve rapid, extraordinary, sustainable results by connecting who they are with what they do, a connection often lost through stress and the sheer busy-ness of daily life. Courageous self-awareness and unconditional self-love lead to honest choices based on priorities that nurture you and those around you on a journey to wholeness. Decades in coaching, consulting, change management, organization development, human resources and mixed media artistic expression honed my business sense, professionalism, creativity, intuition, leadership and communication skills. The result? Practical tools that help you become more insightful, creative, committed, productive and fulfilled. Even the most dedicated and hard-working individuals can shift from frustration to a sense of futility when their values, passion, work, and lives become disconnected. One of the problems with not taking care of our health is that the effects of ignoring it are often slow to show up. We continue to juggle family responsibilities, work and finances until we lose ourselves, waking up one day 50 pounds heavier in body and soul—no good to ourselves or anyone else. I love working with people who are ready to take life-changing action to make their dreams a reality. At each moment, you have inside you all the wisdom you seek to choose your life and your way of showing up. Limiting thoughts, beliefs and feelings can block you from moving forward. An absence of love and concern for yourself can result in negative head talk that holds you back with discouraging messages about who you are and what you can do. By listening and caring deeply, I guide you in connecting with your own inner wisdom. We identify the way you’d like to live. We determine what’s blocking you and release you from the hold those blocks have over you—unleashing the positive energy that will fuel you forward. Together we develop a plan to move you closer to your heart’s desire. My books, blog, radio show and signature coaching programs help individuals and organizations harness the transformative energy of love to turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities and step into their greatness. What’s love got to do with it? Everything! My book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! (Hay House/ Balboa Press 2013) shares my story and the stories of 10 of my clients along with my signature Discovery Framework. For fun, I love reading, sewing, knitting, yin yoga, afternoon tea, opera and movies. I live in Williamsburg, Virginia with my spouse, Wilson Abney, and the cat who runs our life, Maisy Jane.

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