I frequently hear from readers, listeners and clients that they are encouraged and gain even deeper insight when I share my personal ups and downs. They learn how to sustain faith and hope while treating themselves with respect and compassion when they too stray from the path.
A Zen mistress living a perpetually serene life
in a mountain retreat would soon be
of little use to anyone living in the real world.
Based on yet another experience, it would appear I have little risk of transitioning to that sort of existence any time soon. Hallelujah, opportunities will abound for the foreseeable future!
Here’s the story. Recently, during what could have been a fun-filled group outing, I found myself feeling unloved and ignored. If you’ve read chapter six of my book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!, you’ll recognize those feelings as a perfect storm to activate the core fears of my ‘personal board of directors’—I DON’T MATTER and I AM POWERLESS. Uh-oh!
So, what constructive, compassionate
response did I choose when I was feeling
uncomfortable at the outing?
I binged on potato chips at the after party to distract my heart by momentarily delighting my taste buds and helping me to hold onto my body armor for protection in the form of extra layers of fat. How human and un-loving of me.
When I returned home, I immediately recognized my old dysfunctional coping mechanism and tried to process it with non-judgmental respect, curiosity and compassion rather than self-loathing and shame. Unfortunately, when the original frustration and sadness persisted, I added insult to injury by gorging on popcorn and animal crackers while watching TV in a state of utter exhaustion based in too little sleep for too many nights in a row, pressures of launching a new radio show this week and emotional overwhelm due to severe, prolonged health challenges four loved ones are experiencing. Guess what? That didn’t make me feel better either.
THE GOOD NEWS? I’M STILL HUMAN!
Here’s what came to me the following morning. The way I treated myself the previous night was far more insidious, considerably more disrespectful and decidedly more unloving than whatever slights (real or imagined) I thought I had experienced at the hands of others. Because I KNOW WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING that overeating junk will not return the sense of generous, effortless, gracious flow that I was longing for. Junk food is not a journey of lasting faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy. The initial bliss of eating the chips didn’t even carry me through the rest of the evening because I felt I needed to give it another go when I returned home.
The core lesson (and first of fourteen tools for fostering flow shared in chapter 7 of my book): PAY ATTENTION.
If I’m not feeling as loved as I’d like,
the first relationship to examine
is my relationship with myself.
Am I demonstrating unconditional love for myself by nurturing, encouraging and delighting myself IN HEALTHY WAYS no matter what my circumstances or companions?
My own carelessness and inconsistency in showing up for myself with love is often the primary contributor to any sense of love deficit I may be experiencing at any time. When I can trust myself to be ever mindful and unwavering in unconditional love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude for myself and every aspect of my journey, I am not so easily tossed about by circumstances and the good health, good mood and goodwill of others. It is not statistically reliable to depend on others to 1) know exactly what I need in each moment and 2) be willing and able to provide it at just the right time 24-7. Not because they lack compassion or competence but because they already have their hands full managing the one life for which they are completely response-able: their own.
My latest little detour is a great reminder that if I pay more attention to recognizing what’s happening with me and engaging consciously and constructively to support my optimal functioning physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I’ll experience a more consistent flow of faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy than if I just keep hoping someone else will show up to make it all better for me.
Fortunately, my job description
for this lifetime doesn’t
include perfection as a
requirement or even a goal.
MY PRIMARY ASSIGNMENT?
In every situation, love yourself enough to pay attention to every aspect of your life. Respect everything you are experiencing—what you are thinking, feeling, deciding, saying, and doing. Determine whether the energy underneath is love or fear. If it’s love, you are probably on your authentic path. If it’s fear, demonstrate compassion for yourself. Foster gratitude by reminding yourself that everything is an opportunity. Then further neutralize the fear by bringing curiosity to bear. Explore every aspect of the situation, especially your internal landscape, and identify all of the opportunities available to you through this unique experience. As with any new skill, practice will help this way of being become a healthy new habit—your automatic response to every situation.
Note to self—there’s always another opportunity
to start fresh and make better choices.
Today is that day. Every moment is that moment. You are loved and loving, blessed and a blessing. And so it is. Namaste. Amen. Blessed Be.
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What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah
“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris
“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan
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What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book
“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”
“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”
Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! 