The Freedom of Forgiveness

Our exploration of the principles shared by Bruce D. Schneider in his book, Energy Leadership, continues with the topic of forgiveness. Many people have difficulty forgiving others because they mistakenly believe that, in forgiving, they are condoning—and potentially encouraging the repetition of—a particular act or behavior. The primary dictionary definition of forgiveness is “to excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.” The Energy Leadership perspective on forgiveness goes deeper—forgiveness involves releasing the self-destructive catabolic energy of judgment and blame so that you can move forward. In this definition, the concepts of “wrong” or “right” fade as we recognize that whatever we are aren’t forgiving is imprisoning and holding us back.

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t about saying what the other person did was fine and didn’t hurt. It’s about detaching from inviting the event to continue to have any negative hold over you. When you forgive, you detach from the destructive impact that fanning the catabolic flames of blame has on you by embracing the anabolic energy of forgiveness to liberate and empower yourself instead.

Forgiveness is a superpower. One of the biggest shifts you can make to remove catabolic energy from your life is to forgive others. In the seven levels of energy described in his book, Bruce identifies Level 3 as the one at which your energetic balance shifts from predominantly fear-fueled, constricting, restricting, destructive catabolic energy to a preponderance of love-fueled, expanding, empowering, constructive anabolic energy. The key emotion associated with that shift at Level 3 is forgiveness. You make that uplifting shift every time you forgive those you feel have wronged you in some way.

At first glance, forgiving someone else can seem like an impossible task. If you are like many, when you believe the other person did something wrong, didn’t show you respect, undermined you, hurt you or violated one of your core values, your first reaction is to feel hurt, upset, angry or resentful. You blame them and maybe even crave revenge. Think of a situation in your life, current or past, where someone did something that you haven’t forgiven. How do you still feel when you think about it? Sit with those emotions for a moment, fully embracing them and noticing how they feel in your body, mind, heart and soul. Then read on.

Dwelling on that past unforgiven offense probably didn’t cause you to feel loved, encouraged, peaceful, relaxed and calm. Every time you rehash painful past experiences, you are choosing to re-injure yourself by generating the same toxic cortisol stress cocktail in your system that you originally fostered during your chosen reaction to the initial experience. Holding onto anger and resentment hurts you much more than it can ever hurt the other person.

Harnessing catabolic energy to lash out at the offender may temporarily restore a false sense of power. But that “good feeling” will quickly fade as the poisonous catabolic energy you are harboring inside you continues to eat away at you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually—blocking you from having the life you really want and being the person you want to be.

One of my favorite forgiveness quotes comes from St. Augustine, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” By not forgiving, you are only hurting yourself. If you spend most of your energetic resources on blame and anger, you’ll have little left to invest in more constructive, life affirming engagement. By not forgiving, the hurt to yourself goes on and on.

How can you release those feelings? Take responsibility for what you are thinking and feeling and realize that you have the power to make things better for yourself. As Bruce D. Schneider is fond of saying, “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Give yourself one of the greatest gifts–choose to forgive others. Realize that in order for you to feel like a winner, someone else doesn’t have to lose. Remember that others are always doing the best they can in each moment with the love and light they have concerning the circumstances they are facing.

Look for the gift and opportunity in whatever’s happened. Change your perspective. Think of forgiving in a different way and thank the other person for giving you an experience that you are going to use to help you learn and grow.

Choose your energy: change your life!

Eager to explore the greater liberation to be found in strengthening your ability to forgive?  Sign up below for a 60-minute complimentary coaching session.

Web copy used by permission. No reproduction or retransmission is permitted without expressed written consent of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). ©2006-2016 Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

About djwlifecoach

As a coach, author, speaker, singer, artist, consultant, radio host, Reiki Master and EFT/tapping practitioner, I share hope, possibilities and empowerment with the world. What's love got to do with minimizing stress and getting unstuck? Everything! My book, "Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!" (Hay House/Balboa Press 2013) shares my story and the stories of 10 of my clients along with my signature Discovery Framework. During my 30 years as an organization transformation consultant, I served as a senior partner in four of the world's largest, most prestigious global professional services firms. In 2005, I took a five-year sabbatical to find healing and peace because non-stop work had taken its toll. My recovery from burnout, including a sustained 80-pound weight loss and freedom from 10 years of debilitating depression, led to finding my purpose guiding others on their journeys. Through healing and self-exploration, I discovered that loving yourself unconditionally is the key to transforming your personal life, your work and the world. With attention and intention, I learned to live in alignment with love through a wealth of energy-shifting tools and techniques that help me reduce stress, anxiety and overwhelm by releasing limiting beliefs, emotions and habits. My books, blog, radio show and signature coaching programs help individuals and organizations harness the transformative energy of love to turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities and step into their greatness. To learn more about my work in the world, visit djwlifecoach.com. Subscribe to my blog at tiny.cc/djwblog. Listen to my radio show at tiny.cc/djwradio. View my author video and book trailer at tiny.cc/djwauthorvideo and tiny.cc/djwbooktrailer. Access 40+ tapping resources at tiny.cc/djwtaps. Send email to deborah@djwlifecoach.com. For fun, I love singing, reading, sewing, knitting and movies. I live in Williamsburg, Virginia with my husband, Wilson, and the three coaching cats who manage my life—SiddhaLee, Mortimer and Maisy Jane.
This entry was posted in All My Blog Posts, Energy Leadership and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s