The Game of Life

In the previous post we explored the power of curiosity in neutralizing the fear-fueled, judgmental, discouraging, self-sabotaging and downright cruel voice in our heads. Here’s a brief recap before diving into today’s real life example of curiosity in action.

Fear festers in dark and isolation. The moment you expose fear to examination in the light, you begin to dissipate its power. Nowhere is this more true than when fear shows up as its relentless ugly cousin, judging.

When I talk about judging or judgment, I’m not referring to having good or bad discernment. I’m talking about judging yourself, other people, and situations in dualistic terms such as good or bad, right or wrong, okay or not okay. When we judge things by such simplistic, restrictive polarities, we limit our options, get stuck, and block ourselves from the highest good. When we can neutralize the judge, we get unstuck, expand our possibilities, and increase our ability to grow and move forward.

Judging is a prison of our own making. It is downright miraculous how even a small change in your perception can dramatically expand your perspective. To illustrate, here’s one of countless examples from my own life.

Judging is a prison of our own making

However unconscious the process may feel at the time, I am manifesting the world I choose to see. This is the reason the game of golf can be perceived as any or all of the following, depending on your lenses:

  1. a delightful afternoon immersed in nature,
  2. an exhilarating and rewarding competitive event,
  3. a fun way to exercise with friends, and/or
  4. an endless day of humiliation and torture.

Let’s look at my own experience with golf to access this insight more deeply. When we lived on the East Coast, my husband and I owned a vacation home in the Blue Ridge Mountains. When my son, Matt, was eleven years old, we enrolled him in kids’ camp to help him enjoy his time there even more by spending it being active outdoors with his peers. One weekend in August, he signed up for a daylong sports camp that provided tennis instruction in the morning and golf in the afternoon. He returned home at the end of the day utterly smitten with golf.

We were so thrilled by Matt’s enthusiasm that we enrolled in a family golf clinic so the three of us could learn and play together. We were all beginners, out there to have fun and enjoy the beauty of the Blue Ridge Mountains. We passed many a delightful afternoon playing nine holes. With a tee time late in the day and no one behind us on the course, we could take our time, observing the privilege of unlimited mulligans (do-overs) and stopping to harvest lost golf balls in the woods. Advancing the little white ball down the fairway to the little white cup was always secondary to having a good time.

Until I switched to a consulting firm where golf was not a hobby but a responsibility. One of the benefits—nay, expectations—of being a partner in this firm was that I would play golf with my colleagues and clients. In fact, I would be expected to woo prospective clients on the golf course. To do that, I was expected to be a moderately good golfer, not an embarrassment to my firm and myself.

Gone were the leisurely afternoons on my beloved Blue Ridge golf course. Now my games with family became practice for the performance my partners expected me to deliver. While swearing was not the norm for me, now when I missed the first two shots off the tee, I swore. Now when I hit a shot into a sand trap, I threw my club down the fairway while swearing. When this happened, I’d explain to my companions that my father had been in the merchant marines. They’d say, “Did he swear a lot?” “No,” I’d reply, “evidently it skipped a generation.”

Because children don’t do what we say but rather do what they see us do, it’s unsurprising that, in short order, my eleven-year-old was also throwing his clubs and swearing like a sailor. That’s when I finally got a grip. Matt and I agreed that when either of us behaved badly on the course, we had to take a time-out together in the golf cart until both of us had returned to civility. As a result, Matt and I went through a period where we spent more time in the golf cart than on the course. This may have been just as well, because we were living proof that anger is not necessarily a performance enhancer.

One day, weary of swearing, throwing clubs, and spending time in the cart, the two of us sat there, arms crossed, scowling. After a few minutes of reflection, I said, “Babe, this has got to stop. Neither of us is having any fun anymore. I think I’ve figured out my problem. I’m imagining the potentially angry, ridiculing voices of my partners in my head, and I can’t relax and have fun when I’ve put them in there to beat me up. What’s going on in your head?” He looked at me with all the disgust of a kid who believes his parent has gone ’round the bend and said, “I have no idea. I don’t even know your new partners!”

Here is the essence of what I have learned from over sixty years on this earth. The nugget, the kernel, the gem. The only hope for finding peace in this life—not just comfort but deep abiding peace—is to be insatiably, fearlessly curious about myself.

Be Curious

Not just the attractive ways I show up—my kindness, compassion, wisdom, generosity, and humor. It is important for me to acknowledge those things, but it is not enough. I need to be endlessly inquisitive about all of it, especially the unattractive habits—my insensitivity, impatience, obsession, bitterness, anger, anxiety, and despair. I have grown the most and found deep abiding peace only by embracing the ugly parts as well: appalling thoughts, speech, and behavior. It all matters and must be considered in the mix—the good, the bad, the pretty, and the ugly. All of it acknowledged with courage, compassion, and love. This concoction of disparate and dissonant motivations and behaviors is what it means to be human.

We are all capable of the full range of human motivations and behaviors; none of us is exempt. Refusing to see any part of it, lulling myself into oblivion by clinging to an incomplete, distorted Polly Perfect self-image always leads to my undoing. The greater and deeper the denial, the longer and harder the fall because that which is denied will wreak havoc. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But the longer I look without seeing and hear without listening, the more I stand to lose.

The great irony is that I’m the only person fooled when I deny the full truth of how I show up. I broadcast it through what I say and when I am silent. Through the actions I take and the times I fail to act. Through what I cherish and what I reject. Through what I long for and what I fear. I am the only one kept in the dark by living a life of denial about myself.

One of the greatest gifts I can give anyone is having the honesty and courage to see and share myself fully so that we both might benefit from our shared insight, compassion, and good humor—failures, resilience, victories. We are here to help each other grow by sharing without reservation the only thing we have to give—our authentic selves.

Authenticity is Your Greatest Gift

The only person controlling your life is you! Choose your energy and change your life. If you want to keep making yourself miserable and continue contaminating the energy of every situation you encounter, stop reading and keep doing what you’re doing. But if you have had enough, if you are ready to stop the insanity, keep reading. You are going to love what happens when you learn to embrace the next aspect of love in a new two-part series beginning next month: COMPASSION. 

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“Deborah’s book, ‘Choose Your Energy: Change our Life!,’ could benefit anyone for any reason. She is so honest in her own personal struggle and journey over many years, it is most inspiring and touching to see the person she has become. If we could all read this book and benefit from her experiences, it would be a better world! Her principles and approaches that are so eloquently documented in this book, have benefited me during our coaching sessions over the last six months. She has shared all the tools and techniques necessary to have a fulfilling life based on love of yourself FIRST.” Marla Ofstad

 

“Deborah’s message is passionate, simple and consistent throughout the book, guiding you to find your own voice and path toward being present in all aspects of your life. This is the book I pick up time and again to center my thinking and my life.” Audrey Smith, Executive Director, Hospice House & Support Care of Williamsburg, Virginia 

 

“I have known Deborah Jane Wells for many years and am witness to the amazing transformation she describes in her book ‘Choose Your Energy:Change Your Life!’ In it, she has translated the skills she honed as a world-renowned consultant and coach into practical strategies, tools and techniques the reader can readily use in their own transformation. The examples she describes–from her own life and the lives of her clients–show how this system plays out in real life and helps each reader apply these tools in their own life. This book also provides a structure you can use to apply these concepts and a ready reference when you need reminders. It is definitely worth having.” Vicki L. Dungan, Management Consultant and Real Estate Investor

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

CURIOSITY: Your Perspective-Altering, Stress-Busting SUPER POWER

Fear festers in dark and isolation. The moment you expose fear to examination in the light, you begin to dissipate its power. Nowhere is this more true than when fear shows up as its relentless ugly cousin, judging.

When I talk about judging or judgment, I’m not referring to having good or bad discernment. I’m talking about judging yourself, other people, and situations in dualistic terms such as good or bad, right or wrong, okay or not okay. When we judge things by such simplistic, restrictive polarities, we limit our options, get stuck, and block ourselves from the highest good. When we can neutralize the judge, we get unstuck, expand our possibilities, and increase our ability to grow and move forward.

CURIOSITY: Instead of judging, I wonder why.

When a ship at sea changes course by just one degree, one hundred miles later it is in completely different—potentially smoother—waters than it would have been without that small modification in direction. Internal shifts are even more profound. It is downright miraculous how even a small change in your perception can dramatically expand your perspective.

As human beings, many of us have a robust judging dialogue running in our heads much of the time: This is good for me. That would be bad for you. I was bad to do that. You were good to do that. You were bad to say no. I was good to say yes.

We’re not talking about torturing ourselves over real danger or life-and-death situations here. We’re talking about how much you spent on that blouse. Why you ate that second piece of pie at dinner. Why you tend to become impatient with your youngest child. Why you keep gaining weight. Why, no matter how hard you try, your mother-in-law can find the flaw in anything you do. Why despite his promise to do so, your husband never remembers to put the trash out on Wednesday nights. Judging is a prison of our own making.

CURIOSITY: Instead of judging, I wonder why.

 

We obsess until we’ve turned something inconsequential into a huge, paralyzing, misery-making melodrama. The solution is quite simple: just say no. Next time your brother-in-law or the voice in your head wants to play the blame game with you, just say no! Demonstrate greater creativity and suggest a game of curiosity instead.

Start with a question like this: If I am mistaken about his motivation, what might really be going on? If this isn’t about me, what are three other potential explanations that have nothing to do with me? And if one of those is the real explanation, what role do I choose to play in this situation?

Because whether it’s the voice in your head or the one coming from your older sister, you don’t have to play any role. You can listen politely and say, “I appreciate you sharing that. Let me ponder it and get back to you.” Then go about your business. You do not have to engage in every potential disagreement you’re invited to. Newsflash: in your life, you are the great decider.

CURIOSITY: Instead of judging, I wonder why.Once you get the knack, you’re going to love the feeling of trading judging for curiosity. It’s not a forced march, a different set of rules you must follow to be a “better” person. It’s a gift of grace accepted freely and with gratitude, an honor and a privilege filled with joy and wonder. By discovering possibilities you never imagined, you open the door wide and go bounding through to endless opportunities.

Sometimes, despite copious curiosity, there is no clear, 100-percent-verifiable answer. In those situations, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer taught me to ask, “Which thought moves me forward?” For example, I can’t prove or disprove to a 100 percent certainty the presence of an all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful Life Force in which everything is sourced and empowered. I find believing in such a Force expands my opportunities and moves me forward in loving, wise, powerful ways, whereas believing life is random and meaningless leaves me depressed and stuck. For me, it’s an easy choice: I choose being fully alive.

Given that judging is a prison of our own making, here is an added bonus, your so-called get-out-of-jail-free card: 95 percent of the time, other people do things for their own reasons. It has nothing to do with me. Even when it looks like it’s directed at me, even when they tell me it’s all my fault, there’s a 95-percent chance it still has little or nothing to do with me. The corollary is also true: even when I think it’s all your fault, most likely it’s not. It’s probably mostly about me. We each carry around so many assumptions, filters and lenses from our cultures, families, past disappointments, and future fears that it’s nearly impossible for any one of us to be the sole cause of anything in someone else’s life.

CURIOSITY: Instead of judging, I wonder why.

So if it’s not about me, instead of making myself crazy with destructive head chatter, how about investing my energy in being curious about what it might really be about. Better yet, how about releasing you with love, light, and respect to figure that out for yourself? Meanwhile, I can choose to do the same. Focus my energy on my own life, learn my next lesson, figure out what my next opportunity might be, and keep moving myself forward on my own path. Because, as we learned in exploring respect, I’m here to be the best me I can be. What you choose to make of your own life is completely up to you.

Becoming conscious and claiming your personal power to neutralize the judge will yield immeasurable benefits. You will literally be able to redefine your world, because there is no absolute reality, only the story you tell yourself about what is happening and what it means. Every being, encounter, and experience that comes my way is filtered through a conglomeration of lenses that results in my unique perceptions. These lenses cause me to see my world in a certain way. They are influenced by my unique and complex mix of myriad factors: the family, cultural, and societal norms I was taught; my physical and mental abilities; my personality and natural talents; my birth order; the patterns I deduced from all my past experiences; and the assumptions I’ve presumed concerning what’s likely and possible in the future.

I create my reality in each moment by choosing what I will think, believe, feel, and do based on what my lenses allow. I can choose to look through the lens of fear and remain weighed down and self-imprisoned, or I can choose the lens of love and embrace a life of freedom and flow. No outside event or situation, no other person can dictate my attitude. In my life, I AM THE GREAT DECIDER!

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“My library is filled with self-help books, stories of personal transformation, and books about coaching, leadership, and psychology. ‘Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!’ combines elements of all of these genres and will lead you on a personal journey to self-understanding, self-acceptance, and self-love. Lest you think that sounds ‘self-ish,’ let me assure you that, as Deborah explains very effectively in her ‘Lesson of the Oxygen Mask’ in part I, chapter 2, those qualities are essential for every aspect of your life, including your relationships with others. The best gift that you can give yourself—and others—is the gift of self-love, which leads to an authentic life of truly expressing yourself in all that you do. This work and the Discovery Framework that she so eloquently describes are powerful and transformational. Deborah is a guide with ultimate credibility—not only has she mastered coaching skills, but she’s wise and intuitive, she’s been on this path herself, and she freely and generously desires to share the wisdom she’s learned on that journey. Through her book, we all now have her words and wisdom available any time we want a guide to living an authentic life filled with love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude.” Liz Phillips Fisch, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP, M.Ed., Vice President, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

 

“With a theme like ‘When you fall in love with yourself, everything else falls into place’ how can you go wrong? That’s what I felt as I opened up and absorbed myself into the pages of Deborah’s book. The book was a constant and gentle reminder of how to love ourselves first, and be compassionate at all times so that we can show up as our best selves in the world. The vast amount of tools and insights further deepened my understanding and appreciation for the importance of TRUE self-love. We’re so busy taking care of others, we often neglect ourselves. And in her book, Deborah continues to bring home the point that if we aren’t good to ourselves, we cannot be good to anyone else. This book showed me how and it will show you too.” Kim Clausen

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Stressed Out and Stuck?

Getting the blues occasionally is common. I know first-hand how debilitating long-term discouragement can become if left unchecked, having suffered multiple episodes of depression in my lifetime.

Stressed Out and Stuck?

During my 30 years as an organization transformation consultant, I served as a senior partner in four of the world’s largest, most prestigious global professional services firms. In 2005, I took a five-year sabbatical to find healing and peace because non-stop work had taken its toll. My recovery from burnout, including a sustained 80-pound weight loss and freedom from 10 years of debilitating depression, led to finding my purpose sharing hope, possibilities and empowerment with the world. Through healing and self-exploration, I discovered that loving yourself unconditionally is the key to transforming your personal life, your work and the world:

  • Approaching life with love, respect, curiosity and compassion always reveals and advances the highest good, for all, in all, through all.
  • Gratitude for Universal abundance anchors each moment in generous, effortless, gracious flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy.

What If You Are the Love of Your Life?

It all starts with embracing the amazing and liberating possibility that the love of your life just might be you. Many people tell me it feels selfish to think in those terms and that we are supposed to love and care for “our neighbor.” I remind them we are also supposed to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” Many of us would end up in court or prison if we treated our neighbors the way we treat ourselves.

Love is All You Need

I am reminded of the adage, “Charity begins at home.” If, according to Merriam-Webster’s 2011 dictionary, charity is “benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity” or at a minimum “lenient judgment of others,” then I suggest it has to begin at home; it has to begin with me. My ability to love others unconditionally is directly dependent on whether I love myself unconditionally. While, as a good actor, I can fake it by keeping all the judgmental voices inside my head, as with many things in life, there is a vast difference between faking it and the real thing.

So what does this kind of love look like? According to a well-known treatise on the subject found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 of the Bible (New International Version),

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Imagine applying these to yourself. Being patient with and kind to yourself. Not being envious, believing you deserve the best of everything. Always honoring and trusting your personal truth. Respecting your abilities and the decisions you have made. Always nurturing and protecting yourself. Persevering with loyalty to yourself no matter what. Paying attention to and demonstrating compassion for whatever you are feeling. Recognizing and being grateful for your many gifts and talents. Pierre Tielhard de Chardin captured the importance of this way of living when he wrote, “Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, [we] will have discovered fire.”

The love of your life is YOU!

This is the very heart of the personal transformation I’ve experienced in my own life and the lives of my clients. With the compassionate guidance of many spiritual elders, I am learning to harness the energy of love and approach myself, every being, encounter, and experience with love.

This way of living is a path, a journey, not a destination. It is not about self-improvement. It is about becoming aware and awakening my heart, moment by moment, day by day. This path to deep peace, lasting joy and meaningful relationships begins with a three-part commitment to myself:

  1. I matter.
  2. I fuel myself with optimal constructive energy.
  3. I am powerful.

It is interesting that those who learn to fall in love with themselves are actually less likely to behave selfishly. Their joy and peace are contagious. They show up in their families, friendships and workplaces with a spring in their step and a zest for living that carries them, and those around them, forward in new and exciting directions.

Fall in love with yourself!

The bottom line? It’s not just okay to fall in love with yourself. It’s essential. When you fall in love with yourself, everything else finally falls into place. This transformation arises from a fundamental shift in your head and heart. Once love transforms your relationship with yourself, it can’t help but transform your personal life and work in ways that will exhilarate you. Your more constructive personal energy will automatically transform every being and situation you encounter. You will, by your very presence, quite literally transform the world.

The Components of Constructive Core Energy

Love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude are not just five woo-woo, New Age words I pulled out of thin air because they sounded Zen and cool. They were revealed to me individually, real-time as I lived through the phases of my own dramatic and highly personal healing and transformation in the wake of burnout.

  • Love: I nurture, encourage and delight myself in healthy ways.
  • Respect: I honor my choices; I do the best I can with the love and light I have at the time.
  • Curiosity: Instead of judging, I wonder why.
  • Compassion: I acknowledge and value my feelings.
  • Gratitude: I appreciate my life; everything is an opportunity. 

Love, Respect, Curiosity & Compassion

The formula for making these principles a way of life is simple to explain. In every situation, love yourself enough to pay attention to every aspect of your life. Respect everything you are experiencing—what you are thinking, feeling, deciding, saying and doing. Determine whether the energy underneath is love or fear. If it’s love, you are probably on your authentic path. If it’s fear, demonstrate compassion for yourself. Foster gratitude by reminding yourself that everything is an opportunity. Then further neutralize the fear by bringing curiosity to bear. Explore every aspect of the situation, especially your internal landscape, and identify all of the opportunities available to you through this unique experience. As with any new skill, practice will help this way of being become a healthy new habit—your automatic response to every situation.

Gratitude fosters flow!

In summary, figure out what you want, understand whether it’s fueled by fear, transform any fear into love, set your intention, and then get ready to receive it, because it will happen. 

To help yourself remain mindful of this healthier new habit, try incorporating relevant affirmations that anchor your desire for constructive core energy. Here are three of my personal favorites:

  • God is God, I am God’s and love is the greatest power in the Universe.
  • I consecrate my choices: thoughts, words and deeds. I never use them to injure or deceive myself or others.
  • I fill my heart with love, compassion and gratitude. I align myself with the highest good. Blessed be all through me.

The Core Energy Scan

With this rudimentary understanding of the roles of love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude in fostering constructive core energy and manifesting a life of flow, you are better equipped to notice when any one of the big five would benefit from recalibration and what form that might take. When, despite your best efforts, you become discouraged because you’ve temporarily strayed from the path of loving yourself unconditionally, a real-time Core Energy Scan can help you identify which aspects of your thinking would benefit from recalibration and what form that might take.

Core Energy Scan

Above you will find a snapshot of the worksheet used for the scan. In my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!, I provide a variety of scans to help you recognize when you are out of alignment and get yourself back on track, including the Core Energy Scan. Click here to download a FREE full-size, color version of my Core Energy Scan, along with full-size, color versions of all of the other illustrations and scans included in my book. 

The Core Energy Scan consists of a five-step process, with each step grounded in caring enough about yourself to do the following: 

  • Pay attention so that you notice quickly whenever fear creeps into your energetic mix.
  • Invest your energy in assessing the root cause of the fear.
  • Determine what baby steps will strengthen the presence of love in your reality.
  • Hold yourself accountable for following through on your commitment to take action.
  • Assess your results and continuously refine and expand your action plan to maximize the presence of love and minimize the presence of fear in the core energy with which you fuel your life.

Having gotten honest with myself, if the results of the scan indicate there is something significant to explore but I don’t yet feel able to go deeper, I demonstrate respect and compassion by not forcing myself. I relax into exactly where I am on my journey. Caring enough about myself to notice and explore my unhappiness plants the seed for emerging insights. Whenever I invest my energy in conducting the scan, I’ve already taken an additional step toward recognizing unresolved fear inside me and moving myself forward on my personal journey to wholeness.

You're worth the effort!

You are worth the effort. With practice, you will turn unconditional self-love into a healthy new habit that will become a way of life. When love takes over your core energy, you will begin building the less stressful, more fulfilling life you dream of.

The only person controlling your life is you. Turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities by harnessing the transformative power of love to step into your greatness. Choose your energy and change your life!

Mood Booster Bonus Tool

Here’s a bonus tool for turning your mood around when you feel down. It’s a proven best practice for boosting your sense of hope and fostering a spirit of optimism and gratitude. It’s much more effective than consuming a pint of ice cream in one sitting. What’s this powerful technique?

How to Lighten Your Load

Lend a helping hand to someone else in need.

Nothing cures the blues like taking your eyes off yourself and reaching out to help another. I have a client who used volunteering to help heal herself from the severe depression that followed her husband’s many years of suffering and death from cancer. While she was working with me to learn how to demonstrate unconditional love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude for herself and her painful journey in each moment, she also reached out with passion and commitment to help others in need in her local community.

When you serve others—and help lighten their loads—you make a difference. Knowing you’ve had a constructive impact in someone else’s life provides you a renewed sense of meaning and accomplishment.

Next time things aren’t going your way and you are starting to feel down, in addition to conducting a Core Energy Scan to strengthen your demonstration of unconditional love for yourself, try doing something kind for someone else as well. It may be as simple as paying a compliment to a stranger or holding the door for a parent with a small child. Not only will you make that person’s day, you just may make your day too.

Lend a Helping Hand

Who do you know that could use a helping hand today? Whose burden can you help lighten right now?

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

Anne Barton“Here is what I know about Deborah Jane Wells … she walks her talk. I was a witness to her process for writing this book and she followed her energy and her heart every step of the way. The principles and wisdom shared in her book, along with practical steps for truly creating meaningful change in your life, come from Deborah’s personal life experience and that of many of her clients. In life she is curious, courageous, loving, spiritual and always willing to delve deeper to understand herself better. And she offers this same support and guidance for all who cross her path. Deborah embodies a unique combination of an organized, well-developed left brain balanced by a strong connection to her creativity and inner capacities. As a result, ‘Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!’ offers a holistic approach to personal growth. This book is filled with engaging personal stories and a series of tools that you’ll use throughout your life.” Anne Barton, Founder, The E Life

 

Rev. David A. Johnson

“I was trained as a research scientist over a half-century ago. The agreed-upon methodology centered upon empirical evidence. Such evidence was continually subject to verification—or falsification—through repeated experimentation and re-interpretation. By virtue of this iterative process, narratives and subjective experiences were de-valued or dis-credited entirely. Only objective/dispassionate experiences and observations were worthy of serious scrutiny. All scientific publications, research proposals and presentations to professional meetings were expected to be grounded in objectivity. Story-telling was viewed, at best, as a harmless diversion from the search for truth.

Deborah Jane Wells, in her 2013 memoir ‘Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!,’ brings personal narrative—and love—back to their proper places in human understanding. Drawing upon her decades of experience as a writer, speaker and empowerment coach, she recognizes the important distinction between ‘stuff that’s true’ and ‘stuff that matters.’ To be sure these two realms are overlapping, not mutually exclusive. Yet their methodological focus is different. Personal narrative gives essential recognition to the ambiguity, paradoxes, contradictions, chaos and imperfections that constitute every living system. Life unfolds through tinkering and testing, not via ‘intelligent design.’ I recall the words of the biologist Lewis Thomas, who observed (in ‘The Medusa and the Snail,’ 1974), ‘The capacity to blunder slightly is the real marvel of DNA. Without this special attribute, we would still be anaerobic bacteria. And there would be no music.’

If you are comfortable with life’s ambiguities, contradictions, and contingencies and if you are able to welcome ‘the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ as gifts for learning and maturing, then Deborah Jane Wells’ compelling memoir into ‘stuff that matters’ will invite your engagement. You may even be prompted to re-consider some of your favorite hobby-horses and learned limitations.” Rev. David A. Johnson, Interim Minister, Williamsburg Unitarian Universalists, Virginia

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

The Liberation Found in Going with the Flow

Have you ever known someone who seemed to be born with all the advantages—money, status, intelligence, opportunity—but floundered and ricocheted through life in a constant state of frustration, lack and misery?

Have you ever known someone who appeared to be born with a ton of limitations—poverty, abandonment, academic challenges, maybe even a few run-ins with the law—but transcended it all to live happily and gratefully, despite circumstances, becoming responsible, successful and widely respected?

What was the difference between the two? Why did the one for whom you’d think gratitude and success should have been easy, never thrive? And the other, who could have found plenty of reasons to wallow in self-pity and limitation, do just the opposite?

Your attitude creates your reality

So what are the keys to fostering an optimistic attitude? It’s a construct I call “living in flow.” What is flow, and what does falling in love with yourself have to do with finding it? While you may study a more in-depth explanation in my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! (Hay House/Balboa Press 2013), here’s a quick summary.

When you fuel all aspects of yourself with love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude, you begin living in flow. Your life becomes a fluid Journey to Wholeness grounded in who you are being, not what you are doing. Every breath, thought, word, and act—your very presence—fosters a generous, effortless, gracious life of flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy.

  • Faith: I am confident that love is the greatest power in the Universe.
  • Hope: Universal love is always unfolding the highest good for all, in all, through all.
  • Prosperity: My Universal Source is excellent, limitless and reliable.
  • Peace: I relax into all that was, is and will be.
  • Joy: Whatever my circumstances, I know who I am and Whose I am: a unique cocreative expression of the Divine.

I live in flow: being not doing

When living in flow, work, rest and play all feel the same. Organic. Effortless. Force is not needed to accomplish anything; in fact, its use would be detrimental because force disrespects your deepest wisdom and greatest gift: your intuition.

Rainer Maria Rilke said it this way, “May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.”

Your ability to experience flow in any moment, filling your life with faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy, is directly proportional to your ability to fuel yourself in that moment with love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude. That fuel allows you to realign your awareness with what I call the God’s-eye view, enhancing your perception and expanding your perspective until you know that, whatever may be happening at that moment, we are one and Universal love is always unfolding the highest good for all, in all, through all.

Constructive core energy fosters flow

These terms are not just five woo-woo, New Age words I pulled out of thin air because they sounded Zen and cool. They were revealed to me individually, real-time as I lived through the phases of my own dramatic and highly personal healing and transformation in the wake of burnout.

  • Love: I nurture, encourage and delight myself in healthy ways.
  • Respect: I honor my choices; I do the best I can with the love and light I have at the time.
  • Curiosity: Instead of judging, I wonder why.
  • Compassion: I acknowledge and value my feelings.
  • Gratitude: I appreciate my life; everything is an opportunity. 

The formula for making these principles a way of life is simple to explain. In every situation, love yourself enough to pay attention to every aspect of your life. Respect everything you are experiencing—what you are thinking, feeling, deciding, saying and doing. Determine whether the energy underneath is love or fear. If it’s love, you are probably on your authentic path. If it’s fear, demonstrate compassion for yourself. Foster gratitude by reminding yourself that everything is an opportunity. Then further neutralize the fear by bringing curiosity to bear. Explore every aspect of the situation, especially your internal landscape, and identify all of the opportunities available to you through this unique experience. As with any new skill, practice will help this way of being become a healthy new habit—your automatic response to every situation.

Curiosity

In summary, figure out what you want, understand whether it’s fueled by fear, transform any fear into love, set your intention and then get ready to receive it, because it will happen.

Becoming conscious and claiming your personal power to neutralize the self-sabotaging, judgmental voice in your head will yield immeasurable benefits. You will literally be able to redefine your world, because there is no absolute reality, only the story you tell yourself about what is happening and what it means.

Every being, encounter and experience that comes my way is filtered through a conglomeration of lenses that results in my unique perceptions. These lenses cause me to see my world in a certain way. They are influenced by my unique and complex mix of myriad factors: the family, cultural and societal norms I was taught; my physical and mental abilities; my personality and natural talents; my birth order; the patterns I deduced from all my past experiences and the assumptions I’ve presumed concerning what’s likely and possible in the future. 

I create my reality in each moment by choosing what I will think, believe, feel and do based on what my lenses allow. I can choose to look through the lens of fear and remain weighed down and self-imprisoned, or I can choose the lens of love and embrace a life of freedom and flow. No outside event or situation, no other person can dictate my attitude.

The lens I choose creates my reality

To help yourself remain mindful of this healthier new habit, try incorporating relevant affirmations that anchor your desire for living in flow. Here are three of my personal favorites:

  • I free myself of all fear and dedicate myself as a clear channel for love, light, hope, possibilities and empowerment.
  • I do not rush. I am enough. I discern, focus and follow through. The Universe works wonders through me.
  • I learn my lessons quickly and gently and help others do so as well.

Once you get the knack, you’re going to love the feeling of trading judging for curiosity. It’s not a forced march, a different set of rules you must follow to be a “better” person. It’s a gift of grace accepted freely and with gratitude, an honor and a privilege filled with joy and wonder. By discovering possibilities you never imagined, you open the door wide and go bounding through to endless opportunities.

However unconscious the process may feel at the time, you are manifesting the world you choose to see and the life you choose to live. What perspective and attitude will you choose today? The only person controlling your life is you. Choose your energy and change your life! 

Daring Greatly

Many of us think if we dare to try something new or take a risk in order to expand or improve our lives, we won’t make life better, we’ll make it more difficult.

Daring greatly

We tell ourselves it’s easier to stick with the status quo because it’s predictable. Our preference for the familiar is so strong, it’s actually cited as one of the most common reasons people chose to stay in dysfunctional—even abusive—situations and relationships.

But what if the familiar just isn’t working for you anymore?

We’ve all heard the saying “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” You reach a point where you can no longer escape the truth: you know in your heart what’s really making your life difficult is constraining it with the same old limiting beliefs and destructive habits. Fear is keeping you small—trapped in a lackluster life you’ve come to loathe.

So what if you do recognize the status quo just isn’t working for you anymore? What if you realize it’s keeping you stuck in a life you’ve outgrown? What if you’ve had enough of the familiar and you’re ready to take action to try something new that could help you break through the old barriers of limitation and lack that have been holding you prisoner in a life you abhor?

When the Universe loves you enough to keep pushing you outside your comfort zone, it’s time to embrace the grace you’re being offered, face your fears, stop resisting and open your fearful heart to new possibilities.

Baby step, gratitude, celebrate, repeat!

One of my favorite movies of all time is What About Bob? The film is about the transformative archetypal journey of the hero: the lesson that no matter how broken we are, with love and compassion, a dash of courage, a pound of commitment and a sense of humor, we can do anything. We can learn and grow into happier, healthier people. Every one of us can find deep peace, lasting joy and meaningful relationships. We do this through a lifetime of never-ending baby steps. Bless his heart, Bob baby steps his way all over the transformative Universe. Each time he pushes past his current limits to try something new, he is delighted. After his first sailing adventure (for which they had to tie him to the mast to get him to participate), he exclaimed to all he met, “I’m a sailor! I sail!”

Ready to live a life of generous, effortless, gracious flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy?

The Flow Scan

Whenever you have the sense that you are stuck or blocked, a real-time Flow Scan can help you identify which aspects of your thinking would benefit from recalibration and what form that might take.

Flow Scan

On the previous page you will find a snapshot of the worksheet used for the scan. In my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!, I provide a variety of scans to help you recognize when you are out of alignment and get yourself back on track, including the Flow Scan. Click here to download a FREE full-size, color version of my Flow Scan, along with full-size, color versions of all of the other illustrations and scans included in my book.

The Flow Scan consists of a five-step process, with each step grounded in caring enough about yourself to do the following:

  • Pay attention so that you notice quickly whenever you are feeling stuck.
  • Invest your energy in assessing the fear-based lies and illusions that are blocking you, identifying any feelings of distrust, despair, scarcity, panic or misery.
  • Determine what baby steps will restore your life to a love-based truth and reality of faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy.
  • Hold yourself accountable for following through on your commitment to take action.
  • Assess your results and continuously refine and expand your action plan to fill your reality with the truth of love-based flow and minimize succumbing to the lies and illusions of fear-based blocks.

I live in flow: being not doing
You’re worth the effort. With practice, you will become adept at noticing whenever you’re feeling stuck or blocked and quickly taking action to restore flow. This way of living mindfully will become a healthy new habit through which you will build the less stressful, more fulfilling life you dream of.

Start today by identifying one small step you can take in the direction of your dreams. Even though trying something risky or new may cause your pulse to quicken and your palms to sweat, the rewards will far outweigh any perceived benefits to simply ‘playing it safe’. In fact, playing it safe is actually the riskiest path because through it you risk wasting your one precious life. You risk missing entirely the reason you are here. To be who you fully are at your core with delight and abandon. To let your light shine to brighten the way for all of us. You’re the only you we’ve got. A precious natural resource never to be wasted or taken for granted.

Baby Steps Make a Big Difference

Slow and steady produces meaningful, lasting results. Vast forced output is rarely sustained. Great strides of lasting value involve myriad baby steps over time. If the conceivers of the Taj Mahal had believed fast was the only way to get there, it would have crumbled in the first storm.

The power of baby steps

Easy does it. Letting any shifts be as organic as possible is key to more substantive, longer lasting results. Begin with one tiny baby step toward one small desired change. No amount of progress is too inconsequential to celebrate. Each step forward is an important opportunity to stop, consider what you’ve learned, examine your new tools, realize your new strengths and embrace with gratitude the joy that will take you to the next step.

Celebrating each success is key to fostering the constructive core energy that will keep moving you forward. Noticing and demonstrating love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude for any resistance to change is as important to moving forward as celebrating your successes.

Before you know it, you will have left behind your former life of limitation and lack. You will have built your dream and it will last your whole life through. What will you dare to do today with your one precious life?

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“Do you feel overwhelmed, out of sorts, and unfulfilled? Do you work and strive to do more, and still find that no matter how much you do it’s never enough? Do you feel depleted and constantly on the hamster wheel of life? Striving but never arriving to a place of contentment and peace? Do you over give to everyone else and find that you feel empty and unappreciated, yet struggle with receiving from others in return? Do find yourself stuffing those empty feelings with food, alcohol, shopping, social media, toxic relationships or some other obsession or habit that leaves you feeling unsatisfied? Have you searched for answers but have come up empty handed? Then this is the guidebook to help transform your life by not only helping you learn to fall in love with yourself, but explore patterns that no longer serve your highest good.

This amazing book is packed full of skills, tools, and techniques to assist you on the journey to a life fueled by love rather than fear. Deborah Jane Wells will challenge you to examine your life and will teach you the ‘Discovery Framework’ that will guide you to choose love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude as your core energy. Through this new perspective it will help you implement and experience the flow of faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy so that you can live a fulfilled life. She will walk with you while sharing her own journey of struggles and help you learn to find balance, hope, and inspiration to live a life that you truly love. As a psychotherapist and someone who has struggled on my own journey in life I highly recommend this book to anyone who is really ready to face the challenges of getting unstuck and ready to make real changes in their life and to learn to fall in love with the person who matters most…You!” Angela McGoldrick, MS, LPC, Executive Director, Life in Balance, Christiansburg, Virginia

“Just as all of us are born as unique individuals with gifts and abilities, all of us encounter unique obstacles and challenges in life that may limit or hinder us in fully expressing our gifts and abilities. In her book, ‘Choose your Energy: Change your Life!,’ Deborah Jane Wells encourages readers to discover ourselves, embrace who we are and welcome life’s challenges as opportunities rather than roadblocks. I found this book to be insightful and encouraging in its message. What we tell ourselves about ourselves is the backdrop against which we then measure the significance and value of all our life’s encounters, experiences, accomplishments or failures. When we choose to stand upon a foundation of love and respect for ourselves, it follows that we can view the world around us with the same positive energy. Curiosity, compassion and gratitude can be powerful and transformative attitudes we extend to the world around us when we choose first to view ourselves with these same grace-based convictions. This book will be an affirmation to all who read it.” Debra Maviglia Podish

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

The Empowering Grace of Self-Compassion

Flight attendants instruct us on every flight that should an oxygen mask drop down in front of us, we must put on our own masks before attempting to help anyone else. That seems selfish and counterintuitive for most of us. First we want to help our child, parent, spouse, or frightened seatmate. It can be difficult to accept the fact that we will not be able to help anyone else if we run out of oxygen ourselves.

We might be more likely to accept the truth if the flight attendants painted a picture of what could happen if we don’t put on our own masks first. Imagine a scenario in which you are traveling on a plane that develops engine trouble. Suddenly, oxygen masks drop down and your seatmate just stares at his, frozen with panic while precious seconds tick by.

If you choose to ignore the flight attendant’s instructions and struggle to get a mask on a panicked person first—in a plane that may well be unstable—you may wait just a bit too long to take care of your own mask. At that point, you are no good to yourself or anyone else.

Suppose instead that you recognize the common sense in the flight attendant’s instructions. You decide it’s not just okay but essential to take care of yourself first and only then assist your fellow traveler. Once you have your seatmate settled, you glance across the aisle and notice someone else frozen with panic. You reach across, help them, and then motion for them to help the next person over. Eventually you find that you have helped someone who helped someone who … You get the idea. When the flight stabilizes and you land safely, you know with every fiber of your being that you have been anything but selfish.

Unfortunately, we rarely notice how well the “oxygen mask” principle applies to everyday life, but does it ever! The parallel is that failure to take care of your own health will inevitably mean you will be unable to care for the ones you love. Though the damage can be slow in showing up, one day you wake up weighed down by a load you can no longer bear—physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

What if you used the oxygen mask as a symbol of self-awareness in your daily life? Sitting right in front of your face at all times. Put it on, breathe deeply, and new choices appear. Not selfish choices but honest ones that allow you to set priorities that nurture you and those around you on a journey to wholeness.

Remember what it felt like to be able to help others on the airplane because you first took care of yourself? As you become increasingly self-aware and able to make constructive choices, you become a positive example for someone else, who becomes a positive example for someone else, and so on. Like the ripples in a pond, your new self-awareness requires no pushing or directing to move outward and touch others. It just happens.

My client Lisa feels that the most important changes she has made in her life through coaching with me are self-awareness, living with intention, and having compassion for herself. She has also lost thirty pounds, but in her words, the weight loss is “just the outer indication of significant inner change.”

“When I was introduced to Deborah, I had been putting in thirteen- and fourteen-hour days establishing myself in a new profession while caring for my dying mother. I was overweight, with my body and spirit stretched to the limit. That seemed normal because, for me, hard work has always been both a joy and a legacy.”

Lisa’s mother was raised in a small coal-mining town where they grew their own food or they didn’t eat. Recreation as we know it today didn’t exist.

Growing up as the oldest of ten children, Lisa’s mother shined in her daughter’s eyes as the greatest role model any girl could have. Her mother’s young life consisted of washing the clothes and working in the company store. Over the years, Lisa watched her mom always do the right thing. She was the person Lisa wanted to be.

“Unlike my mother, I was blessed with greater bounty. My parents worked all the time, and we would never have gone hungry. But my brother and I worked side by side with my parents and were fulfilled by knowing that our work could help support the family too. Looking back, it shouldn’t surprise me that my parents’ legacy of unending hard work became the bedrock of my life as well.

“Over time, I became a life coach, committed to helping others integrate the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of their lives. I quickly discovered that even coaches need coaches.”

In our first session, Lisa told me she wanted to lose weight. Little did she know that physical weight loss would be the smallest part of what she gained from our work together—a byproduct rather than an end in itself.

“Deborah listens in a way that is hard to explain. She is extraordinarily intuitive and asks penetrating questions that helped me get past how much my body weighed and begin to see the weight on my spirit.

“The larger lesson was becoming sufficiently self-aware and detached to see that I needed to start by having greater compassion for myself. Deborah helped me realize how the negative energy of my relentless inner taskmistress was weighing me down and holding me back from the joy-filled life of service I desired.

“Many people tell us that we should take care of ourselves, but how can I manage to have compassion for myself when my beloved mother is dying? How can I do what I need to do for my mother and still embrace the hurting self who can’t imagine who she will be without her mother?”

Only when Lisa could detach and begin to see herself from the outside was she able to embrace the grieving part of herself who was eating for comfort. None of her past diets had taught her that. Until she began to get it, meaningful, lasting change was unlikely. By serving as a loving mirror—listening deeply, trusting my intuition, and asking penetrating questions—I was able to help Lisa get past the distraction of her external body weight to see the root of her unhappiness: the unbearable weight her heart and soul were carrying on the inside.

“Today I eat and live with greater intention. I’ve lost thirty pounds. There is vitality and light in my life even as I rework my priorities and commitments to ensure that my mother’s final days are as peaceful and as filled with love and comfort as I can make them.

“To demonstrate real compassion for others, I had to first put on my own ‘oxygen mask’ and have some compassion for myself.”

For more insights into the role of self-compassion, read Start Where You Are by Pema Chödrön.

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

Kathy Cooperman“With admiration and gratitude, I highly recommend ‘Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!’ Deborah Jane Wells shares her journey through both highs and lows. Her personal stories are touching, genuine and most of all inspiring. I found myself relating to many of the struggles she so clearly outlines—her own and client stories. Her transparency makes me trust her counsel. Her experience is staggering. I’m an avid reader so I was thrilled to find her book loaded with models, charts and practical applications for enhancing my own journey forward. She also provides an abundance of resources for further learning and exploration. As an executive coach and facilitator of leadership development, I plan to recommend her book for my own clients as they sometimes face many of the same challenges she addresses. I now keep her book close within reach to refer to again and again.” Kathy Cooperman, MA, CSP, KC Leadership Consulting LLC

 David Howard“I have heard many spiritual teachers, self-help guides, and authors say that we must ‘love ourselves.’ However, I have encountered few, if any, who actually told us how to do it. That is, until now. In ‘Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!,’ Deborah Jane Wells provides us with a clearly defined method for doing just that. Through sharing her personal story of recovery and the stories of some of her clients, Deborah not only gives us hope that loving ourselves is possible, but she also shares the tools that each of us can use to do it for ourselves. This book has the power to transform your life. It is clear and concise and offers a detailed framework for applying the tools. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is seeking to make meaningful and lasting changes in their lives.” Rev. David Howard, Senior Minister, Unity Spiritual Center Denver, Colorado

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

My Wild Ride to Finding Flow

If despite a lifetime of diligence and hard work, you feel you are still searching for something that remains just beyond your grasp, then you, my friend, may be stuck in the hamster wheel approach to life. Hamster wheel people don’t give up; they will die trying to deliver the goods.

You may think you want a better job, more satisfying relationship, or healthier body. In reality, your restlessness isn’t about your income, your relationships, or your looks. It’s about feeling incomplete.

As a life coach, author, and Reiki master teacher, I am in the business of liberation. My purpose—personally and professionally—is sharing hope, possibilities, and empowerment with the world. I help people escape the self-imposed prison of the hamster wheel. For many years, their stories were my story, and they may be your story as well, but they don’t have to be. There is hope for getting off the wheel and living a life you love. It all starts with embracing the amazing and liberating possibility that the love of your life just might be you.

If you are like many others, you may doubt that falling in love with yourself is even possible let alone powerful. I assure you, it is. To help you begin to accept that you too have the power to embrace this reality, I will share with you the short version of my own personal story of transformation. The story of what happened in my own life when I finally fell in love with myself.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Mine is an all too common tale. Too many years on the wheel resulted in utter exhaustion and despair. I was the classic successful Type A overachiever. Sensible, driven, hardworking, and financially secure. Someone you could always count on to get the job done.

I began life in 1954 with a question mark over my head. Back then, medicine could not assure the survival of an “Rh factor” baby. Some required many blood transfusions. I was one of the fortunate few who needed just one.

Instead of perceiving my survival as a blessing and a gift, early on I concluded that I had to pack each day with output because I was, after all, operating on borrowed time and someone else’s blood. My response to a gift of grace was a lifelong marathon of trying to prove myself worthy through productivity.

Prove myself I did! Along the way, I earned a full scholarship to college and graduated summa cum laude in three years. Sounds great but at what price? Anorexic, ulcer ridden, and clinically depressed by age nineteen, I thought I had to re-earn my right to be here every day. To be worthy and safe, I had to control every aspect of my life, always pushing, always moving, always working, always doing. Looking back, I now realize that when I chose the following couplet from Sara Teasdale’s poem “Dust” (1966) as the caption for my college yearbook picture, even at age twenty-one I already knew somewhere deep in my soul that this way of living was a very slippery slope. Sara writes,

I almost gave my life long ago for a thing
That has gone to dust now, stinging my eyes—
It is strange how often a heart must be broken
Before the years can make it wise.

Although I was usually a quick learner, it would require three more decades of experience before I was finally compelled to act on that inner wisdom. Meanwhile, the world kept right on rewarding my perfectionism and incessant productivity. Fresh out of college, I got a job in management consulting, making partner in my first firm at age thirty. Over the next thirty years, I served as a senior partner in four of the world’s largest and most prestigious global professional services firms.

I had some wonderful times in that career. I traveled all over the world, mentored young people, and knew the satisfaction of doing good work. But even the most committed and productive individuals can shift from frustration to a sense of futility when their values, passion, work, and lives become disconnected. After decades of working nonstop with little attention to my personal health and welfare, my soul and my role had become increasingly separated, leaving me feeling disillusioned and betrayed by the very life I’d created.

One of the problems with not taking care of our health is that the effects of ignoring it are often slow to show up. We continue to juggle family responsibilities, work, and finances until we lose ourselves, waking up one day fifty pounds heavier in body and soul—no good to ourselves or anyone else. It’s no surprise that during the final years of my consulting career, obesity and profound depression defeated me daily. This led me to conclude that my only hope of escaping the rat race that was slowly killing me was to get it over with once and for all. The great irony was that while I started out feeling afraid I’d die if I didn’t keep working all the time, I ended up knowing I would eventually kill myself if I couldn’t find another way to make the pain stop.

The Art of Living

Yet as unbelievable as it may sound, today, in my late fifties, I find myself in the best health of my entire life. While I still have ups and downs, my days are permeated with deep peace, lasting joy, and meaningful relationships. These great blessings are the result of a journey to wholeness that began in 2005 when I retired from consulting. At that time, I was neither fit nor motivated to start another career. Though I completed a couple of graduate courses with the intention of starting my own organization consulting firm, I found myself too burned out to pursue it seriously.

For the first time in my life, I had no clear plan for my future, just the knowledge that I would have to find a way to heal my self-esteem and restore my mental and physical health even to have a future. In autumn 2006, when my son left for college, my husband and I moved from Virginia to Colorado, believing a dramatic change of scenery might provide a nurturing climate for my healing.

Inspired by Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way and still a consultant at heart, I embarked upon a path of self-healing involving rediscovering the artistic joys of my youth while facilitating groups around artistic recovery and discovery. In the process, I began teaching art privately on a small scale. Though I loved my work, the expenses of my small business substantially exceeded my income. Obesity and profound depression persisted. In a five-week period during the spring of 2008, my cat, my father, and my beloved pottery mentor died, adding the challenge of overwhelming grief to my daily mix.

Meanwhile, my husband had been trying to find work locally. After two years with no luck, we jumped at the chance for him to take a temporary ninety-day job back in Washington, DC, making money doing work he loved. The ninety-day assignment stretched to three years, with weeklong visits home every three to six months.

I remember the day his car pulled out of our drive as if it were yesterday. While I was supportive of our decision, I was both excited and anxious about living alone for the first time in my life. I had always assumed the role of perfectionist caretaker and confidante, first in my family of origin and then again in every relationship, job, and household. Who was I if there was no one else for me to take care of? The Universe definitely has a sense of humor. There I was, living alone at the age of fifty-five with responsibility for the only person in my life that I’d never taken care of—myself.

I spent the first four months hating being alone and bemoaning all the things I didn’t like about my life. Then one day, in a rare moment of clarity, I received a Divine download: “You can spend the next year making yourself miserable over all the things you can’t control, or you can see this as an opportunity. Is there anything that’s completely within your control and, if you achieved it in the next year, would plant joy firmly in your soul no matter what your other circumstances might be?” My response? “I have got to lose this weight.” The most incredible journey of my life began in that simple moment of grace.

My journey to wholeness started with regaining a sense of control over my physical care—what I ate and how I exercised. Losing eighty pounds—and keeping it off—is the part of the story that many people respect and even envy. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. If all I accomplished were to change my body through healthy eating and exercise, I would have stopped far short of the wholeness I was seeking.

I had my next life-transforming realization forty pounds into my eighty-pound weight loss―high on healthy fuel, cardio-induced beta-endorphins, and the thrill of, once again, being able to do something I set my mind to. While a healthy diet and significant daily exercise were necessary factors, they were only the price of admission to attaining the life of deep peace, lasting joy, and meaningful relationships I desired.

Once I understood that excess physical weight is often just a symbol for excess spiritual weight, I realized finding wholeness is not primarily about losing body fat. It involves caring enough about myself to create an environment in which I nurture and cherish all aspects of myself.

With this realization, the Universe tapped me on the shoulder once again: “The key to living a life you love is to feed all of your senses in a balanced way, so no one sense will take over, trying to fill voids it can never hope to fill.” I got the broader insight into this download another twenty pounds later. Sensory balance doesn’t just apply to the five outer senses through which we celebrate our external world but also to the four inner senses of creativity, vitality, spirituality, and belonging, through which we imbue our experience with meaning.

As one who suffered anorexia at age nineteen and obesity at age fifty, I believe both have their roots in an unhealthy relationship with food—trying to use food to fill un-food needs. For me, both were ways of coping with anxiety—misguided attempts to feel safe by creating the illusion of control over a life spinning madly out of control.

The major reason many of us can’t sustain the positive results of diet and exercise is that most programs do not get to the root issue—an imbalance in the care and feeding of our souls. I learned to pay attention to how I am feeding all of my senses—content and frequency—and whether each is being starved, smothered, or healthily sustained. While my weight loss certainly involved more mindful and nutritious eating as well as regular exercise, the degree of success and ability to sustain a healthier, happier, more harmonious lifestyle was much more dependent on balanced feeding of all nine senses.

Through daily self-reflection and written meditation, I started to recognize and adjust my sensory imbalances. In the process, I realized that the most important element in manifesting the life of my dreams was a stronger bond between my Source and myself. Through the power of that synergy, I found more-meaningful relationships with everyone and everything.

Discover the Love of Your Life—You!

Prolonged isolation gave me the opportunity to work on the relationship I had neglected my entire life—the relationship with myself. Stripped of my habitual pattern of avoiding my own needs and feelings by focusing on caring for others, I finally understood that loving and taking care of myself is one of the greatest gifts I can ever give myself or anyone else, because when I nurture and cherish myself, my very presence encourages and supports others. When I’m not taking care of myself, I’m not able to give my best to anyone or anything. I may put on a good show, but it will be a pale imitation of the real thing.

Where did these insights take me? Over a period of two years, I shifted from taking good care of myself to falling in love with myself. When I fell in love with myself, everything else in my life finally fell into place. The transformation was so profound, I could literally feel my soul and role reuniting in a new form. No longer a hamster trapped on a wheel but a vibrant, joyful, fully engaged woman. I said good-bye to obesity, along with a ten-year bout of debilitating chronic depression, and said hello to life!

At this point in my story, you may well ask, “What would falling in love with myself look like?” Remember the last time you fell in love with someone else? How did you treat the object of your affection? You probably thought about him a lot, paid attention to his needs, and treated him as if he mattered. Because, to you, that person did matter; he mattered a great deal. In fact, you probably became downright obsessed with every aspect of your beloved.

Falling in love with yourself looks just like that: paying attention and treating yourself as if you matter. Because you do; you matter a great deal. You are a unique cocreative expression of the Divine. You are the only you we’ve got. You are a precious natural resource not to be taken for granted. How could you ever be deemed not enough?

As I lived my new commitment to loving myself, I discovered that my sense of equanimity and fulfillment were greatest when I fueled my core energy in constructive and loving ways—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. But as I worked more deeply with the concept of love, I found the term to be nebulous, tricky, and easy to misunderstand. With experience, I was able to increase the clarity of my intention to love myself by adding the attributes of respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude. I discovered the following:

  • Approaching myself and my life—every being, encounter, and experience—with love, respect, curiosity, and compassion always reveals and advances the highest good. Moment by moment, I know where, how, and when to invest my energy to move myself forward on my journey to wholeness.
  • Maintaining a belief in abundance and an attitude of gratitude anchors each moment in a sense of generous, effortless, gracious flow—a life of freedom centered in being, not doing.
  • Most surprising, important, and delightful of all, when I fall in love with myself again and again, everything else in my life really does just fall into place.

Give the Gift of Love, Hope, Possibilities and Empowerment

The result? I discovered my purpose gradually by committing myself to unwavering self-awareness grounded in cherishing myself unconditionally. As I did so, I came to understand that despite balance sheet evidence to the contrary, I hadn’t failed at making a living with my art. I had instead received a much more precious gift. I had saved a life, my own, through my art. By creating a life worth living, I had learned the art of living—enjoying the journey. My own life is my greatest creative work.

The journey that began with transforming my own life shifted naturally into meaningful work as an empowerment coach, author, and Reiki master teacher, through which I help others discover that health, peace, and joy are possible for them as well. If it’s possible for me, it’s possible for anyone. If any of us is worthy of such a life, we all are.

I close this chapter of my story where I began: mine is a story of hope; yours can be too. Fall in love with yourself and live the life you dream of. You are worth the effort.

For more insights into everyday approaches to loving yourself, read The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson.

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

Nicki Royall Peet“It’s almost axiomatic these days in the spiritual realm to say loving yourself first is the key to spiritual growth. But Deborah Jane Wells goes farther than just offering a platitude—she shows us what loving oneself looks like in the real world.

Her personal story of transformation is both inspirational and motivational. For outsiders looking in, Wells had something of a dream existence—meaningful high-paid employment at a well-respected top-level consulting firm. She held solid credentials, reaped monetary rewards and honest kudos from her peers. But after 30 years in the field, she found herself profoundly overweight, deeply depressed, unable to mine this outward appearance of abundance for a sense of inner contentment. Even her therapist at the time told her, ‘your job is killing you, you need to quit’—no easy task for one so richly rewarded. To just about everyone but herself, she appeared to be the epitome of success.

Fortunately for us beneficiaries of Wells’ wisdom, she took a five-year sabbatical to chart her path forward. As poet Rainer Maria Rilke suggests, she has ‘lived deeply into the answers’ to some of life’s deepest questions. She lost 80 pounds and kept it off, conquered depression and built a new and satisfying career as a Life Coach and facilitator.

I can relate to her ‘stuckness;’ that stuck in the mud inability to move forward. Stuckness can take many forms from unhappiness in marriage or career, to addictions and other patterns of self- destruction.

Her journey to spiritual wisdom and self-love is life changing, not just for her, but potentially for anyone who reads her book. Her compassion extends to others as she describes how to find and sustain a love of self that can propel individuals into personal transformation. And she manages to pull this off with incredible wit and panache. Be brave, follow Deborah’s example: read this book, learn to live the loving, fulfilling life you’ve always wanted.” Rev. Nicki Royall Peet, Celebrations Ordained Minister and author of The Shaman’s Daughter

 Heather Jones“This book has honestly helped me transform my life, and I am truly grateful for the inspiration Deborah has given me through her words. With the clear cut directions in this book, I’m able to quickly identify limiting beliefs that are keeping me from moving forward, and transition those beliefs into positive action. I’ve personally broken through many barriers by doing this work, and would highly recommend this book to anyone, regardless of what stage of life they are in. In reading Deborah’s book, I was able to create my own affirmations to take me through my daily journey, which are posted all around my home and serve as a reminder of how far I’ve come. My book is full of sticky notes and highlights, and I’ll continue to use it throughout my life as a guide. Thank you, Deborah!” Heather Jones, author of The Double Standard in Dating

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Falling in Love With Yourself | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Discover the Love of Your Life—You!

Many who follow me online
feel they are searching for something.

They may think they want help losing weight, solving a complex problem or breaking an unwanted habit. But, often, that search is not really about weight, problems or habits. It’s about discovering your true self, honoring your self-worth and restoring your capacity for peace and joy.

What’s love got to do with it? Everything!

 

Love is All You Need

 

In fall 2017, I released the second print edition of my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!, and the FIRST EVER audio version.  Even more insights, tools and resources with the added opportunity to listen on the go!

 

When your birth includes a near-death experience, you know you are in for a wild ride. More than five decades later, that roller coaster of triumph and burnout led to finding my life purpose. Mine is a story of hope. Yours can be too.

Instead of choosing to live as a victim of circumstance, consider embracing the power of loving yourself unconditionally through insights, encouragement, clear strategies, and practical tools built on

my personal journey, including a sustained eighty-pound weight loss, freedom from a ten-year bout of debilitating depression, and finding my purpose guiding others on their journeys;
living in flow, a fluid journey to wholeness grounded in who you are being not what you are doing;
the discovery framework that grew out of my experience, including core energy, sensory balance, and your personal board of directors; and
lessons in living inspired by the journeys of my clients.

 

 

Click here for FREE excerpts from the real life stories of transformation included in the book. The message is clear: when we spend our lives not taking care of ourselves, eventually we’re no good to ourselves or anyone else. Click here to learn more about my book and how to order your copy today from your favorite local and online booksellers. Click here to go directly to the audiobook purchase page.

 

It turns out the secret
is actually quite simple.

 

When we choose fear as our fuel, any of us—individuals and organizations alike—can become stuck in the “hamster wheel” approach to life. Trapped by the mistaken belief that busyness is the same as purpose, we can’t stand the way we’re living but feel powerless to change.

As we work together, my clients discover what I discovered: when you fall in love with yourself, everything else falls into place, personally and professionally. Choosing love as your core energy automatically enhances every aspect of your life: your perceptions, opportunities, relationships, and priorities. You get unstuck, reclaim your personal power, and recapture your zest for living, moving yourself forward into a life you love. When love transforms your relationship with yourself, it transforms your personal life, your work, and the world. 

It all starts with embracing the amazing and liberating possibility that the love of your life just might be YOU. Many people tell me it feels selfish to think in those terms. That we are supposed to love and care for “our neighbor.” I remind them we are also supposed to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” Many of us would end up in court or prison if we treated our neighbors the way we treat ourselves.

We cannot share anything of lasting value with others by giving from an empty well. When we learn to treat ourselves with love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude in each and every moment, then, and only then, will we find ourselves able to be of genuine service to others.

 

Discover the love of your life--YOU!

 

Life is a journey to wholeness.

 

While I don’t promise anyone a quick fix or a miracle, I do provide information to help you assess whether life coaching is for you. And, if life coaching feels like a possibility, you may wish to review my credentials, as well as information about my approach and the types of programs I offer.

My clients inspire me every day with the certainty that all of us can take this journey to wholeness. Their stories are rooted in the safety and trust that come from a coaching relationship based on love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude. They are men and women; young and not so young; single, divorced or married. All of them meeting my one requirement to become a client: an unflinching commitment to knowing themselves better and doing the deep and rewarding work necessary to make the life they dream of a reality.

 

Love!

 

If you are ready to take life-changing action, then you have been led to a place where you will find the answers you seek. As my clients learn to love themselves unconditionally, they are transforming their lives. You can too.

It is interesting that those who learn to fall in love with themselves are actually less likely to behave selfishly. Their joy and peace are contagious. They show up in their families, workplaces and friendships with a spring in their step and a zest for living that carries them, and those around them, forward in new and exciting directions.

 

Bottom line?
It’s not just okay
to fall in love with yourself.
It’s essential

 

When you fall in love with yourself, everything else finally falls into place. This transformation arises from a fundamental shift in your head and heart. Once love transforms your relationship with yourself, it can’t help but transform your personal life and work in ways that will exhilarate you. Your more constructive personal energy will automatically transform every being and situation you encounter. You will, by your very presence, quite literally, transform the world.

 

Time to Get Off That Hamster Wheel!

 

Reclaim your power and recapture your zest for living. Turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities and step into your greatness!

© Copyright 2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Falling in Love With Yourself | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment