The Stress-Taming Power of Gratitude Part 1 of 2

I appreciate my life; EVERYTHING is an opportunity!

I appreciate my life.
EVERYTHING is an opportunity!

I first became acquainted with the idea of a gratitude practice in 1995 through Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book Simple Abundance. The book’s core concept was to begin and end each day by naming at least five things for which I was grateful. Some days the list overflowed with twenty-five or more items, evidence of my consciousness of the generosity of the Universe. Other days, when I perceived things as going poorly, I struggled to identify even five things for which I was thankful.

I followed the gratitude practice off and on through the years but abandoned it entirely at the very time when I could have most benefited from it. When I got insanely, stressfully busy in the final years of my consulting career, I left the gratitude practice by the side of the road, having erroneously concluded that I was too busy to be intentionally grateful.

Here comes the Judge!

Fast forward to 2010, when I had retired, lost eighty pounds, escaped depression, and began pursuing my calling as a life coach, author, and Reiki master teacher, teaching others about the transformative power of falling in love with themselves. Though love, respect, curiosity, and compassion were serving me well in manifesting unconditional self-love, sometimes when my life became especially complex, the judging voice could still take over with its fear-based messages of doom and gloom.

One day, during written meditation, I remembered the power of my former gratitude practice and wondered if it might be the missing link. As I went beyond just a morning and evening event to making it a way of life I call radical gratitude, here is what I discovered.

Opportunity knocks!

Love and gratitude serve as the bookends of constructive core energy. Between them, they encompass and support all the other aspects of love: respect, curiosity, and compassion. Love initiates the flow of core energy; gratitude expands it. Love is the originator. Gratitude is the catalyst. Through the eyes of gratitude, we see that everything is an opportunity, a grace-filled gift of Universal love characterized by loving-kindness, elegant beauty, copious generosity, and infinite mercy.

Radical gratitude fosters a life of generous, effortless, gracious flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy.

  • Faith: I am confident that love is the greatest power in the Universe.
  • Hope: Universal love is always unfolding the highest good for all, in all, through all.
  • Prosperity: My Universal Source is excellent, limitless, and reliable.
  • Peace: I relax into all that was, is, and will be.
  • Joy: Whatever my circumstances, I know who I am and Whose I am: a unique and precious cocreative expression of the Divine.

What might radical gratitude look like in real life?

Let’s start with the example of cleaning the litter boxes for my three beloved cats, SiddhaLee, Mortimer, and Maisy Jane. My feline family members are far from aloof. They are my constant companions, comforters, playmates, greatest teachers, and—no kidding—coaching assistants. If you are interested in hearing more about their role in holding client-specific sacred space during coaching, visit my VoiceAmerica host page at www.tiny.cc/djwradio and listen to the recording of the February 6, 2013 episode of my weekly radio show, starting at the thirty-one-minute mark.

What might radical gratitude look like in real life?As anyone who has ever been owned by a cat can tell you, cats require litter boxes. To function effectively, there needs to be at least one more litter box than the number of cats, and those boxes need to be kept clean. With experimentation, I discovered that, ever the overachievers, my three cats require six boxes that need to be scooped free of any refuse morning and night. Those six boxes also need to be emptied completely of all litter, washed out, and replaced with fresh litter once a month.

As the number of litter boxes escalated, at first I was resentful. Why couldn’t they stop being so territorial and use fewer boxes? I perceived the money and time I was investing as excessive and burdensome. Until, a year after he came to live with me, my Mortimer became ill and nearly died. When we pulled him back from the brink of death and he began to grow stronger, it finally hit me: cleaning litter boxes is an act of love. It is a privilege and honor to be able to return a fraction of the love and companionship he and his mates shower on me daily, by handling this hygiene task for them. A funny thing happened; when I chose to shift my energy from resentment to gratitude, litter patrol was no longer a burden. Now I sing and chatter happily to the cats while I move from room to room, ever their faithful, itinerant scooper.

A dream come true

Let’s extend the example to more mundane fare. When I was a young child, I never even dreamed of a miraculous machine that would wash and dry the dishes for me so that all I had to do was put them away. Then we got our first dishwasher. Things were great for the first few months, but then I began taking my new blessing for granted, and before you know it, my brother and I were fighting over who was putting away more dishes and what could be done about it. Not an example of gratitude. Even as an adult, I still found I had days when I grumbled about how much I had to do and how long it took to empty the dishwasher. Now, when I apply the gratitude principle, putting the dishes away is easy, fast, and fun. How cool to have a machine that washes and dries them for me.

This week, I started the dishwasher just before settling down at my kitchen table for my morning meditation. A few minutes later, I realized how comforted I was by the gentle thrumming and splashing sounds of the elixir of life, water, cleansing my life of residue, reminding me that each day, each moment, offers the opportunity for a fresh start. Who knew a dishwasher could be the source of meditative insight? When we choose to look at everything through the lens of gratitude, our perspective is always rose-colored by appreciation.

Breathe...express gratitude...relax

Speaking of gratitude for technology, how cool is it that I have a computer, printer, and wireless network right in my own home? How could I have ever complained when the printer ran out of ink in the middle of a big job and I had to replace the cartridges? Or my cellphone signal didn’t work so well in the Ozarks? I remember the days when there were no color TVs, personal computers, printers, or cell phones. Now, when any of my technology hits a bump in the road, I repeat an affirmation I learned from Louise L. Hay many years ago, one that still strikes me as funny and so has the added benefit of making me laugh aloud: “Cars and refrigerators do not break down when we are in a good place.” So when things do break down, and I catch myself grumbling, I set my intention to align myself with a better place (gratitude) so I’ll quit wasting my energy in whining and do something constructive (like replacing the empty ink cartridge).

The day after writing this section on gratitude, the Universe sent me a technology “refresher” lesson in the form of twenty-four hours in which it appeared my most recent two years of Quicken financial data had become corrupted beyond repair. I repeatedly practiced deep breathing and clearing myself of all fear throughout the process. This allowed me to access my deepest wisdom and discover the key to resolving the seeming “problem” when even Quicken advanced tech support had given up. Ta-da! It would appear I’ve learned the technology lesson now. Enough with the pop quizzes already!

Radical Gratitude!

So many things to be grateful for: clean water; hot showers; healthcare; education; heat in the winter and air conditioning in the summer; healthy food; smiles, hugs, and kisses; and physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual abilities.

When I stay centered in gratitude for all of life’s simple blessings, I find it easier to stay anchored there in the more painful times. The friend who dumps me. The spouse who becomes ill. The hurricane that devastates the beloved South Jersey Shore of my childhood. The movie theater mass shooting in my hometown of Aurora, Colorado. Being present in New York City on September 11, 2001, where I spent the night accounting for my missing consulting colleagues. When viewed through the lens of gratitude, even those painful experiences are opportunities for deeper insight, greater compassion, dramatic personal growth, and increased appreciation for the gift of life. In the words of the great sage Kahlil Gibran, “Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.”

Kindness rekindles hope and gratitude

And, if, on your darkest days, despite your best efforts, you still can find nothing to appreciate, try conveying a simple kindness to someone in need. If you are like many, you just may find the hope and gratitude you awaken in another will rekindle the flame of hope and gratitude in your own troubled heart.

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“In her book, Deborah expertly blends her personal journey of life changing experiences with practical and effective tools that others can use to change their own lives. People who would especially benefit from reading (and re-reading this book) are those who struggle with addiction challenges, low self-esteem, life transitions, and those exploring career changes to name just a few of the folks for whom this book would make a positive difference in their lives. I like the way she structured the book in terms of first sharing her own story, laying out what fuels constructive core energy, her description of the nine senses, as well as the concept of a personal board of directors, and finally the lessons in living. This is a book that a person can pick up and read just a short section and take time to mull over that. Then the reader would go back to it later and move into the next section, and not rush headlong through it. Just step through it at the pace that fits the person.” Joyce Feustel, Boomers’ Social Media Tutor

 

“This book is a powerful template for personal transformation. The author gives you insight into your own inner workings, guides you to discover how you’re showing up in each moment, and offers you the gifts of curiosity and respect to lovingly move forward toward the life you long to live. Maximize your personal transformation by coaching live with the author.” Missi Holt Bantner, Fitness and Nutrition Editor, Early to Rise

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

 

Explore Deborah's Book

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Gratitude, Prosperity & Abundance | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Cultivating Compassion Part 2 of 2

This post on compassion is the second half of a two-part installment drawn from principles shared in my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!

Here’s a quick recap of some of the key principles shared in the previous installment:

  • Noticing and embracing all of our emotions is essential to finding flow and making it a way of life. It is nearly impossible to know how to nurture ourselves optimally if we are not willing to go inside, root around a bit, and discover what makes us tick.
  • Emotions are important messengers. They help us notice the implications of what is happening and gain the maximum benefit from everything we experience.
  • Knowing how to recognize, process, express, and release emotions is essential to our well-being.

Shedding tears is essentialWhen I first began coaching, I was surprised by the number of clients, men and women alike, who were ashamed of crying, even in the presence of a licensed professional coach. Some cited a special appreciation for the norm of coaching by phone because they believed I wouldn’t know when they were crying. (Though it is unlikely that an experienced, intuitive life coach won’t know that you are crying, even if you do so silently.) Tears are a common human response to strong emotion, especially fear and its cousins. For many, the only way to avoid crying is to avoid feeling.

Why is shedding tears so important and beneficial? There is a great parallel in the example of therapeutic massage. Every massage therapist I’ve ever worked with encouraged me to drink lots of water for the twenty-four to forty-eight hours after a massage. Deep tissue work releases copious toxins into your system. For the net result of the massage to be beneficial, it is necessary to flush those toxins from your system as quickly and completely as possible. When you don’t do so, your body may become overwhelmed, resulting in illness. Water is an essential element in ensuring that the massage is therapeutic and not detrimental. Water fosters flow.

Think of crying as the emotional equivalent of water after a massage. When you’ve done deep emotional work on your own or with a guide, stored emotional toxins are released into your system. Tears are one of the common ways to release those toxins and gain the full benefit of the emotional work. Some clients who are carrying a lifetime of unacknowledged, unfelt stored emotions say they are afraid that if they start crying now, they will never stop. While I empathize with that concern, I am happy to report it doesn’t tend to happen. Even a little bit of crying can do a world of good. The stored-up tears do stop, and then, by remaining aware and fully embracing all of your feelings all of the time, you’ll find a little bit of crying goes a long way. Just respecting your feelings enough to notice them and demonstrate compassion rather than continuing to tell yourself to suck it up and stop being a wimp will result in far greater emotional equilibrium and resilience in the face of life’s ups and downs.

WATER FOSTERS FLOW!When tears arise, it’s an indicator that we are in the presence of a big insight that bears deeper exploration once the strong emotions have been respected and cleared. Other times, there is nothing of note, just a need for a little release of pent-up stress. How do you know which you are dealing with?

Once the tears have passed, breathe, close your eyes, and recenter yourself. Once centered, ask yourself if something bears deeper examination. Notice subtle responses throughout the major energy systems in your body, especially any tightening in your head, neck, chest, solar plexus, or stomach. Such responses may mean there is more to be worked through. An overall feeling of well-being usually means there is nothing to look at, or nothing to look at right now. In all cases, just trust your intuition. This powerful technique may also be applied to decision making. While it may feel too subtle to notice at first, with practice you will become quite adept at reading your energy.

To help anchor this learning about compassion in reality, I will share an example of how this shows up in my relationship with myself. My illustration is not a recipe for the only method that works; it is an example of what often works for me, a way for you to get started and, with some curiosity and experimentation, figure out what works best for you.

My name, Deborah, means “the bee” in Hebrew, as in “busy as a bee” (how unsurprising). My muse and inner child is named Bee. How do I know that’s her name? She told me. You can learn more about that process and the role of the muse on your personal board of directors in chapter 6. My pet name for Bee is Little Bee or Bumble Bee.

PAY ATTENTION!

As with any healthy, meaningful relationship, I check in with her regularly. I don’t just wait until I sense something is amiss. When I do notice discomfort arising, which often shows up as a tightening in my chest or heart chakra, I stop what I’m doing, place my hand over my heart, breathe deeply, and lovingly say, “What is it, Little Bee? I’m right here. You’re not alone.”

If circumstances permit, I find this dialogue is most effective conducted out loud. My guess is that engaging speech and hearing along with touch and thinking helps amplify the experience so I can access what’s happening more deeply and process it more effectively and fully. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter to me why it works, just that it works. I am an intuitive life coach; while I respect reason, I never trust it over intuition. Why would I use a lower level of knowledge to override a much higher form of wisdom?

Back to Little Bee. “I know you’re in pain. Tell me what it’s about.” I stop and listen. Trusting my intuition again, whatever comes up, that’s where I go in. As my inner creative wild child and muse, she usually starts with the idea that I’m working her too hard and she’s not had any fun in a while. She abhors drudgery and forced labor. Many times, I’ll pat my shoulder gently as I would a beloved child and say, “I know, Little One. You’ve been working long hours. Your creativity has been such a big help. Thanks to your contribution, the writing is going to be so much more enjoyable and effective in helping as many people as possible find hope and learn to love themselves. I couldn’t do it without you. I also understand that you cannot give anything of lasting value from an empty well. You really need to take a break and refresh yourself. To rest and restock your creative juices with some fun activities so you’ll be able to continue to contribute. Tell me what you’d like to do, and we’ll make a specific plan for how and when we’re going to do it.”

At this point, I won’t take you through all the ins and outs of how this dialogue might go. Sometimes there’s a lengthy and entertaining negotiation. Sometimes all Bee needs is for me to take a five-minute break and visit the loo. A glass of water or mug of tea. A little snack if it’s been a while since I ate. Turning on the electric fireplace and adding a sweater because the room had gotten cold two hours ago but my guardian Ella (also explained in chapter 6) was so heads down in the writing that she never noticed. Or Ella had noticed but didn’t want me to stop to address my physical discomfort because she worried that if I stopped, the flow of words wouldn’t return, an example of fear-based scarcity mentality at work.

YOU MATTER!The process of connecting with Bee’s (which is to say that aspect of my own) thoughts and feelings is to stop, focus my attention, set my intention, go in, ask respectfully, listen deeply, explore, demonstrate compassion, and figure out what to do. Funny thing is, usually all she needs is something small, not a Mercedes or a yacht. A trip to the bathroom, a glass of water, a piece of cheese, a cat to pet, a peek out the window to appreciate the Rocky Mountains, or a walk around her yard to breathe fresh air and feel the sun on her face for a few minutes.

Then Bee will go back to work with me happily, knowing she is free, she matters, and she is powerful. A forced march is never the answer to a quality outcome. Force results in mental exhaustion, emotional deterioration, and output that’s less than optimal. Giving myself regular breaks fosters a sense of flow and produces spectacular results. I can trust myself to complete the work when the time is right.

Occasionally, when I talk with Little Bee, tears erupt, and I find a surprisingly deep pain. Something that I ignored for far too long until it inflicted real damage. Then I know it is time to stop, put everything else on hold, and give it my full attention. There is always time for the things that matter. Our only responsibility in each moment is to discern what matters most right now, to focus, and to follow through. My thoughts and feelings always matter, especially if I know they are causing me pain.

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“In a world where it is second nature to invest our energies in empty ventures, Deborah invites us to take a stab at the offer of a lifetime: Celebrate! At the heart of Deborah’s work is the claim that there is much to be celebrated in this life, and that a good place to start is the place that experiences the most neglect: ourselves. In her book Deborah provides a practical path to wearing a lens of celebratory love, and she does so with a wealth of curiosity and a healthy dose of humor. Combine Deborah’s written work with her compassionate coaching style, and you will be well on your way to discovering your fullest self.” Hannah Creager, Chaplaincy Director, Hospice House and Support Care of Williamsburg, Virginia

 

“How many of us see ourselves through other’s eyes, to the point that you don’t even know who YOU are anymore? We all have roles we play but, in all our role playing, we ‘forget’ who we are and what we really want or need. Deborah’s story is one that resonates with many who have lost that ‘spark’ of life and seek to find their way back. Deborah’s story is one of hope but it hasn’t been without trial and tribulation. She changed her life by changing her energy and best of all she tells you how YOU can change your life in positive ways. As a lifecoach, Deborah’s life has been a beacon of hope for her fortunate clients. She has distilled her message into a book that makes life coaching accessible and affordable to everyone. This is a great book for anyone that has ever wondered how a lifecoach can change your life for the better and the steps you can take to reconnect with that ‘spark’ of life.” Sheila Hughes

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

 

Explore Deborah's Book

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Cultivating Compassion Part 1 of 2

This post on compassion is the first of a two-part installment drawn from principles shared in my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!

Compassion is not sympathy. Sympathy is laced with judging because it involves feeling sorry for someone. However well intentioned, sympathy is a form of judging based in determining that whatever is happening to you or someone else shouldn’t be happening. Yet some of the greatest growth opportunities in life come through very painful experiences.

Cultivating CompassionCompassion is feeling with someone. Being a loving, respectful, fully present, nondirective, nonjudging companion who holds a sacred space in which the pained one can be present and completely authentic. True compassion is a rare experience. So often, sharing our pain with another person results in them trying to

  • get us to deny it (implying it’s not real);
  • convince us to ignore it (implying it’s not that bad);
  • focus our attention on something else (implying it’s not worth it); or
  • fix it for us (implying it’s so bad, it needs to stop right now, and you’re so inept, I’ll have to do it for you).

Compassion, on the other hand, is grounded in believing with every fiber of your being that we are each doing the best we can in every moment with the love and light we are able to access at that time, given the blocks resulting from whatever fears we still choose to carry.

If any of you are still harboring the illusion that those of us in the “helping professions” are able to help others because we are totally self-actualized; always have it all together; never get confused, sad, angry, frustrated, needy, or pushy; and never sink into bottomless despair, then you need to reread the previous sections.

Cultivating CompassionThose of us in the helping professions are able to help others precisely because we have grappled with similar challenges in our own lives. We are able to help because we have

  • been overwhelmed by the associated pain (rage, frustration, confusion, doubt, anxiety, depression, etc.);
  • not prevailed immediately (flopped around in the mire of despair more than a few times for more than a few minutes); and
  • had amazing grace dawn yet again.

I have come to understand that, in many cases, when I think I’m demonstrating empathy for someone, it’s really sympathy. When I demonstrate empathy, I feel sorry with the other person. My ability to put myself in that person’s place is directly proportional to my ability to feel and identify the full range of my own emotions. With sympathy, because I’m not aware of having ever felt anything like what that person is feeling, the most I can do is feel sorry for her. Sorry she had to go through whatever trial was currently beating her face-first into the dirt. Sometimes in the throes of sympathy, when I was feeling a bit too smug about my own more highly evolved consciousness (come on, you’ve all been there), I would say to myself (or heaven help me, say aloud), “Gee, it’s a shame Susie doesn’t know all that I know. Then she wouldn’t still be grieving her husband’s death or abandonment by her seventeen-year life partner or the potential loss of her home or the death of her beloved animal companion or the promotion she didn’t get at work or whatever. If Susie was as wise as I am, it wouldn’t have hit her so hard to begin with, she’d certainly be over it by now, and she would be returned to the perpetually happy fold of the incredibly enlightened.”

There’s a reason Pema Chödrön warns against “spiritual arrogance”—becoming too comfortable with how well we are doing on the path to enlightenment. The point of enlightenment is not to become superior and feel no pain. It is to open your heart wider to your own pain and, through that experience, to the pain of others. It’s to help you develop deeper love and true empathy for yourself and everyone else. It’s so you can finally connect to all of humankind on the most profound level by understanding we are one.

Cultivating CompassionMany of us in the helping professions are referred to as wounded healers because what we have chosen to do with our healed wounds is dedicate our lives to helping others heal and grow. The most inspiring healers and teachers, certainly the ones nearest and dearest to me, are comfortable being candid concerning their particular wounds (abandonment, burnout, addiction, depression, and more). By sharing openly their struggles, defeats, and victories, wounded healers help others open to the possibility that if one of us can prevail, maybe all of us can. In the movie Leap of Faith, Liam Neeson (the local sheriff) is exposing Steve Martin (traveling revivalist extraordinaire) as a fraud, based on evidence of Martin’s criminal record from a young age. Neeson thinks this disqualifies Martin to lead others to a better life. Martin replies that, au contraire, herein lies his chief qualification. Who are you going to trust to lead you out of the mess you’ve made of your life? The upright guy who has always walked the straight and narrow or the man who found redemption after wallowing in the muck and mire?

The one thing we can be certain of—in addition to death and taxes—is that, no matter what, we are all human. Whenever we start to forget that, start to get just the least bit clueless or cocky, the Universe has a not-so-funny way of reminding us—through yet another spectacular crash and burn—that we still have much left to learn about compassion.

Our reactions to our own pain are no exception. Here the full range of our most uncompassionate responses gets regular exercise. While it can be difficult to just be with another who is in pain, learning to do so is key to healthy processing of the many forms of grieving we encounter in life. The ability to hold sacred space is as vital to unconditional self-love as it is to loving another.

While understanding these concepts intellectually is a necessary starting point, it’s not sufficient to deliver substantial, sustainable results. For these lessons to have a lasting impact, they must go from something you think sounds logical and interesting to something you live at all times as your own personal truth. If you stop with respect and curiosity, you will miss the full potential impact of unconditional love. Without compassion, love cannot be fully expressed. Fear will retain a foothold. Curiosity without compassion can quickly shift to judging that leads directly back to fear-based disrespect. Whether that judging takes the form of sympathy or trying to fix it, judging will pull you out of unconditional love and plant you firmly back in the land of fear.

Cultivating CompassionNoticing and embracing all of our emotions is essential to finding flow and making it a way of life. It is nearly impossible to know how to nurture ourselves optimally if we are not willing to go inside, root around a bit, and discover what makes us tick.

I know that when you are going through something painful you might feel you can’t bear the added anguish that might result from additional data. The opposite is actually the case; the fear festers and grows in the dark, taking over our lives precisely because we refuse to look at it closely. When we expose it to light and air by examining it with love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude rather than judging, the fear immediately begins to lose some of its power.

Emotions are important messengers. They help us notice the implications of what is happening and gain the maximum benefit from everything we experience. They are powerful indicators of where fear may still have a stronghold and be blocking our growth. They point the way to where we might go exploring for untapped veins of developmental gold.

Knowing how to recognize, process, express, and release emotions is essential to our well-being. When we don’t do so, the resulting buildup of fear-based emotional toxins can be energetically lethal. Our systems bog down from the poison, and we become stuck in an endless loop of replaying past pain, injuring and crippling ourselves even more.

The next post will provide additional insights on cultivating compassion.

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“After reading Deborah’s book, I have come to realize that this has been the most inspirational and educational self-help book! Through her exceptional intuition and understanding of one’s self and many personal and professional examples she showed me how to transform myself into the person I want to be. It has tremendously impacted my personal relationships and my professional life to unending triumph. I just can’t say enough great things about this book except it’s worth every penny to get and read!!! Thanks Deborah for blessing my life through your book!!” Diane Caldwell, Owner, Affordable Mobile Pet Grooming, Newport News, Virginia

 

“This is a GREAT book! The ideas are stated simply as though conversing with a friend. I loved the construct of the ‘Board of Directors’ and immediately was able to recognize when my Board or friend’s Board had ‘gone gremlin.’ I am also a Reiki Master and have been able to use ideas from Deborah’s book with my clients. This will be a book I read multiple times.”Brenda Strong, Reiki for All Beings

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

 

Explore Deborah's Book

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

 

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

The Game of Life

In the previous post we explored the power of curiosity in neutralizing the fear-fueled, judgmental, discouraging, self-sabotaging and downright cruel voice in our heads. Here’s a brief recap before diving into today’s real life example of curiosity in action.

Fear festers in dark and isolation. The moment you expose fear to examination in the light, you begin to dissipate its power. Nowhere is this more true than when fear shows up as its relentless ugly cousin, judging.

When I talk about judging or judgment, I’m not referring to having good or bad discernment. I’m talking about judging yourself, other people, and situations in dualistic terms such as good or bad, right or wrong, okay or not okay. When we judge things by such simplistic, restrictive polarities, we limit our options, get stuck, and block ourselves from the highest good. When we can neutralize the judge, we get unstuck, expand our possibilities, and increase our ability to grow and move forward.

Judging is a prison of our own making. It is downright miraculous how even a small change in your perception can dramatically expand your perspective. To illustrate, here’s one of countless examples from my own life.

Judging is a prison of our own making

However unconscious the process may feel at the time, I am manifesting the world I choose to see. This is the reason the game of golf can be perceived as any or all of the following, depending on your lenses:

  1. a delightful afternoon immersed in nature,
  2. an exhilarating and rewarding competitive event,
  3. a fun way to exercise with friends, and/or
  4. an endless day of humiliation and torture.

Let’s look at my own experience with golf to access this insight more deeply. When we lived on the East Coast, my husband and I owned a vacation home in the Blue Ridge Mountains. When my son, Matt, was eleven years old, we enrolled him in kids’ camp to help him enjoy his time there even more by spending it being active outdoors with his peers. One weekend in August, he signed up for a daylong sports camp that provided tennis instruction in the morning and golf in the afternoon. He returned home at the end of the day utterly smitten with golf.

We were so thrilled by Matt’s enthusiasm that we enrolled in a family golf clinic so the three of us could learn and play together. We were all beginners, out there to have fun and enjoy the beauty of the Blue Ridge Mountains. We passed many a delightful afternoon playing nine holes. With a tee time late in the day and no one behind us on the course, we could take our time, observing the privilege of unlimited mulligans (do-overs) and stopping to harvest lost golf balls in the woods. Advancing the little white ball down the fairway to the little white cup was always secondary to having a good time.

Until I switched to a consulting firm where golf was not a hobby but a responsibility. One of the benefits—nay, expectations—of being a partner in this firm was that I would play golf with my colleagues and clients. In fact, I would be expected to woo prospective clients on the golf course. To do that, I was expected to be a moderately good golfer, not an embarrassment to my firm and myself.

Gone were the leisurely afternoons on my beloved Blue Ridge golf course. Now my games with family became practice for the performance my partners expected me to deliver. While swearing was not the norm for me, now when I missed the first two shots off the tee, I swore. Now when I hit a shot into a sand trap, I threw my club down the fairway while swearing. When this happened, I’d explain to my companions that my father had been in the merchant marines. They’d say, “Did he swear a lot?” “No,” I’d reply, “evidently it skipped a generation.”

Because children don’t do what we say but rather do what they see us do, it’s unsurprising that, in short order, my eleven-year-old was also throwing his clubs and swearing like a sailor. That’s when I finally got a grip. Matt and I agreed that when either of us behaved badly on the course, we had to take a time-out together in the golf cart until both of us had returned to civility. As a result, Matt and I went through a period where we spent more time in the golf cart than on the course. This may have been just as well, because we were living proof that anger is not necessarily a performance enhancer.

One day, weary of swearing, throwing clubs, and spending time in the cart, the two of us sat there, arms crossed, scowling. After a few minutes of reflection, I said, “Babe, this has got to stop. Neither of us is having any fun anymore. I think I’ve figured out my problem. I’m imagining the potentially angry, ridiculing voices of my partners in my head, and I can’t relax and have fun when I’ve put them in there to beat me up. What’s going on in your head?” He looked at me with all the disgust of a kid who believes his parent has gone ’round the bend and said, “I have no idea. I don’t even know your new partners!”

Here is the essence of what I have learned from over sixty years on this earth. The nugget, the kernel, the gem. The only hope for finding peace in this life—not just comfort but deep abiding peace—is to be insatiably, fearlessly curious about myself.

Be Curious

Not just the attractive ways I show up—my kindness, compassion, wisdom, generosity, and humor. It is important for me to acknowledge those things, but it is not enough. I need to be endlessly inquisitive about all of it, especially the unattractive habits—my insensitivity, impatience, obsession, bitterness, anger, anxiety, and despair. I have grown the most and found deep abiding peace only by embracing the ugly parts as well: appalling thoughts, speech, and behavior. It all matters and must be considered in the mix—the good, the bad, the pretty, and the ugly. All of it acknowledged with courage, compassion, and love. This concoction of disparate and dissonant motivations and behaviors is what it means to be human.

We are all capable of the full range of human motivations and behaviors; none of us is exempt. Refusing to see any part of it, lulling myself into oblivion by clinging to an incomplete, distorted Polly Perfect self-image always leads to my undoing. The greater and deeper the denial, the longer and harder the fall because that which is denied will wreak havoc. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But the longer I look without seeing and hear without listening, the more I stand to lose.

The great irony is that I’m the only person fooled when I deny the full truth of how I show up. I broadcast it through what I say and when I am silent. Through the actions I take and the times I fail to act. Through what I cherish and what I reject. Through what I long for and what I fear. I am the only one kept in the dark by living a life of denial about myself.

One of the greatest gifts I can give anyone is having the honesty and courage to see and share myself fully so that we both might benefit from our shared insight, compassion, and good humor—failures, resilience, victories. We are here to help each other grow by sharing without reservation the only thing we have to give—our authentic selves.

Authenticity is Your Greatest Gift

The only person controlling your life is you! Choose your energy and change your life. If you want to keep making yourself miserable and continue contaminating the energy of every situation you encounter, stop reading and keep doing what you’re doing. But if you have had enough, if you are ready to stop the insanity, keep reading. You are going to love what happens when you learn to embrace the next aspect of love in a new two-part series beginning next month: COMPASSION. 

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“Deborah’s book, ‘Choose Your Energy: Change our Life!,’ could benefit anyone for any reason. She is so honest in her own personal struggle and journey over many years, it is most inspiring and touching to see the person she has become. If we could all read this book and benefit from her experiences, it would be a better world! Her principles and approaches that are so eloquently documented in this book, have benefited me during our coaching sessions over the last six months. She has shared all the tools and techniques necessary to have a fulfilling life based on love of yourself FIRST.” Marla Ofstad

 

“Deborah’s message is passionate, simple and consistent throughout the book, guiding you to find your own voice and path toward being present in all aspects of your life. This is the book I pick up time and again to center my thinking and my life.” Audrey Smith, Executive Director, Hospice House & Support Care of Williamsburg, Virginia 

 

“I have known Deborah Jane Wells for many years and am witness to the amazing transformation she describes in her book ‘Choose Your Energy:Change Your Life!’ In it, she has translated the skills she honed as a world-renowned consultant and coach into practical strategies, tools and techniques the reader can readily use in their own transformation. The examples she describes–from her own life and the lives of her clients–show how this system plays out in real life and helps each reader apply these tools in their own life. This book also provides a structure you can use to apply these concepts and a ready reference when you need reminders. It is definitely worth having.” Vicki L. Dungan, Management Consultant and Real Estate Investor

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

CURIOSITY: Your Perspective-Altering, Stress-Busting SUPER POWER

Fear festers in dark and isolation. The moment you expose fear to examination in the light, you begin to dissipate its power. Nowhere is this more true than when fear shows up as its relentless ugly cousin, judging.

When I talk about judging or judgment, I’m not referring to having good or bad discernment. I’m talking about judging yourself, other people, and situations in dualistic terms such as good or bad, right or wrong, okay or not okay. When we judge things by such simplistic, restrictive polarities, we limit our options, get stuck, and block ourselves from the highest good. When we can neutralize the judge, we get unstuck, expand our possibilities, and increase our ability to grow and move forward.

CURIOSITY: Instead of judging, I wonder why.

When a ship at sea changes course by just one degree, one hundred miles later it is in completely different—potentially smoother—waters than it would have been without that small modification in direction. Internal shifts are even more profound. It is downright miraculous how even a small change in your perception can dramatically expand your perspective.

As human beings, many of us have a robust judging dialogue running in our heads much of the time: This is good for me. That would be bad for you. I was bad to do that. You were good to do that. You were bad to say no. I was good to say yes.

We’re not talking about torturing ourselves over real danger or life-and-death situations here. We’re talking about how much you spent on that blouse. Why you ate that second piece of pie at dinner. Why you tend to become impatient with your youngest child. Why you keep gaining weight. Why, no matter how hard you try, your mother-in-law can find the flaw in anything you do. Why despite his promise to do so, your husband never remembers to put the trash out on Wednesday nights. Judging is a prison of our own making.

CURIOSITY: Instead of judging, I wonder why.

 

We obsess until we’ve turned something inconsequential into a huge, paralyzing, misery-making melodrama. The solution is quite simple: just say no. Next time your brother-in-law or the voice in your head wants to play the blame game with you, just say no! Demonstrate greater creativity and suggest a game of curiosity instead.

Start with a question like this: If I am mistaken about his motivation, what might really be going on? If this isn’t about me, what are three other potential explanations that have nothing to do with me? And if one of those is the real explanation, what role do I choose to play in this situation?

Because whether it’s the voice in your head or the one coming from your older sister, you don’t have to play any role. You can listen politely and say, “I appreciate you sharing that. Let me ponder it and get back to you.” Then go about your business. You do not have to engage in every potential disagreement you’re invited to. Newsflash: in your life, you are the great decider.

CURIOSITY: Instead of judging, I wonder why.Once you get the knack, you’re going to love the feeling of trading judging for curiosity. It’s not a forced march, a different set of rules you must follow to be a “better” person. It’s a gift of grace accepted freely and with gratitude, an honor and a privilege filled with joy and wonder. By discovering possibilities you never imagined, you open the door wide and go bounding through to endless opportunities.

Sometimes, despite copious curiosity, there is no clear, 100-percent-verifiable answer. In those situations, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer taught me to ask, “Which thought moves me forward?” For example, I can’t prove or disprove to a 100 percent certainty the presence of an all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful Life Force in which everything is sourced and empowered. I find believing in such a Force expands my opportunities and moves me forward in loving, wise, powerful ways, whereas believing life is random and meaningless leaves me depressed and stuck. For me, it’s an easy choice: I choose being fully alive.

Given that judging is a prison of our own making, here is an added bonus, your so-called get-out-of-jail-free card: 95 percent of the time, other people do things for their own reasons. It has nothing to do with me. Even when it looks like it’s directed at me, even when they tell me it’s all my fault, there’s a 95-percent chance it still has little or nothing to do with me. The corollary is also true: even when I think it’s all your fault, most likely it’s not. It’s probably mostly about me. We each carry around so many assumptions, filters and lenses from our cultures, families, past disappointments, and future fears that it’s nearly impossible for any one of us to be the sole cause of anything in someone else’s life.

CURIOSITY: Instead of judging, I wonder why.

So if it’s not about me, instead of making myself crazy with destructive head chatter, how about investing my energy in being curious about what it might really be about. Better yet, how about releasing you with love, light, and respect to figure that out for yourself? Meanwhile, I can choose to do the same. Focus my energy on my own life, learn my next lesson, figure out what my next opportunity might be, and keep moving myself forward on my own path. Because, as we learned in exploring respect, I’m here to be the best me I can be. What you choose to make of your own life is completely up to you.

Becoming conscious and claiming your personal power to neutralize the judge will yield immeasurable benefits. You will literally be able to redefine your world, because there is no absolute reality, only the story you tell yourself about what is happening and what it means. Every being, encounter, and experience that comes my way is filtered through a conglomeration of lenses that results in my unique perceptions. These lenses cause me to see my world in a certain way. They are influenced by my unique and complex mix of myriad factors: the family, cultural, and societal norms I was taught; my physical and mental abilities; my personality and natural talents; my birth order; the patterns I deduced from all my past experiences; and the assumptions I’ve presumed concerning what’s likely and possible in the future.

I create my reality in each moment by choosing what I will think, believe, feel, and do based on what my lenses allow. I can choose to look through the lens of fear and remain weighed down and self-imprisoned, or I can choose the lens of love and embrace a life of freedom and flow. No outside event or situation, no other person can dictate my attitude. In my life, I AM THE GREAT DECIDER!

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“My library is filled with self-help books, stories of personal transformation, and books about coaching, leadership, and psychology. ‘Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!’ combines elements of all of these genres and will lead you on a personal journey to self-understanding, self-acceptance, and self-love. Lest you think that sounds ‘self-ish,’ let me assure you that, as Deborah explains very effectively in her ‘Lesson of the Oxygen Mask’ in part I, chapter 2, those qualities are essential for every aspect of your life, including your relationships with others. The best gift that you can give yourself—and others—is the gift of self-love, which leads to an authentic life of truly expressing yourself in all that you do. This work and the Discovery Framework that she so eloquently describes are powerful and transformational. Deborah is a guide with ultimate credibility—not only has she mastered coaching skills, but she’s wise and intuitive, she’s been on this path herself, and she freely and generously desires to share the wisdom she’s learned on that journey. Through her book, we all now have her words and wisdom available any time we want a guide to living an authentic life filled with love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude.” Liz Phillips Fisch, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP, M.Ed., Vice President, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

 

“With a theme like ‘When you fall in love with yourself, everything else falls into place’ how can you go wrong? That’s what I felt as I opened up and absorbed myself into the pages of Deborah’s book. The book was a constant and gentle reminder of how to love ourselves first, and be compassionate at all times so that we can show up as our best selves in the world. The vast amount of tools and insights further deepened my understanding and appreciation for the importance of TRUE self-love. We’re so busy taking care of others, we often neglect ourselves. And in her book, Deborah continues to bring home the point that if we aren’t good to ourselves, we cannot be good to anyone else. This book showed me how and it will show you too.” Kim Clausen

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Stressed Out and Stuck?

Getting the blues occasionally is common. I know first-hand how debilitating long-term discouragement can become if left unchecked, having suffered multiple episodes of depression in my lifetime.

Stressed Out and Stuck?

During my 30 years as an organization transformation consultant, I served as a senior partner in four of the world’s largest, most prestigious global professional services firms. In 2005, I took a five-year sabbatical to find healing and peace because non-stop work had taken its toll. My recovery from burnout, including a sustained 80-pound weight loss and freedom from 10 years of debilitating depression, led to finding my purpose sharing hope, possibilities and empowerment with the world. Through healing and self-exploration, I discovered that loving yourself unconditionally is the key to transforming your personal life, your work and the world:

  • Approaching life with love, respect, curiosity and compassion always reveals and advances the highest good, for all, in all, through all.
  • Gratitude for Universal abundance anchors each moment in generous, effortless, gracious flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy.

What If You Are the Love of Your Life?

It all starts with embracing the amazing and liberating possibility that the love of your life just might be you. Many people tell me it feels selfish to think in those terms and that we are supposed to love and care for “our neighbor.” I remind them we are also supposed to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” Many of us would end up in court or prison if we treated our neighbors the way we treat ourselves.

Love is All You Need

I am reminded of the adage, “Charity begins at home.” If, according to Merriam-Webster’s 2011 dictionary, charity is “benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity” or at a minimum “lenient judgment of others,” then I suggest it has to begin at home; it has to begin with me. My ability to love others unconditionally is directly dependent on whether I love myself unconditionally. While, as a good actor, I can fake it by keeping all the judgmental voices inside my head, as with many things in life, there is a vast difference between faking it and the real thing.

So what does this kind of love look like? According to a well-known treatise on the subject found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 of the Bible (New International Version),

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Imagine applying these to yourself. Being patient with and kind to yourself. Not being envious, believing you deserve the best of everything. Always honoring and trusting your personal truth. Respecting your abilities and the decisions you have made. Always nurturing and protecting yourself. Persevering with loyalty to yourself no matter what. Paying attention to and demonstrating compassion for whatever you are feeling. Recognizing and being grateful for your many gifts and talents. Pierre Tielhard de Chardin captured the importance of this way of living when he wrote, “Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, [we] will have discovered fire.”

The love of your life is YOU!

This is the very heart of the personal transformation I’ve experienced in my own life and the lives of my clients. With the compassionate guidance of many spiritual elders, I am learning to harness the energy of love and approach myself, every being, encounter, and experience with love.

This way of living is a path, a journey, not a destination. It is not about self-improvement. It is about becoming aware and awakening my heart, moment by moment, day by day. This path to deep peace, lasting joy and meaningful relationships begins with a three-part commitment to myself:

  1. I matter.
  2. I fuel myself with optimal constructive energy.
  3. I am powerful.

It is interesting that those who learn to fall in love with themselves are actually less likely to behave selfishly. Their joy and peace are contagious. They show up in their families, friendships and workplaces with a spring in their step and a zest for living that carries them, and those around them, forward in new and exciting directions.

Fall in love with yourself!

The bottom line? It’s not just okay to fall in love with yourself. It’s essential. When you fall in love with yourself, everything else finally falls into place. This transformation arises from a fundamental shift in your head and heart. Once love transforms your relationship with yourself, it can’t help but transform your personal life and work in ways that will exhilarate you. Your more constructive personal energy will automatically transform every being and situation you encounter. You will, by your very presence, quite literally transform the world.

The Components of Constructive Core Energy

Love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude are not just five woo-woo, New Age words I pulled out of thin air because they sounded Zen and cool. They were revealed to me individually, real-time as I lived through the phases of my own dramatic and highly personal healing and transformation in the wake of burnout.

  • Love: I nurture, encourage and delight myself in healthy ways.
  • Respect: I honor my choices; I do the best I can with the love and light I have at the time.
  • Curiosity: Instead of judging, I wonder why.
  • Compassion: I acknowledge and value my feelings.
  • Gratitude: I appreciate my life; everything is an opportunity. 

Love, Respect, Curiosity & Compassion

The formula for making these principles a way of life is simple to explain. In every situation, love yourself enough to pay attention to every aspect of your life. Respect everything you are experiencing—what you are thinking, feeling, deciding, saying and doing. Determine whether the energy underneath is love or fear. If it’s love, you are probably on your authentic path. If it’s fear, demonstrate compassion for yourself. Foster gratitude by reminding yourself that everything is an opportunity. Then further neutralize the fear by bringing curiosity to bear. Explore every aspect of the situation, especially your internal landscape, and identify all of the opportunities available to you through this unique experience. As with any new skill, practice will help this way of being become a healthy new habit—your automatic response to every situation.

Gratitude fosters flow!

In summary, figure out what you want, understand whether it’s fueled by fear, transform any fear into love, set your intention, and then get ready to receive it, because it will happen. 

To help yourself remain mindful of this healthier new habit, try incorporating relevant affirmations that anchor your desire for constructive core energy. Here are three of my personal favorites:

  • God is God, I am God’s and love is the greatest power in the Universe.
  • I consecrate my choices: thoughts, words and deeds. I never use them to injure or deceive myself or others.
  • I fill my heart with love, compassion and gratitude. I align myself with the highest good. Blessed be all through me.

The Core Energy Scan

With this rudimentary understanding of the roles of love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude in fostering constructive core energy and manifesting a life of flow, you are better equipped to notice when any one of the big five would benefit from recalibration and what form that might take. When, despite your best efforts, you become discouraged because you’ve temporarily strayed from the path of loving yourself unconditionally, a real-time Core Energy Scan can help you identify which aspects of your thinking would benefit from recalibration and what form that might take.

Core Energy Scan

Above you will find a snapshot of the worksheet used for the scan. In my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!, I provide a variety of scans to help you recognize when you are out of alignment and get yourself back on track, including the Core Energy Scan. Click here to download a FREE full-size, color version of my Core Energy Scan, along with full-size, color versions of all of the other illustrations and scans included in my book. 

The Core Energy Scan consists of a five-step process, with each step grounded in caring enough about yourself to do the following: 

  • Pay attention so that you notice quickly whenever fear creeps into your energetic mix.
  • Invest your energy in assessing the root cause of the fear.
  • Determine what baby steps will strengthen the presence of love in your reality.
  • Hold yourself accountable for following through on your commitment to take action.
  • Assess your results and continuously refine and expand your action plan to maximize the presence of love and minimize the presence of fear in the core energy with which you fuel your life.

Having gotten honest with myself, if the results of the scan indicate there is something significant to explore but I don’t yet feel able to go deeper, I demonstrate respect and compassion by not forcing myself. I relax into exactly where I am on my journey. Caring enough about myself to notice and explore my unhappiness plants the seed for emerging insights. Whenever I invest my energy in conducting the scan, I’ve already taken an additional step toward recognizing unresolved fear inside me and moving myself forward on my personal journey to wholeness.

You're worth the effort!

You are worth the effort. With practice, you will turn unconditional self-love into a healthy new habit that will become a way of life. When love takes over your core energy, you will begin building the less stressful, more fulfilling life you dream of.

The only person controlling your life is you. Turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities by harnessing the transformative power of love to step into your greatness. Choose your energy and change your life!

Mood Booster Bonus Tool

Here’s a bonus tool for turning your mood around when you feel down. It’s a proven best practice for boosting your sense of hope and fostering a spirit of optimism and gratitude. It’s much more effective than consuming a pint of ice cream in one sitting. What’s this powerful technique?

How to Lighten Your Load

Lend a helping hand to someone else in need.

Nothing cures the blues like taking your eyes off yourself and reaching out to help another. I have a client who used volunteering to help heal herself from the severe depression that followed her husband’s many years of suffering and death from cancer. While she was working with me to learn how to demonstrate unconditional love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude for herself and her painful journey in each moment, she also reached out with passion and commitment to help others in need in her local community.

When you serve others—and help lighten their loads—you make a difference. Knowing you’ve had a constructive impact in someone else’s life provides you a renewed sense of meaning and accomplishment.

Next time things aren’t going your way and you are starting to feel down, in addition to conducting a Core Energy Scan to strengthen your demonstration of unconditional love for yourself, try doing something kind for someone else as well. It may be as simple as paying a compliment to a stranger or holding the door for a parent with a small child. Not only will you make that person’s day, you just may make your day too.

Lend a Helping Hand

Who do you know that could use a helping hand today? Whose burden can you help lighten right now?

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

Anne Barton“Here is what I know about Deborah Jane Wells … she walks her talk. I was a witness to her process for writing this book and she followed her energy and her heart every step of the way. The principles and wisdom shared in her book, along with practical steps for truly creating meaningful change in your life, come from Deborah’s personal life experience and that of many of her clients. In life she is curious, courageous, loving, spiritual and always willing to delve deeper to understand herself better. And she offers this same support and guidance for all who cross her path. Deborah embodies a unique combination of an organized, well-developed left brain balanced by a strong connection to her creativity and inner capacities. As a result, ‘Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!’ offers a holistic approach to personal growth. This book is filled with engaging personal stories and a series of tools that you’ll use throughout your life.” Anne Barton, Founder, The E Life

 

Rev. David A. Johnson

“I was trained as a research scientist over a half-century ago. The agreed-upon methodology centered upon empirical evidence. Such evidence was continually subject to verification—or falsification—through repeated experimentation and re-interpretation. By virtue of this iterative process, narratives and subjective experiences were de-valued or dis-credited entirely. Only objective/dispassionate experiences and observations were worthy of serious scrutiny. All scientific publications, research proposals and presentations to professional meetings were expected to be grounded in objectivity. Story-telling was viewed, at best, as a harmless diversion from the search for truth.

Deborah Jane Wells, in her 2013 memoir ‘Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!,’ brings personal narrative—and love—back to their proper places in human understanding. Drawing upon her decades of experience as a writer, speaker and empowerment coach, she recognizes the important distinction between ‘stuff that’s true’ and ‘stuff that matters.’ To be sure these two realms are overlapping, not mutually exclusive. Yet their methodological focus is different. Personal narrative gives essential recognition to the ambiguity, paradoxes, contradictions, chaos and imperfections that constitute every living system. Life unfolds through tinkering and testing, not via ‘intelligent design.’ I recall the words of the biologist Lewis Thomas, who observed (in ‘The Medusa and the Snail,’ 1974), ‘The capacity to blunder slightly is the real marvel of DNA. Without this special attribute, we would still be anaerobic bacteria. And there would be no music.’

If you are comfortable with life’s ambiguities, contradictions, and contingencies and if you are able to welcome ‘the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ as gifts for learning and maturing, then Deborah Jane Wells’ compelling memoir into ‘stuff that matters’ will invite your engagement. You may even be prompted to re-consider some of your favorite hobby-horses and learned limitations.” Rev. David A. Johnson, Interim Minister, Williamsburg Unitarian Universalists, Virginia

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

The Liberation Found in Going with the Flow

Have you ever known someone who seemed to be born with all the advantages—money, status, intelligence, opportunity—but floundered and ricocheted through life in a constant state of frustration, lack and misery?

Have you ever known someone who appeared to be born with a ton of limitations—poverty, abandonment, academic challenges, maybe even a few run-ins with the law—but transcended it all to live happily and gratefully, despite circumstances, becoming responsible, successful and widely respected?

What was the difference between the two? Why did the one for whom you’d think gratitude and success should have been easy, never thrive? And the other, who could have found plenty of reasons to wallow in self-pity and limitation, do just the opposite?

Your attitude creates your reality

So what are the keys to fostering an optimistic attitude? It’s a construct I call “living in flow.” What is flow, and what does falling in love with yourself have to do with finding it? While you may study a more in-depth explanation in my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! (Hay House/Balboa Press 2013), here’s a quick summary.

When you fuel all aspects of yourself with love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude, you begin living in flow. Your life becomes a fluid Journey to Wholeness grounded in who you are being, not what you are doing. Every breath, thought, word, and act—your very presence—fosters a generous, effortless, gracious life of flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy.

  • Faith: I am confident that love is the greatest power in the Universe.
  • Hope: Universal love is always unfolding the highest good for all, in all, through all.
  • Prosperity: My Universal Source is excellent, limitless and reliable.
  • Peace: I relax into all that was, is and will be.
  • Joy: Whatever my circumstances, I know who I am and Whose I am: a unique cocreative expression of the Divine.

I live in flow: being not doing

When living in flow, work, rest and play all feel the same. Organic. Effortless. Force is not needed to accomplish anything; in fact, its use would be detrimental because force disrespects your deepest wisdom and greatest gift: your intuition.

Rainer Maria Rilke said it this way, “May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.”

Your ability to experience flow in any moment, filling your life with faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy, is directly proportional to your ability to fuel yourself in that moment with love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude. That fuel allows you to realign your awareness with what I call the God’s-eye view, enhancing your perception and expanding your perspective until you know that, whatever may be happening at that moment, we are one and Universal love is always unfolding the highest good for all, in all, through all.

Constructive core energy fosters flow

These terms are not just five woo-woo, New Age words I pulled out of thin air because they sounded Zen and cool. They were revealed to me individually, real-time as I lived through the phases of my own dramatic and highly personal healing and transformation in the wake of burnout.

  • Love: I nurture, encourage and delight myself in healthy ways.
  • Respect: I honor my choices; I do the best I can with the love and light I have at the time.
  • Curiosity: Instead of judging, I wonder why.
  • Compassion: I acknowledge and value my feelings.
  • Gratitude: I appreciate my life; everything is an opportunity. 

The formula for making these principles a way of life is simple to explain. In every situation, love yourself enough to pay attention to every aspect of your life. Respect everything you are experiencing—what you are thinking, feeling, deciding, saying and doing. Determine whether the energy underneath is love or fear. If it’s love, you are probably on your authentic path. If it’s fear, demonstrate compassion for yourself. Foster gratitude by reminding yourself that everything is an opportunity. Then further neutralize the fear by bringing curiosity to bear. Explore every aspect of the situation, especially your internal landscape, and identify all of the opportunities available to you through this unique experience. As with any new skill, practice will help this way of being become a healthy new habit—your automatic response to every situation.

Curiosity

In summary, figure out what you want, understand whether it’s fueled by fear, transform any fear into love, set your intention and then get ready to receive it, because it will happen.

Becoming conscious and claiming your personal power to neutralize the self-sabotaging, judgmental voice in your head will yield immeasurable benefits. You will literally be able to redefine your world, because there is no absolute reality, only the story you tell yourself about what is happening and what it means.

Every being, encounter and experience that comes my way is filtered through a conglomeration of lenses that results in my unique perceptions. These lenses cause me to see my world in a certain way. They are influenced by my unique and complex mix of myriad factors: the family, cultural and societal norms I was taught; my physical and mental abilities; my personality and natural talents; my birth order; the patterns I deduced from all my past experiences and the assumptions I’ve presumed concerning what’s likely and possible in the future. 

I create my reality in each moment by choosing what I will think, believe, feel and do based on what my lenses allow. I can choose to look through the lens of fear and remain weighed down and self-imprisoned, or I can choose the lens of love and embrace a life of freedom and flow. No outside event or situation, no other person can dictate my attitude.

The lens I choose creates my reality

To help yourself remain mindful of this healthier new habit, try incorporating relevant affirmations that anchor your desire for living in flow. Here are three of my personal favorites:

  • I free myself of all fear and dedicate myself as a clear channel for love, light, hope, possibilities and empowerment.
  • I do not rush. I am enough. I discern, focus and follow through. The Universe works wonders through me.
  • I learn my lessons quickly and gently and help others do so as well.

Once you get the knack, you’re going to love the feeling of trading judging for curiosity. It’s not a forced march, a different set of rules you must follow to be a “better” person. It’s a gift of grace accepted freely and with gratitude, an honor and a privilege filled with joy and wonder. By discovering possibilities you never imagined, you open the door wide and go bounding through to endless opportunities.

However unconscious the process may feel at the time, you are manifesting the world you choose to see and the life you choose to live. What perspective and attitude will you choose today? The only person controlling your life is you. Choose your energy and change your life! 

Daring Greatly

Many of us think if we dare to try something new or take a risk in order to expand or improve our lives, we won’t make life better, we’ll make it more difficult.

Daring greatly

We tell ourselves it’s easier to stick with the status quo because it’s predictable. Our preference for the familiar is so strong, it’s actually cited as one of the most common reasons people chose to stay in dysfunctional—even abusive—situations and relationships.

But what if the familiar just isn’t working for you anymore?

We’ve all heard the saying “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” You reach a point where you can no longer escape the truth: you know in your heart what’s really making your life difficult is constraining it with the same old limiting beliefs and destructive habits. Fear is keeping you small—trapped in a lackluster life you’ve come to loathe.

So what if you do recognize the status quo just isn’t working for you anymore? What if you realize it’s keeping you stuck in a life you’ve outgrown? What if you’ve had enough of the familiar and you’re ready to take action to try something new that could help you break through the old barriers of limitation and lack that have been holding you prisoner in a life you abhor?

When the Universe loves you enough to keep pushing you outside your comfort zone, it’s time to embrace the grace you’re being offered, face your fears, stop resisting and open your fearful heart to new possibilities.

Baby step, gratitude, celebrate, repeat!

One of my favorite movies of all time is What About Bob? The film is about the transformative archetypal journey of the hero: the lesson that no matter how broken we are, with love and compassion, a dash of courage, a pound of commitment and a sense of humor, we can do anything. We can learn and grow into happier, healthier people. Every one of us can find deep peace, lasting joy and meaningful relationships. We do this through a lifetime of never-ending baby steps. Bless his heart, Bob baby steps his way all over the transformative Universe. Each time he pushes past his current limits to try something new, he is delighted. After his first sailing adventure (for which they had to tie him to the mast to get him to participate), he exclaimed to all he met, “I’m a sailor! I sail!”

Ready to live a life of generous, effortless, gracious flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy?

The Flow Scan

Whenever you have the sense that you are stuck or blocked, a real-time Flow Scan can help you identify which aspects of your thinking would benefit from recalibration and what form that might take.

Flow Scan

On the previous page you will find a snapshot of the worksheet used for the scan. In my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!, I provide a variety of scans to help you recognize when you are out of alignment and get yourself back on track, including the Flow Scan. Click here to download a FREE full-size, color version of my Flow Scan, along with full-size, color versions of all of the other illustrations and scans included in my book.

The Flow Scan consists of a five-step process, with each step grounded in caring enough about yourself to do the following:

  • Pay attention so that you notice quickly whenever you are feeling stuck.
  • Invest your energy in assessing the fear-based lies and illusions that are blocking you, identifying any feelings of distrust, despair, scarcity, panic or misery.
  • Determine what baby steps will restore your life to a love-based truth and reality of faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy.
  • Hold yourself accountable for following through on your commitment to take action.
  • Assess your results and continuously refine and expand your action plan to fill your reality with the truth of love-based flow and minimize succumbing to the lies and illusions of fear-based blocks.

I live in flow: being not doing
You’re worth the effort. With practice, you will become adept at noticing whenever you’re feeling stuck or blocked and quickly taking action to restore flow. This way of living mindfully will become a healthy new habit through which you will build the less stressful, more fulfilling life you dream of.

Start today by identifying one small step you can take in the direction of your dreams. Even though trying something risky or new may cause your pulse to quicken and your palms to sweat, the rewards will far outweigh any perceived benefits to simply ‘playing it safe’. In fact, playing it safe is actually the riskiest path because through it you risk wasting your one precious life. You risk missing entirely the reason you are here. To be who you fully are at your core with delight and abandon. To let your light shine to brighten the way for all of us. You’re the only you we’ve got. A precious natural resource never to be wasted or taken for granted.

Baby Steps Make a Big Difference

Slow and steady produces meaningful, lasting results. Vast forced output is rarely sustained. Great strides of lasting value involve myriad baby steps over time. If the conceivers of the Taj Mahal had believed fast was the only way to get there, it would have crumbled in the first storm.

The power of baby steps

Easy does it. Letting any shifts be as organic as possible is key to more substantive, longer lasting results. Begin with one tiny baby step toward one small desired change. No amount of progress is too inconsequential to celebrate. Each step forward is an important opportunity to stop, consider what you’ve learned, examine your new tools, realize your new strengths and embrace with gratitude the joy that will take you to the next step.

Celebrating each success is key to fostering the constructive core energy that will keep moving you forward. Noticing and demonstrating love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude for any resistance to change is as important to moving forward as celebrating your successes.

Before you know it, you will have left behind your former life of limitation and lack. You will have built your dream and it will last your whole life through. What will you dare to do today with your one precious life?

Excerpt from “Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!” © Copyright 2013-2018 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“Do you feel overwhelmed, out of sorts, and unfulfilled? Do you work and strive to do more, and still find that no matter how much you do it’s never enough? Do you feel depleted and constantly on the hamster wheel of life? Striving but never arriving to a place of contentment and peace? Do you over give to everyone else and find that you feel empty and unappreciated, yet struggle with receiving from others in return? Do find yourself stuffing those empty feelings with food, alcohol, shopping, social media, toxic relationships or some other obsession or habit that leaves you feeling unsatisfied? Have you searched for answers but have come up empty handed? Then this is the guidebook to help transform your life by not only helping you learn to fall in love with yourself, but explore patterns that no longer serve your highest good.

This amazing book is packed full of skills, tools, and techniques to assist you on the journey to a life fueled by love rather than fear. Deborah Jane Wells will challenge you to examine your life and will teach you the ‘Discovery Framework’ that will guide you to choose love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude as your core energy. Through this new perspective it will help you implement and experience the flow of faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy so that you can live a fulfilled life. She will walk with you while sharing her own journey of struggles and help you learn to find balance, hope, and inspiration to live a life that you truly love. As a psychotherapist and someone who has struggled on my own journey in life I highly recommend this book to anyone who is really ready to face the challenges of getting unstuck and ready to make real changes in their life and to learn to fall in love with the person who matters most…You!” Angela McGoldrick, MS, LPC, Executive Director, Life in Balance, Christiansburg, Virginia

“Just as all of us are born as unique individuals with gifts and abilities, all of us encounter unique obstacles and challenges in life that may limit or hinder us in fully expressing our gifts and abilities. In her book, ‘Choose your Energy: Change your Life!,’ Deborah Jane Wells encourages readers to discover ourselves, embrace who we are and welcome life’s challenges as opportunities rather than roadblocks. I found this book to be insightful and encouraging in its message. What we tell ourselves about ourselves is the backdrop against which we then measure the significance and value of all our life’s encounters, experiences, accomplishments or failures. When we choose to stand upon a foundation of love and respect for ourselves, it follows that we can view the world around us with the same positive energy. Curiosity, compassion and gratitude can be powerful and transformative attitudes we extend to the world around us when we choose first to view ourselves with these same grace-based convictions. This book will be an affirmation to all who read it.” Debra Maviglia Podish

 

NEW 2017
EXPANDED EDITION
NOW AVAILABLE
in print, ebook and—
for the first time ever—
AUDIOBOOK

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment