The Not-So-Good Opinions of Others

A couple of weeks ago, I received from Hay House one of its ongoing insightful emails based on the lessons of ascended master teacher Wayne Dyer. Because I’ve immersed myself in so much of Wayne’s work through the years, I was ready to delete this email without opening it because I have so many to process when I wake up in the morning.

By embracing the fear-fueled belief that I have too much to do and too little time in which to accomplish it, I was already choosing to start my day by embracing the scarcity mindset (uh-oh). But grace abounds! Despite my sense of needing to hurry and delete without reading anything I deemed non-essential, I opened Wayne’s email.

Is anyone surprised that I found the perfect encouragement for a situation I had encountered the day before when someone chose to respond judgmentally and non-compassionately to an email from me asking friends and family to send prayers of support and healing energy for my husband and myself because we had just learned that my husband needed to be scheduled for a 2.5 hour out-of-town surgery just one week later that would entail 23 hours in recovery?

And, is anyone surprised that, stressed out by the many tasks I was juggling to put all the details in place with short notice while suppressing my own anxiety over the surgery’s outcome, that night I became sobbingly enraged over the respondent showing up with arrogance and a cold heart as he so typically does?

While I didn’t share my reaction with the offender, I chose to poison myself again and again by cycling back through my sense of outrage, injustice and betrayal throughout the evening. That’s what happens when we react judgmentally to being judged unfairly—which is exactly what I was doing. I was responding judgmentally to someone being judgmental with me. It would be downright funny if the ramifications weren’t so lethal. Adding insult to injury, every time I rehash painful past experiences, I choose to re-injure myself by generating the same toxic cortisol stress cocktail in my system that I originally fostered during my chosen reaction to the initial experience.

Fortunately, the light dawned when Wayne intervened with this wise reminder before I got that cycle going again the morning after the big affront:

Perhaps the greatest mistake we make, which causes a loss of self-respect, is making the opinions of others more important than our own opinion of ourselves. Self-respect means just what it says—it originates from the self. This self originated in a universal field of intention that intended you here—from the infinite formless state to a being of molecules and physical substance. If you fail to respect yourself, you’re showing contempt for the process of Creation.

“You’ll find no shortage of opinions directed at you. If you allow them to undermine your self-respect, you’re seeking the respect of others over your own, and you’re abdicating yourself. Then you’re attempting to reconnect to the field of intention with low-energy attitudes of judgment, hostility, and anxiety. You’ll cycle into low-energy vibrations that will simply force you to attract more and more of these lower energies into your life. Remember, it’s high energy that nullifies and converts lower energy. Light eradicates darkness; love dissolves hate. If you’ve allowed any of those lower negative thoughts and opinions directed your way to become the basis of your self-portrait, you’re asking the universal mind to do the same. Why? Because at the high frequencies, the universal Source of intention is pure creativeness, love, kindness, beauty, and abundance. Self-respect attracts the higher energy. Lack of self-respect attracts the lower. It knows no other way.

“The negative view points of others represent their low-energy ego working on you. Very simple, if you’re judging anyone, you aren’t loving them at that moment. The judgements coming your way, likewise, are unloving but have nothing to do with your self-respect. Their judgements (and yours as well) distance you from your Source, and therefore away from your power of intention. As my friend and colleague Gerald Jampolsky observed, ‘When I am able to resist the temptation to judge others, I can see them as teachers of forgiveness in my life, reminding me that I can only have peace of mind when I forgive rather than judge.’

“This is how you return to the self in self-respect. Rather than judging those who judge you, thereby lowering your self-respect, you send them a silent blessing of forgiveness and imagine them doing the same toward you. You’re connecting to intention and guaranteeing that you’ll always respect the divinity that you are. You’ve cleared the path to be able to enjoy the great power that is yours in the field of intention.”

Whatever you encounter, whatever your circumstances, showing up fueled by constructive core energy based in unconditional love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude will always serve the highest good for all, in all, through all.

Note to self, behave accordingly.


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About djwlifecoach

As a retired board-certified coach, author and Reiki master teacher, I continue to share hope, possibilities and empowerment with the world. What's love got to do with minimizing stress and getting unstuck? Everything! My book, "Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!" (Hay House/Balboa Press 2013) shares my story and the stories of 10 of my clients along with my signature Discovery Framework. During my 30 years as an organization transformation consultant, I served as a senior partner in four of the world's largest, most prestigious global professional services firms. In 2005, I took a five-year sabbatical to find healing and peace because non-stop work had taken its toll. My recovery from burnout, including a sustained 80-pound weight loss and freedom from 10 years of debilitating depression, led to finding my purpose sharing hope, possibilities and empowerment with the world. Through healing and self-exploration, I discovered that loving yourself unconditionally is the key to transforming your personal life, your work and the world. With attention and intention, I learned to live in alignment with love through a wealth of energy-shifting tools and techniques that help me reduce stress, anxiety and overwhelm by releasing limiting beliefs, emotions and habits. My books, blog and radio episodes help individuals and organizations harness the transformative energy of love to turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities and step into their greatness. Learn more and access FREE resources at For fun, I love singing, reading, sewing, knitting, golfing and movies. I live in Williamsburg, Virginia with my husband, Wilson, and the coaching cats who manage my life—SiddhaLee and Maisy Jane.
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