One common cause of relationship stress is unclear expectations. The best solution for this dilemma is clear communication. So how do you have a productive conversation about expectations with your partner, friend, boss or colleague?
Begin with a conversation opener such as: “I’m not sure I understand your expectations for this situation. I’d like to do my part to deliver a result we’ll both feel good about. Here are my thoughts. (Share using neutrally phrased “I statements”.)
Then, ask, “What are your thoughts?”
This next step is essential: really listen to the response. Listen to understand, not reload. If you are not ready to listen, then you are not ready to have the conversation. Make sure your heart and mind are open to collaboration and that you are seeking a true win-win outcome, not a strong-armed capitulation.
Finally, check that you understand what was conveyed. You might say, “So it sounds like you would like to ____________. Is that correct?” Continue asking clarifying questions and reflecting back what you have heard until you have reached a mutual understanding.
Honing the life skill of open, clear communication will reduce your overall stress dramatically. By listening deeply and communicating clearly, you will be trusted, respected and valued as a friend, colleague and partner.
© Copyright 2012 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
I am retired from 40+ years of helping individuals and teams build lives and organizations they love. One of the great joys of my retirement from professional practice is having greater bandwidth to donate my professional and creative talents to support and promote animal and social welfare charities.
During my 30 years as an organization transformation consultant, I served as a senior partner in four of the world’s largest, most prestigious global professional services firms. In 2005, I took a five-year sabbatical to find healing and peace because non-stop work had taken its toll.
My recovery from burnout led to finding my purpose guiding others on their journeys. As a board-certified coach, author, consultant, radio host, Reiki Master and EFT/tapping practitioner, I share hope, possibilities and empowerment with the world.
111419 DJW Sid CH Pet Corner Photo ShootI help clients achieve rapid, extraordinary, sustainable results by connecting who they are with what they do, a connection often lost through stress and the sheer busy-ness of daily life. Courageous self-awareness and unconditional self-love lead to honest choices based on priorities that nurture you and those around you on a journey to wholeness.
Decades in coaching, consulting, change management, organization development, human resources and mixed media artistic expression honed my business sense, professionalism, creativity, intuition, leadership and communication skills. The result? Practical tools that help you become more insightful, creative, committed, productive and fulfilled.
Even the most dedicated and hard-working individuals can shift from frustration to a sense of futility when their values, passion, work, and lives become disconnected. One of the problems with not taking care of our health is that the effects of ignoring it are often slow to show up. We continue to juggle family responsibilities, work and finances until we lose ourselves, waking up one day 50 pounds heavier in body and soul—no good to ourselves or anyone else.
I love working with people who are ready to take life-changing action to make their dreams a reality. At each moment, you have inside you all the wisdom you seek to choose your life and your way of showing up. Limiting thoughts, beliefs and feelings can block you from moving forward. An absence of love and concern for yourself can result in negative head talk that holds you back with discouraging messages about who you are and what you can do.
By listening and caring deeply, I guide you in connecting with your own inner wisdom. We identify the way you’d like to live. We determine what’s blocking you and release you from the hold those blocks have over you—unleashing the positive energy that will fuel you forward. Together we develop a plan to move you closer to your heart’s desire.
My books, blog, radio show and signature coaching programs help individuals and organizations harness the transformative energy of love to turn unexplored possibilities into fulfilling realities and step into their greatness. What’s love got to do with it? Everything! My book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! (Hay House/ Balboa Press 2013) shares my story and the stories of 10 of my clients along with my signature Discovery Framework.
For fun, I love reading, sewing, knitting, yin yoga, afternoon tea, opera and movies. I live in Williamsburg, Virginia with my spouse, Wilson Abney, and the cat who runs our life, Maisy Jane.
This entry was posted in All My Blog Posts
, Relationships, Boundaries & Belonging
, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout
and tagged Deborah Jane Wells
, How to de-stress
, How to stress less
, What are boundaries
, What is a healthy relationship
, What is belonging
, What is burnout
, What is perfectionism
, What is stress
, What is stress management
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