Getting Unstuck: The Flow Scan

Many of us think if we dare to try something new or take a risk in order to expand or improve our lives, we won’t make life better, we’ll make it more difficult.

We tell ourselves it’s easier to stick with the status quo because it’s predictable. Our preference for the familiar is so strong, it’s actually cited as one of the most common reasons people chose to stay in dysfunctional—even abusive—situations and relationships.

But what if the familiar just isn’t working for you anymore?

We’ve all heard the saying “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” You reach a point where you can no longer escape the truth: you know in your heart what’s really making your life difficult is constraining it with the same old limiting beliefs and destructive habits. Fear is keeping you small—trapped in a lackluster life you’ve come to loathe.

So what if you do recognize the status quo just isn’t working for you anymore? What if you realize it’s keeping you stuck in a life you’ve outgrown? What if you’ve had enough of the familiar and you’re ready to take action to try something new that could help you break through the old barriers of limitation and lack that have been holding you prisoner in a life you abhor?

When the Universe loves you enough to keep pushing you outside your comfort zone, it’s time to embrace the grace you’re being offered, face your fears, stop resisting and open your fearful heart to new possibilities.

One of my favorite movies of all time is What About Bob? The film is about the transformative archetypal journey of the hero: the lesson that no matter how broken we are, with love and compassion, a dash of courage, a pound of commitment and a sense of humor, we can do anything. We can learn and grow into happier, healthier people. Every one of us can find deep peace, lasting joy and meaningful relationships. We do this through a lifetime of never-ending baby steps. Bless his heart, Bob baby steps his way all over the transformative Universe. Each time he pushes past his current limits to try something new, he is delighted. After his first sailing adventure (for which they had to tie him to the mast to get him to participate), he exclaimed to all he met, “I’m a sailor! I sail!”

Ready to live a life of generous, effortless, gracious flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy?

The Flow Scan

Whenever you have the sense that you are stuck or blocked, a real-time Flow Scan can help you identify which aspects of your thinking would benefit from recalibration and what form that might take.

The image above is a snapshot of the worksheet used for the scan. In my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!, I provide a variety of scans to help you recognize when you are out of alignment and get yourself back on track, including the Flow Scan. Click here to download a FREE full-size, color version of my Flow Scan, along with full-size, color versions of all of the other illustrations and scans included in my book.

The Flow Scan consists of a five-step process, with each step grounded in caring enough about yourself to do the following:

  • Pay attention so that you notice quickly whenever you are feeling stuck.
  • Invest your energy in assessing the fear-based lies and illusions that are blocking you, identifying any feelings of distrust, despair, scarcity, panic or misery.
  • Determine what baby steps will restore your life to a love-based truth and reality of faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy.
  • Hold yourself accountable for following through on your commitment to take action.
  • Assess your results and continuously refine and expand your action plan to fill your reality with the truth of love-based flow and minimize succumbing to the lies and illusions of fear-based blocks. 

 

You’re worth the effort. With practice, you will become adept at noticing whenever you’re feeling stuck or blocked and quickly taking action to restore flow. This way of living mindfully will become a healthy new habit through which you will build the less stressful, more fulfilling life you dream of.

Start today by identifying one small step you can take in the direction of your dreams. Even though trying something risky or new may cause your pulse to quicken and your palms to sweat, the rewards will far outweigh any perceived benefits to simply ‘playing it safe’. In fact, playing it safe is actually the riskiest path because through it you risk wasting your one precious life. You risk missing entirely the reason you are here; to be who you fully are at your core with delight and abandon. To let your light shine to brighten the way for all of us. You’re the only you we’ve got. A precious natural resource never to be wasted or taken for granted.

Baby Steps Make a Big Difference

Slow and steady produces meaningful, lasting results. Vast forced output is rarely sustained. Great strides of lasting value involve myriad baby steps over time. If the conceivers of the Taj Mahal had believed fast was the only way to get there, it would have crumbled in the first storm.

Easy does it. Letting any shifts be as organic as possible is key to more substantive, longer lasting results. Begin with one tiny baby step toward one small desired change. No amount of progress is too inconsequential to celebrate. Each step forward is an important opportunity to stop, consider what you’ve learned, examine your new tools, realize your new strengths and embrace with gratitude the joy that will take you to the next step.

Celebrating each success is key to fostering the constructive core energy that will keep moving you forward. Noticing and demonstrating love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude for any resistance to change is as important to moving forward as celebrating your successes.

Before you know it, you will have left behind your former life of limitation and lack. You will have built your dream and it will last your whole life through. What will you dare to do today with your one precious life?

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Force, Flow & Baby Steps | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Finding Flow: Being not Doing

Have you ever known someone who seemed to be born with all the advantages—money, status, intelligence, opportunity—but floundered and ricocheted through life in a constant state of frustration, lack and misery?

Have you ever known someone who appeared to be born with a ton of limitations—poverty, abandonment, academic challenges, maybe even a few run-ins with the law—but transcended it all to live happily and gratefully, despite circumstances, becoming responsible, successful and widely respected?

What was the difference between the two? Why did the one for whom you’d think gratitude and success should have been easy, never thrive? And the other, who could have found plenty of reasons to wallow in self-pity and limitation, do just the opposite?

So what are the keys to fostering an optimistic attitude? It’s a construct I call “living in flow.” What is flow, and what does falling in love with yourself have to do with finding it? While you may study a more in-depth explanation in my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! (Hay House/Balboa Press 2013), here’s a quick summary.

When you fuel all aspects of yourself with love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude, you begin living in flow. Your life becomes a fluid journey to wholeness grounded in who you are being, not what you are doing. Every breath, thought, word, and act—your very presence—fosters a generous, effortless, gracious life of flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy.

  • Faith: I am confident that love is the greatest power in the Universe.
  • Hope: Universal love is always unfolding the highest good for all, in all, through all.
  • Prosperity: My Universal Source is excellent, limitless and reliable.
  • Peace: I relax into all that was, is and will be.
  • Joy: Whatever my circumstances, I know who I am and Whose I am: a unique cocreative expression of the Divine.

When living in flow, work, rest and play all feel the same. Organic. Effortless. Force is not needed to accomplish anything; in fact, its use would be detrimental because force disrespects your deepest wisdom and greatest gift: your intuition.

Rainer Maria Rilke said it this way, “May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.”

Your ability to experience flow in any moment, filling your life with faith, hope, prosperity, peace, and joy, is directly proportional to your ability to fuel yourself in that moment with love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude. That fuel allows you to realign your awareness with what I call the God’s-eye view, enhancing your perception and expanding your perspective until you know that, whatever may be happening at that moment, we are one and Universal love is always unfolding the highest good for all, in all, through all.

These terms are not just five woo-woo, New Age words I pulled out of thin air because they sounded Zen and cool. They were revealed to me individually, real-time as I lived through the phases of my own dramatic and highly personal healing and transformation in the wake of burnout.

  • Love: I nurture, encourage and delight myself in healthy ways.
  • Respect: I honor my choices; I do the best I can with the love and light I have at the time.
  • Curiosity: Instead of judging, I wonder why.
  • Compassion: I acknowledge and value my feelings.
  • Gratitude: I appreciate my life; everything is an opportunity. 

The formula for making these principles a way of life is simple to explain. In every situation, love yourself enough to pay attention to every aspect of your life. Respect everything you are experiencing—what you are thinking, feeling, deciding, saying and doing. Determine whether the energy underneath is love or fear. If it’s love, you are probably on your authentic path. If it’s fear, demonstrate compassion for yourself. Foster gratitude by reminding yourself that everything is an opportunity. Then further neutralize the fear by bringing curiosity to bear. Explore every aspect of the situation, especially your internal landscape, and identify all of the opportunities available to you through this unique experience. As with any new skill, practice will help this way of being become a healthy new habit—your automatic response to every situation.

In summary, figure out what you want, understand whether it’s fueled by fear, transform any fear into love, set your intention and then get ready to receive it, because it will happen.

Becoming conscious and claiming your personal power to neutralize the self-sabotaging, judgmental voice in your head will yield immeasurable benefits. You will literally be able to redefine your world, because there is no absolute reality, only the story you tell yourself about what is happening and what it means.

Every being, encounter and experience that comes my way is filtered through a conglomeration of lenses that results in my unique perceptions. These lenses cause me to see my world in a certain way. They are influenced by my unique and complex mix of myriad factors: the family, cultural and societal norms I was taught; my physical and mental abilities; my personality and natural talents; my birth order; the patterns I deduced from all my past experiences and the assumptions I’ve presumed concerning what’s likely and possible in the future. 

I create my reality in each moment by choosing what I will think, believe, feel and do based on what my lenses allow. I can choose to look through the lens of fear and remain weighed down and self-imprisoned, or I can choose the lens of love and embrace a life of freedom and flow. No outside event or situation, no other person can dictate my attitude.

To help yourself remain mindful of this healthier new habit, try incorporating relevant affirmations that anchor your desire for living in flow. Here are three of my personal favorites:

  • I free myself of all fear and dedicate myself as a clear channel for love, light, hope and possibilities.
  • I do not rush. I am enough. I discern, focus and follow through. The Universe works wonders through me.
  • I learn my lessons quickly and gently and help others do so as well.

Once you get the knack, you’re going to love the feeling of trading judging for curiosity. It’s not a forced march, a different set of rules you must follow to be a “better” person. It’s a gift of grace accepted freely and with gratitude, an honor and a privilege filled with joy and wonder. By discovering possibilities you never imagined, you open the door wide and go bounding through to endless opportunities.

However unconscious the process may feel at the time, you are manifesting the world you choose to see and the life you choose to live. What perspective and attitude will you choose today? The only person controlling your life is you. Choose your energy and change your life!

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Force, Flow & Baby Steps | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Letting Go of Resentment

Hot shot kid in a too-fast car cut you off this morning; it’s noon and you’re still seething.

Spouse had an affair 25 years ago and even though you’ve been divorced for 10 years, your stomach still knots up when you think about it.

You moved to a new city for a great career opportunity but long so much for your former home and friends that you can’t find anything to like about the new place.

You regularly whip yourself into a frenzy because your 40-year-old son stays home to raise the kids while your daughter-in-law works long hours at her fancy law practice.

forgiveness quote lama surya das

Every time you rehash painful past experiences, you are choosing to re-injure yourself by generating the same toxic cortisol stress cocktail in your system that you originally fostered during your chosen reaction to the initial experience. Holding on to anger and resentment hurts you much more than it can ever hurt the other person. It keeps you trapped in a painful prison of your own making.

You know you should let it all go, and you try, but there it is—that same old stuff still claiming rent-free space in your head.

Just exactly how does one let go so that the residue of the past is put away, forgotten, or transformed into memories that can be called upon at will, rather than those that show up like telephone solicitors at dinnertime and demand attention?

Letting go has to do with living in the present moment rather than the past. It happens when the past isn’t projected into the future, but is left behind where it belongs. It is about making amends when called for, taking care of that which needs attending to, forgiving rather than re-living.

forgiveness quote eckhart tolle
Try this:

  • Next time a thought about something that happened in the past floats into your mind, let it pass through without jumping aboard and going along for the ride. If you focus on it, like a weed that gets watered, it will grow. Try acknowledging the thought, then, with a deep breath, letting it go.
  • If the thought that comes along is about something that’s left undone, you may need to take some action before you can let go. Do you need to make amends to someone, clear up some misunderstanding, write a letter, or make a phone call? Perhaps you need to make a list of the actions needed to clear a situation and set some goals. Begin with a small, manageable baby step, but, whatever you must do, begin. Taking action becomes the catalyst for letting go.
  • Stay in the now and appreciate the circumstances of your life. Make a gratitude list of what you like about wherever you are, not just your living arrangements, but other parts of your life, too. Get rid of what is no longer appropriate in your life and create more space for new parts of yourself to show up.
  • Write letters that you may or may not send to people you need to release—including yourself. (CAUTION: always wait a few days and check with someone you trust if you have any doubts about the appropriateness of actually sending a letter.) Write unsent letters to situations from your past or to people, even those who have passed away. Write what you feel, ask for what you need, and say goodbye.

forgiveness quote steve maraboli

  • Let go by putting away pictures, memorabilia, clothes, gifts, and anything else that keeps you actively connected with past experiences from which it would be more beneficial to move on.
  • Make a ceremony of letting go. Burn old letters or journals. Dig a hole in the earth and bury what needs to be buried. Write a letter or vow for the occasion, read it aloud. Light candles, sing songs. Like water after a deep tissue massage, weep, if need be, to clear the emotional toxins. Include others in your ceremony for support.
  • Let go of old ideas that have outlived their usefulness in your life. People, lifestyles and cultures change. Talk to others, get fresh perspectives. Focus on what’s good about change, find the ways it benefits you and others. Holding on to how it used to be keeps you from fully participating in and appreciating the present.
  • Release thoughts and words that categorize, measure, evaluate, judge, or condemn yourself and others. Eliminate words like should, ought, can’t, if only, however, and impossible.

Gerald Jampolsky, M.D., author of Love is Letting Go of Fear, wrote, “When we cherish or hold onto grievances, we cannot let go. We become imprisoned.”

Forgiveness is a superpower.

Forgiveness isn’t about saying what the other person did was fine and didn’t hurt. It’s about detaching from inviting the event to continue to have any negative hold over you. When you forgive, you detach from the destructive impact that fanning the catabolic flames of blame has on you by embracing the anabolic energy of forgiveness to liberate and empower yourself instead.

forgiveness quote lewis b smedes

Learning to fuel yourself with constructive core energy grounded in love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude (LRCCG) will enhance your life choices. And, for those times when you feel you’ve drifted off the path, make self-forgiveness easier.

In every situation, love yourself enough to pay attention to every aspect of your life. Respect everything you are experiencing—what you are thinking, feeling, deciding, saying, and doing. Determine whether the energy underneath is love or fear. If it’s love, you are probably on your authentic path. If it’s fear, demonstrate compassion for yourself. Foster gratitude by reminding yourself that everything is an opportunity. Then further neutralize the fear by bringing curiosity to bear. Explore every aspect of the situation, especially your internal landscape, and identify all of the opportunities available to you through this unique experience.

As with any new skill, practice will help this way of being become a healthy new habit—your automatic response to every situation.

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Grief, Loss & Bereavement, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

To Change Your Reality, Change Your Story

Every day, Jerome begins his work by telling himself his favorite story: I’m not valued around here. They’re heaping on the work just to see when I’ll quit. I’m sure to be passed over for promotion.

His co-worker, Alissa, has her own favorite story: This company’s president is a critical and demanding control freak, who shuts me out of every decision but expects me to know everything.

To Change Your Reality, Rewrite Your Story

We tell ourselves enough of these kinds of stories daily to fill a library: Why my supervisor closed her door today. Why the client rejected my proposal. What my associate meant when he laughed at my question. Why everyone is being so difficult. How I’m such a failure.

And on, and on, and on. And that’s just at work. What about the stories we tell ourselves at home? We live our lives as if the stories are true. We act and react, often in pain, from our fear-fueled and mistaken conclusions. We imprison ourselves with our interpretations of others’ words or actions, our assumptions about why they are saying or doing what they are and our limiting beliefs about how those people—and we, ourselves—should be different.  

The Damage Comes From the Story

It is these stories, and the emotions that flow from the stories, that are usually the source of the pain and/or discomfort we feel in our relationships, whether at work or at home. We want to blame it all on others, but in reality, it’s usually the story we tell ourselves in our heads that causes much—if not all— of the discomfort, says Byron Katie, author of the best-selling book Loving What Is.

We can ease the pain and experience more freedom, by getting curious and expanding our perspective to include other possibilities for what’s really going on.

“The result of investigation is often a deeper appreciation of the people in our lives, and a realization that it was not their words or actions that really harmed us, but our uninvestigated thoughts about their words or actions,” Katie says.

In her book, Katie outlines a simple path of inquiry into these horror stories we tell ourselves that revolves around four questions:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
  3. How do you react when you think that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

forgiveness quote byron katie

Doing the Investigative Work

First, state your belief about someone and ask yourself if it is true and whether you can know absolutely, without a doubt, that it is true. For example, let’s take Alissa’s belief that her boss is a critical and demanding control freak, who shuts her out of every decision but expects her to know everything.

Is it true her boss is critical? Demanding? Do others in the office hear constructive, well-intentioned suggestions where she hears criticism? Has she never had the freedom to implement work as she sees fit? Does she know without a shadow of a doubt that her boss’s actions are about wanting to control her every sorry action? 

The next question for Alissa is: How does she act and react when she thinks these thoughts? Does she find herself angry and resentful? Does she go out of her way to avoid encounters with her boss? Does she respond defensively to any sort of comment? Does her work suffer? Does her body tense up or her stomach ache when she interacts with her boss? Does she enjoy any of her time at work? Talk about lack of peace and harmony!

And, if she chose to stop spinning this story, who would she be?

Perhaps she would be more content at work and enthusiastic about the new learning she’s receiving. Perhaps she would be less concerned about what others thought of her and more intent on contributing in unique ways to the work at hand. Perhaps she would be next in line for a promotion. Or perhaps she would be working for another company. She’s likely to be calmer and more peaceful.

The Turnaround

The final step in this investigation is for Alissa to turn around the statements she’s been making. Does she express criticism in other areas of her life in ways that are harsh and hard to hear? Does she try to control her spouse, her children, her co-workers? Is she critical and demanding of herself? Our “stories” often point to our own traits that we project onto others so as to disclaim them.

It’s important to note that with inquiries like this, there is no right answer. The goal is not perfection, but truth.

“Who would you be without your story?” Katie says. “You never know until you inquire.”

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Move Your Body, Move Your Soul

Whatever your size, shape or gender, encouraging your body to move freely and intuitively can help you connect with and harness the wisdom of your authentic voice. Moving your body liberates your soul to access your deepest dreams and desires and recognize the many opportunities already available to you for making them your reality—one baby step at a time.

“Nothing is more revealing than movement,” said modern dance pioneer Martha Graham.

Move your body, move your soul!

Graham understood the body as a source of insight into some of the core issues of one’s life—a source of knowledge, empowerment and transformation, a pathway to awareness.

When we “move to learn,” rather than “learn to move,” we enter unexplored inner territory. We begin to discover aspects of ourselves and our lives from new and refreshing perspectives. The personal history stored in our body becomes accessible for examination and transformation.

The value of movement in giving expression to one’s inner life traces back to earliest human history, when disease was seen as a loss of soul and dance was an integral part of the healing process. In many cultures still today, dance and movement are vital and profound ways to touch the center of one’s being. When we reduce our body’s movement to just burning calories, losing weight or attracting others, we stop far short of the joyous fulfillment that’s possible.

Why not give it a whirl?
You’ve got nothing to lose, except the limits fear, stress and pain have been placing on your life.

Release any harsh habits of self-criticism and judgmental restriction. Fuel freer movement with unconditional love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude. In that space of unfettered flow, you will release the wellspring of hope, possibilities and empowerment buried deep within you.

Move your body and celebrate the magic it reveals. Reclaim your power and recapture your zest for living. Turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities and step into your greatness!

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Falling in Love With Yourself, Joy & Vitality | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

How Well Do You Love Your Body?

Whatever our gender, when temperatures increase, the amount of clothing decreases and our bodies are typically more on display. Many of us feel particularly vulnerable if our bodies are even a fraction shy of the unrealistic, inhumane culturally defined perfect 10.

 

How Well Do You Love Your Body?

 

Your perception and treatment of yourself strongly influences the way others perceive and treat you. Research shows that self-criticism and self-loathing are actually detrimental in helping us make substantial, sustainable changes that will support healthier ways of living. Fear-and force-fueled tactics may produce short-term results, but they don’t anchor the type of long-term physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing we seek.

 

How Well Do You Love Your Body?

 

To free yourself from the destructive cycle of self-abuse, focus on the ways your body serves you—and how you can better serve it. Your answers to the following questions will help reveal additional opportunities to harness the power of respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude to nurture, encourage and delight yourself in healthy ways—always and in all ways.

True or False

I appreciate that my arms enable me to hold someone I love, that my thighs enable me to run.

I wear comfortable clothes that I really like and that feel good to my body, rather than trying to hide or camouflage my body or following uncomfortable fashion trends.

I consider myself as a whole person, not just as a body.

 

How Well Do You Love Your Body?

 

I do things that let me enjoy my body—dance, play, take a hot bath, walk, get a massage.

I think and behave as I would if my body were perfect.

I notice that the appearance of people I admire is unimportant to their kindness, compassion and accomplishments.

I do things I enjoy and don’t let my weight or shape stop me.

At night, I tell my body how much I appreciate what it has allowed me to do throughout the day.

 

How Well Do You Love Your Body?

 

I exercise to feel good and love my body, not to feel perfect or worthy.

I count my blessings, not my blemishes.

I think of my body as a source of pleasure.

I only wear comfortable clothes that help me express who I am at my core: worthy, wise, creative, powerful and beautiful.

I consider myself the expert on my body, not the fashion magazines, the cosmetics industry or the weight tables.

I am as “in love” with my body as an infant is.

 

How Well Do You Love Your Body?

 

I think of my body as a tool, as an instrument of my life, not just as an ornament.

I show up as my body’s ally and advocate, not its enemy.

I listen to my body and take its needs and wishes into consideration when making decisions.

I refuse to squander my energy in criticizing my body or worrying about my appearance, and instead spend my time on something more precious or productive.

When someone says, “You look great today,” I enthusiastically respond, “Thank you so much!”

 

How Well Do You Love Your Body?

 

We may find ourselves more appreciative  of our bodies and ourselves if we aim for lifestyle mastery, rather than mastery over our body, weight, or appearance. Lifestyle mastery is about cultivating our unique gifts,  tapping into our potential, expressing ourselves, fostering meaningful relationships, turning obstacles into opportunities and contributing to the greater good for all, in all, through all.

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Falling in Love With Yourself, Joy & Vitality | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Life Lessons from the Garden

Consider the dandelion. Reviled by many as an insistent, bothersome weed, it nevertheless continues to proudly display its pert, bright yellow self everywhere in lawns, gardens and sidewalk cracks.

I Thrive in the Face of Adversity

Where, in our own lives, do we face adversity? How do we carry ourselves through it: head down, beating ourselves up or feeling defensive and resentful? Or head up and face open, like the dandelion, sure of our intrinsic worthiness, knowing our gifts to the world, even if the world doesn’t necessarily recognize them?

For those who know how to look and wait, the garden teems with other such life lessons. As spring deepens this year, turn your awareness to the wise teachings of nature.

Life Lessons from the Garden

It’s OK to be imperfect. Trying to grow the perfect rose, or the perfect cabbage, is an exhausting, never-ending quest for flawlessness. “Imperfect” roses are still beautiful and “imperfect” cabbages still burst with flavor, just like we humans. With our myriad imperfections, we still contribute our own beauty and zest to the world.

Pruning improves growth. Removing old habits that don’t serve us opens new possibilities for growth in areas that do serve us.

Pay more attention to your health than your appearance. As author William Longgood wrote, “Over fertilized plants may be beautiful but are otherwise useless, like people whose energies are devoted so completely to their appearance that there is no other development.”

Regular maintenance is important. Isn’t it so much harder to clear an overgrown jungle of a garden than to regularly pull encroaching weeds? Think of the clutter that can accumulate in our houses, the extra pounds that are harder to lose than to keep off in the first place, the overwhelm or illness that can result from too little self-care.

Have faith. Plant a seed, water it, and trust that it will grow. Similarly, believe that the shifts you make in your life, the dreams you hold dear, will fully blossom if you nourish and protect them.

I nurture, encourage and delight

Don’t be afraid to try new approaches. The garden is an incredible laboratory for experimentation. What new approaches do those old problems in your life need? Trial and error is one of life’s best teachers. Not trying is the domain of hopelessness.

Take care with predators. It doesn’t take long for predators to damage the result of your careful cultivation, in the garden and in life. What toxic thoughts, relationships, substances, emotions and behaviors are feeding on your energy and blocking you from bestowing your gifts on the world? Eliminate them.

Transform your trash. The compost heap turns rotting plant waste into a treasure pile of rich, organic fertilizer. What negative patterns in your life can you work to transform? When we do the hard work of breaking down these habits, the results are often rich and beneficial to our lives.

Your are unique and precious

Everyone is unique and needed. Everything in nature has a function that is interdependent. As famous naturalist John Muir said, “When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.” Rock, plant, bird, bee—even bacteria in the soil—all occupy a vital place in life. What is your purpose, your gift to the world? Who do you depend on; who depends on you?

Something important happens every day. No amount of progress is too small to merit your appreciation. Pay attention and celebrate the myriad little daily miracles in your life and the world around you.

Baby step, gratitude, celebrate!

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

 

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

If someone offered you a precious gift for an hour of your time, would you be interested? That’s what I offer with a Complimentary Coaching Session. A comp session isn’t a brief demo or sample. It’s a full 45-minute coaching session focused on current real life challenges of your choosing plus 15 minutes to discuss your experience and any questions you may have about my approach to coaching.

There is no expectation or pressure to hire me as your ongoing coach. Providing meaningful, substantive comp sessions with no obligation is one of the ways I demonstrate gratitude and give back to the Universe a small portion of the abundance and opportunity it bestows on me daily.

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS! 

Those who have experienced comp sessions will tell you, when you come to your session open to the possibilities for transformation and fully committed to your own growth, big breakthroughs can happen!

FREE Coaching Session

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah 

“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

 

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

Explore Deborah's Book

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Joy & Vitality | Tagged , , | Leave a comment