Six Days of Love and Curiosity

Posted on February 14, 2011 by djwlifecoach

As promised, below you will find the posts from the brief and tumultuous six-day lifespan of my beloved sister blog site, Love and Curiosity – Gems for the Journey.  Many thanks to the loyal fans who followed my musings there.  While Gemmy has returned to the creative ether from whence she came, rest assured you will find lots of future Gems here.

Day 1 of 6 February 5, 2011 – The Keys to the Kingdom

Here you will find the words I live by.  Brief daily insights inspired by my favorite authors, including Julia Cameron, Pema Chödrön, Wayne Muller, Dawna Markova, Louise Hay, Mary Anne Radmacher, Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Mary Oliver, Cheryl Richardson, Parker Palmer, Thomas Moore, Bruce D Schneider, Wayne Dyer,  Sue Monk Kidd, William Bridges and untold others.

When approached with Love and Curiosity, each day is a gift of endless possibilities for good.

Day 2 of 6 February 6, 2011 – Creating a Life

Julia Cameron’s book, “The Artist’s Way,” quite literally saved my life.  My body, mind and spirit began the journey to wholeness when I began living her teachings.  That all of us are essentially creative beings – not just those who call themselves Artists with a capital “A.” That our creativity is Divinely Sourced – as essential to sustaining life as breathing.

With deep gratitude I dedicate this new online journal to Julia Cameron and the other writers and teachers who make my life a joyous adventure of personal discovery and unlimited possibilities for good each and every day.  I encourage you to purchase a copy of Julia’s daily readings book, “The Artist’s Way Every Day – A Year of Creative Living” and read along with me .

Believe in yourself.  You matter.  Dream big.  With curiosity, love, compassion and a sense of humor, all things are possible.  Namaste.

Day 3 of 6 February 7, 2011 – Passion and Purpose

At nearly 57 years of age, I am in the best health – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual – of my entire life.  While I still have my ups and downs, my days are woven with deep peace, lasting joy and meaningful relationships.  This great blessing is the result of the quest I introduced in the preceding entry – a Journey to Wholeness that began five and a half years ago with the reading of Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way and has continued with input from many other sages.  I found myself living alone for the first time in my life – unhappy, unhealthy, unfit. While it was very hard for the first four months as I continued to struggle against my solitude, one day in a moment of grace I realized isolation afforded me the opportunity to work on the relationship I had neglected my entire life – the relationship with myself.  Stripped of my habitual pattern of avoiding my own needs and feelings by focusing on caring for others, I finally turned my attention to myself.  With Love and Curiosity, in the words of Robert Frost, I finally took the road less travelled by and that has made all the difference.

A core text I recommend to my life coaching clients to stimulate self discovery is Wayne Muller’s How, Then, Shall We Live?  Wayne poses four questions that help us reveal the passion and purpose of our lives by awakening four realms of the inner life – Identity, Love, Daily Practice and Kindness:

  • Who am I?
  • What do I love?
  • How shall I live, knowing I will die?
  • What is my gift to the family of the earth?

In his Letters to a Young Poet, Rainier Maria Rilke urged, “Live the questions now.  Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”  I transform the challenges of my life into opportunities by living the answers to these questions every day, for Life is indeed a Journey, not a destination.  And while the answers grow richer and deeper with the passage of time, the essence remains the same.  My purpose, my passion, my reason for being here is to help others live their dreams by finding their own answers.

May your life be one of endless self discovery and growth, resulting in passion, purpose, deep peace, lasting joy and meaningful relationships.  Namaste.

Day 4 of 6 February 8, 2011 – Synchronicity

Yesterday I had a thought – what if all of my striving to make things happen was actually working against me?  What if I was missing many of my best synchronistic opportunities because I was too busy working my plan?  How might my experience be transformed if I just stayed more centered in the present moment, clear in who I am and my purpose, but not trying to architect my life down to the last detail?

Here’s how the Universe replied:

Today’s Daily Word reading from Unity was titled “SYNCHRONICITY.”  My daily reading from Julia Cameron was on SYNCHRONICITY.  My Pema Chödrön and Wayne Muller daily readings were also on SYNCHRONICITY.  The daily creativity prayer from Julia Cameron was on SYNCHRONICITY.  The Wayne Dyer audio lecture I finished today closed by extolling the virtues of trusting in SYNCHRONICITY.  Get aligned with Source Energy, and the Universe will support your endeavors.

Just me, just here, just now, just be.  Ya think?

Namaste and good night. 

Day 5 of 6 February 9, 2011 – Charity Begins at Home

As we approach Valentine’s Day, the subject of love is top of mind.  If, according  to Merriam-Webster’s 2011 dictionary, charity is “benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity” or at a minimum “lenient judgment of others,” then I suggest it has to begin at home – it has to begin with me.  My ability to truly love others is directly dependent on whether I truly love myself. While as a good actress I can fake it – keep all the judgmental voices inside my head – there is a vast difference between faking it and the real thing.

So what does love this kind of love look like? According to a well-known treatise on the subject found in 1 Corinthians 13:v4-8 (New International Version, ©2010):

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  8 Love never fails.

Imagine applying these to yourself.  Being patient with yourself.  Being kind to yourself.  Not being envious – believing you deserve good things.  Always treating yourself with honor.  Always protecting and trusting yourself.  Always hoping for the best for yourself.  Always being there for yourself.

This is the heart of my personal transformation over the past two years.  With the compassionate guidance of Buddhist Life Coach Pema Chödrön, I am learning to always approach myself and others with Love and Curiosity.  This way of living is a path, a Journey, not a destination.  It is not about self-improvement.  It is about being aware and awakening my heart, moment by moment, day by day. It is a path to deep peace, lasting joy and meaningful relationships.

You are loved and loving.  You are blessed and a blessing.  With Love and Curiosity, all things are possible.  Namaste.

Day 6 of 6 February 10, 2011 – The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

I’ve spent much of the past two days listening to 8 lectures by Pema Chödrön.  Throughout the program, she warns that the more you study and practice Buddhism, the more you will encounter your own frustrating nature.  That just when you think you should have it all together, you realize the only thing you’ve figured out is that you don’t have it all together. Everything was just ducky until I sat down to write this blog.  Then the whining began.  BINGO!

I used to think Buddhists were people who had risen above normal human experience.  They were always very “zen” – chanting and not caring about anything.  Boy, was I clueless.  According to Pema, Buddhism isn’t about escaping your emotions, it’s about embracing them – the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s about awakening your heart with constant awareness of yourself and your feelings.  It’s about observing them with love and curiosity – accepting everything about yourself, especially the most frustrating aspects.  The point of enlightenment is not to become superior and feel no pain.  It’s to open your heart wider and wider to your own pain and, through that experience, to the pain of others.  It’s to help you develop deeper love and true empathy for yourself and everyone else. So you can finally connect to all of humankind on the most profound level by understanding we are all fundamentally the same.  We are all Just Human.

So, here I sit.  Tired, confused, not sure where my life is headed.  Feeling a little sorry for myself.  Pissed that I committed myself to a second blog site.  Not sure what to write that will inspire anyone else when I feel so uninspired.  Not sure anyone really cares whether I write now or ever.  Nothing to write.  No reason to write.  So alone.

In tears of frustration, I close my eyes, start breathing slowly and deeply, and ask for guidance.  The answer comes, “Observe the teachings.”

(inhale) I embrace the agony I am creating for myself.
(exhale) With compassion, I send myself love, joy and peace.
(inhale) I focus on the people all over the world who are tired and confused.
(exhale) Others who don’t know if they are on the right path.
(inhale) Others who feel alone and that no one cares.
(exhale) With compassion, I send them love, joy and peace.

After a few cycles of breathing and holding these thoughts, peace envelops me.  I know that all over the world, others are observing this same practice as they sit with their personal pain.  Total strangers and yet we are thinking of each other with compassion and sending each other love,  joy and peace.  We are not alone.  Someone does care. We care.

That’s Buddhism.

I am thinking of you with compassion
and sending you love, joy and peace.
Namaste.

© Copyright 2011 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Creativity & Self-Expression, Force, Flow & Baby Steps, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout, The Power of Sharing Your Story, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wherever You Go, There You Are

Posted on February 12, 2011 by djwlifecoach

Those who’ve been following this book from the beginning will notice that initially I published frequently – often more than once a week.  But over time, my entries became more sporadic, concluding with me not publishing at all for over 10 weeks.  As I explained in the previous chapter, restructuring my arts business, reworking my professional space, ramping up my life coaching practice, immersing myself in my coach certification program, hosting holiday house guests and handling the various vagaries of life made it difficult to sit down at the keyboard for a few quiet hours during which I could write without pressure to my heart’s content.  But I know that we find time for the things that matter to us, no matter what.  And publishing, sharing with you, means a great deal to me.  So I began to get an itchy feeling that there was something else going on other than being too busy to write.  Then the data disaster drove me to publish again. (Good news about the data recovery effort will make its way to you soon, along with the additional lessons I’ve learned on that leg of my Journey.)

The continued unfolding of dramatic changes in my life and the feeling of living each day on the brink without data, caused me to take a hard look at many areas of my life, including publishing the book online.  I found that the decline in my rate of publishing had little to do with busyness.  And it had nothing to do with having nothing to say or caring less about my readers.  If anything, the reminder of the fragility of our connection to things we hold precious, only deepened my compassion for all beings and taught me more that I wanted to share.  What I discovered, when I took a hard look at my relationship to publishing was something Julia Cameron writes about with regularity.  My EGO was getting in the way.  And so I decided I would find a way to make writing feel less monumental to encourage me to write more frequently, because connecting with humanity through my writing is an important way in which I realize my purpose on this earth.

So last weekend I got the bright idea to launch an additional blog  (Love and Curiosity – Gems for the Journey) with the intention of publishing on that site daily.  My initial plan was to use the daily meditations from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way Every Day – one of the books I read from each morning to feed my written mediation practice – to create a very brief Deborah-and-Julia sort of experience.  I’d expound briefly on one of Julia’s many inspiring thoughts thereby sharing the inspiration with my readers, with the possibility that they might choose to purchase Julia’s book and read along with me.  It was a lovely possibility for deeper connection with all humanity that warmed my soul. Julia’s an amazing writer.  With Julia providing guaranteed structure and inspiration, I’d have tons of material to work with.  Combined with the intentional brevity of my entries, I would leap gracefully over my writing resistance hurdle, publishing little Gems for the Journey each and every day, no pain, no sweat.  Because, after all, I love writing and know that I’m an excellent writer.  The day I found my voice again and began publishing this book online was a day of great gratitude and rejoicing for me.  Now I had another cool idea for an easier and briefer blog. This should only multiply my publishing bliss, right?

I just neglected to consider one itsy bitsy teeny weeny HUMONGOUS factor.  MY EGO.  I mentioned at the beginning of this chapter that MY EGO was getting in the way of my publishing with the regularity that my heart desired.  And while this new plan is clever and mechanically sound – it could have produced the desired result – the fact is, it didn’t.  That’s because it didn’t do anything to deal with the very real issue of MY EGO (ok, I’m going to stop the all caps now because it slows my typing, but hear it in caps every time you read it).  Briefer it was.  Easy it was not.

Here are the many ways my ego showed up. First, my best-creative-girlfriend Julia, the partner I was depending on for this escapade, totally let me down.  I’ve read everything she’s ever written.  She has never failed to inspire through any of her works.  And yet, she chose the day after I announced my big decision to publish daily on the new site, to become a lackluster writer.  I’d read her daily entry, and say, “That’s it?  THAT’S IT?  You expect me to inspire them with that? You had to pick now to become a crappy writer?”  (Somewhere I know Julia is laughing along with you and me.) Realizing that it was risky to depend so completely on such an obviously capricious genius, I decided I needed to call on the other inspiring teachers and writers in my life if I was going to get through this.  And that got me through an entry or two.

But over the course of the six entries I published on the new site, I found that while all of my teachers inspired me on a daily basis, I still couldn’t get that feeling out of my head onto the page.  And that my friends is because feelings don’t come out of our heads.  They come from our hearts.  I was reminded of this last week during a session with my own Life Coach (smart coaches have coaches) during which we were discussing my resistance to publishing, which I kept insisting was not a problem (Hah!).  My most excellent Coach Tina Robbins (www.openroadscoaching.com), observed that in the first 45 minutes of our 60-minute session, each time she asked how I felt, I replied, “Intellectually, I think…” Gotcha!

Like Jacob wrestling with the Old Testament Angel, I wrestled with my EGO every night.  And we managed to publish for five nights (checking off that daily box) with some difficulty but no big drama.  It wasn’t proving as easy as I expected, but maybe I just needed time to get used to it.  (Are you counting the number of times I’ve used think, thought or a synonym?  Big clue that I still didn’t have a clue.)

Which brings us Day Six, Thursday, February 10th, 2011. I awoke with many reasons to feel grateful for how my life was unfolding.  Blessings continued to abound.  Synchronicity without measure.  And yet, it was a harbinger of the day’s events that I began with a “pep talk” from the nasty voice in my head (think Glenn Close as Cruella DeVil in the Power in Pinstripes Business suit from the remake of 101 Dalmatians).  “Well, darling, Love and Curiosity is a cute little writing effort.  But it is clearly Blog Lite compared to your other site.  Less taste and less filling.  Less effort, less prose, less inspiring,  just … well … less.  I’ll grant you that, in some cases, maybe less can be more (although I personally find that a lot more is always so much more).  And we both know if you would just buckle down and be a serious business woman again, you could do so much more with your life.  Clients used to pay your consulting firms $750 for an hour of your advice.  I just find it so sad that this pitiful effort is what you’ve come to.”

I have a Disney Cruella DeVil doll dressed in the fabulous Power in Pinstripes suit in my office.  She’s there as a physical reminder of the constant presence of the dark side of my driven, perfectionist, performer personality.  I recognized my arch nemesis (the other me) the moment she opened her mouth (in my head) and told her to shut up and get back in her box.  When she’s really bitchy, I tell her I’ll put her box in the closet and shut the door if she can’t zip it.  Works like a charm.  But remembering that she is really just part of me, I know that even when she doesn’t make a sound, she’s always with me.  It’s no wonder I spent much of my day listening to Pema Chödrön lectures to counteract Cruella’s constant subliminal nagging.

I sat down to write at 10:30pm (it had gotten later every day).  I was fresh off the exhilaration trail of listening to eight hours of Pema lecturing on Buddhism.  She is brilliant, touching and so very real.  Her way of teaching Buddhist practice has helped make those practices core to my life.  I had even made notes during the day to make writing that night a piece of cake.  I had 90 minutes to channel Pema in 300 to 500 words and transmit to all humanity the essence of Buddhism and how Buddhist practice had transformed my life.  Piece of cake – NOT.  Because I will be sharing with you in later chapters the content of all six entries on the short-lived sister site (yes, one of my conclusions is that I should merge the content from that site back into this one and go forward with one integrated site), I won’t tell you everything that happened that night.  I will share that in addition to what you’ll read in that entry, when the frustration level became unbearable, I considered ever more horrifying options, such as just copying and pasting a few cool quotes from another site, declare it a blog, check off the daily box and call it a day. Executed that cheap little solution right up to the step before pushing the “publish” button, when I pulled myself back from the brink in horror.  Next I sat weighing the ethical ramifications of plagiarizing my own writing from this site, pulling a clever paragraph from one of my blogs, pasting it, signing it, calling it a blog, checking the box, going to bed.  No dice on that one either.  At one point I was so enraged with myself that I considered obliterating the five existing entries and launching the site into blog oblivion (no issues with suppressed anger here).  Pulled myself back from the brink on that one as well.  I know that whenever I create this much drama in my life, big stuff is happening.  Stuff I need to pay attention to.  The clock was running down.  I had a little over 60 minutes before not publishing my daily blog daily would reveal me for the sham, the charlatan, the lightweight writer that I really am (so much for confidence in my writing abilities).  All I had to do was convey the poignancy of Pema and the essence of Buddhism in 300 words.  How hard could that be? Turns out it was quite hard if I wanted to use only my head, not my heart, to do it.

I leave the conclusion of that encounter to the actual blog entry.  Because, it turned out to be one of the most real and moving pieces I’ve ever written.  I will close now by sharing the lessons I learned on this latest leg of my adventure:

  • I write this blog book to touch people’s lives.  I believe that sharing my vulnerability and growth can inspire hope and courage for others.
  • I don’t have to publish lengthy chapters to touch lives.  I write from my heart, not from a production schedule based on elapsed time and volume.
  • I am the Distribution Channel not the Manufacturer of my art.  My role is to stay tuned to the Universal Frequency of my Great Creative Source and distribute what I am sent.

I love you all and have missed you.  The next entries will be the six from Love and Curiosity – Gems for the Journey.  Then I’ll bring you up to date on the success of the data recovery.  And then, I hope, the long-awaited remaining chapters in how I lost the 75 pounds (balancing the ten senses).  Unless the Universe has another plan.  Which it often does.  In that case, I will have to go with the Universal Flow.

Be gentle with yourselves, my Dear Sisters and Brothers.  Treat yourself and others with Compassion.  When you have the choice to be right or be kind, always choose kind.  When you approach life with Love and Curiosity, there are endless opportunities for good.   Namaste.

© Copyright 2011 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Creativity & Self-Expression, Force, Flow & Baby Steps, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout, The Power of Sharing Your Story, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Baby, I’m Back!

Posted on January 14, 2011 by djwlifecoach

Yes, I know I have been absent from the online publishing world for over two months.  Yes, I thought of you daily and kept notes for the many chapters I will be sharing soon.  Restructuring my arts business, reworking my professional space, ramping up my life coaching practice, immersing myself in my coach certification program, hosting holiday house guests and handling the various vagaries of life have kept me from the keyboard.  I’ll explain all of that in later chapters. Meanwhile, here’s the life lesson I felt absolutely compelled to share today while it’s still fresh.  Brace yourself, Bridgette!

During the migration of my computer equipment to my wonderful new life coaching office, I lost access to all of the data stored on my 2TB data drive – a lifetime (57 years) of data. Absolutely no backups anywhere else – its own cautionary tale of the potential in life for gross misunderstanding.  All of the intellectual capital from my 30 year consulting career.  All of my financial records, all of my machine embroidery designs, all of my pictures, the autobiography I wrote in the early 90’s.  Everything means EVERYTHING.  The only thing I have access to at the moment  is the current version of my Outlook data – calendar, contacts, tasks and email. For that, I am exceedingly grateful.

Imagine the magnitude of the problem like this.  You own the public library system in your town.  There are four branches.  One day, you lose the entire card catalog system and all of the labels on the shelves.  The little Dewey decimal numbers on all the books are gone too.  The books are still there, but you have no idea how they’re organized or even which branch they’re in.  They are utterly scrambled.  And, to make matters worse, the codes for the security systems that allow you entrance to each of the four branches have also gotten randomly reset but no one knows to what.  So you have to break into all four locations before you can even begin trying to make sense of the books.  While you care about all the content, imagine what you most especially need is in a chapter of just one book, somewhere in one of the branches.  And you need it before next Thursday when your annual state and city sales tax returns for your business are due.

After two days of failed attempts to get to the data with the help of the drive manufacturer, I hired Ximatic Data Engineering (www.ximatic.com) to try to restore as much as they can.  The price, if they succeed, starts at $7500.  No, I didn’t forget the decimal point – that’s seven thousand five hundred dollars.  That’s if all goes well.  They think, given their initial investigation of my drives, that my potential cost should cap out at $8500.  And that’s the good news.

My data drive is an exceedingly complex, highly secure, Buffalo RAID5 drive.  But a simple power failure  – me unplugging it without turning it off – brought all four drive crashing down.  It could have failed during one of the many power outages we get in our community.  But it didn’t.  It failed when I forgot to turn it off before unplugging it and, unbeknownst to me, it was in the middle of re-indexing all the data.  It’s like the head librarian threw all the cards from the catalog up in the air and said, “Oh, whatever!”  While we still don’t know for certain whether Ximatic will be able to recover anything, based on the facts and circumstances we have reason to be hopeful.

Yes, the documentation for the drive does indicate that it should be plugged into an uninterruptable power source (UPS).  But somehow this info never made its way to my brain.  Because, if I’d had any idea how serious unplugging it without powering it down first could be, I would have had a zillion warning signs all over the place.  But the reality is, even a really good UPS would only provide an extra 90 minutes battery power for hardware as draining as mine.  So if you lost power while at the movies, you could still come home to find you and your data were no longer on speaking terms.  And, I see a lot of movies so, it was bound to happen someday.

The good news?  Yes, there is some but probably not what you’d think.  Bruce Schneider, the founder of my iPEC life coaching certification program (www.ipeccoaching.com), says one of the keys to life is believing that there are really no problems or challenges, only opportunities.  My current situation is no exception:  opportunities abound.

Opportunity Number 1:  Whatever happens, I’ll be fine.  Massive data loss is an event I’ve feared my entire life.  Couldn’t imagine how I’d manage.  And, had it happened two or more years ago, I would not be managing well at all.  But thanks to the life lessons I learned over the past two years, I’m staying centered, exercising, eating healthy, meditating, journaling, sleeping peacefully, working on my life coaching certification and practice, relaxing, and gearing up should I have to try to recreate all of the financial data my accountant needs to file this year’s taxes.  Funny thing is, I was expecting to be able to file by April 15th this year instead of needing to file extensions until October.  Now I say, “Hallelujah for extensions!”

Opportunity Number 2:  Control is an illusion at best.  Blame and self loathing are counterproductive.  I messed up.  Others may have contributed.  But even if I had turned it off before unplugging the drive this time, even if I had a UPS in place, I go to a lot of movies and a power failure during a movie could have landed me in the same place.  I will admit to shedding a few tears over this but not very many.  Absolutely no beating myself or blaming anyone else.  It would be downright idiotic to waste any of my precious time and energy in negativity when I need all the positive resources I’ve got to fuel my spirit, brain and body through a potentially complex and tedious set of tasks.  I need all the help from friends I can get.  So mostly I’m focused on moving forward with my life, reminded once again that I am never really in control of anything except how I choose to handle what happens.

Opportunity Number 3:  My compassion for others has broadened and deepened.  Because I have always been paranoid about losing all of my data someday, I have always been absolutely anal retentive about running regular backups.  And keeping a lengthy history of those backups.  All my data, every week, all the way back to the moment I came out of the birth canal.  Last year, when a friend told me she had gotten lax about running backups and as a result had to pay a data recovery firm $1,300 to restore all of her data after a drive crash, I’ll admit feeling just a wee bit smug.  Not backing up your data?  What the heck were you thinking.  Any responsible person backs up their data no matter what else they have going on in life. But the Uncharitable Thought Police are always on alert.  And the moment they catch us feeling superior, they have the Universe send us a reminder memo.  Hence, I encounter a situation where I understand I don’t have to run manual backups because the drives essentially take care of backing each other up automatically (WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG).  Voila!  Deborah’s latest opportunity to replace some arrogance with compassion, further increasing her ability to connect deeply with herself and others.

Opportunity Number 4:  Most things are not life threatening, just inconvenient.  Sometimes INCREDIBLY inconvenient and INCREDIBLY expensive.  But still, at worst, only inconvenient and expensive.  All over the world, people are sick, frightened, starving, tortured and dying.  My data access issue doesn’t even move the needle on the meter.

Opportunity Number 5:  Everything I need is inside of me.  I am enough.  Many years ago, when I was moving from one consulting position to another, I was in a panic over whether I had copies of all my intellectual capital to draw on in my new position.  Because without them, I felt I wouldn’t be able to perform – I’d be worth less.  For weeks before the switch, I’d lay awake at night remembering things I’d forgotten, then run around during the day trying to gather them all up.  Until one night I had a dream – the first in-person encounter I remember having with an Angel.  In perfect King James English (we’re all products of our upbringing) she said, “Do not fret my child.  Everything you need is inside of you.  You are enough.”  This week, whenever I found myself starting to fuss a bit over all I had lost, I remembered all that I have found over the past two years.  Health, energy, grace and gratitude.  Inspiration, deep peace, lasting joy and meaningful relationships.  I found myself.  And that is so much more than enough.

Dear Ones, no matter what trials you face in life, remember that you are more than enough.  Data will come and go.  But you are precious and irreplaceable.

You are loved and loving. You are blessed and a blessing. Namaste. 

© Copyright 2011 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion, Gratitude, Prosperity & Abundance, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Getting to Know You

Posted on October 26, 2010 by djwlifecoach

In Who Ya Gonna Call (10/21/10), I asked you to stay tuned to laugh and cry with me over Life’s Latest Smack Upside My Head.  Some of you may be saying, “It’s been five days.  You’ve published two chapters in the interim and now another one today but we still don’t know what happened?”

Other readers have been annoyed with me for even longer – since The C Word (10/12/10), when I casually mentioned losing 80 pounds last year.  I’m sure you’re saying, “You’ve published seven chapters counting this one.  You lost 80 pounds last year, you’ve kept it off, and you’ve found deeper peace and more lasting joy.  Enough with the peace and joy – how did you lose the weight and keep it off?”

Please hang in there.  I will get to how I lost the weight and all the other stories I promise along the way.  Each chapter tells you more of both – how I lost the weight and how I live each day.  It’s just much more comprehensible (and humane) if I break it into manageable installments.  I’ve found it’s not simple to tell the story of a life, certainly not my life and I suspect not anyone’s life, in a way that is meaningful, complete, comprehensible and engaging.  This experience is giving me much greater appreciation for what it takes.  Using food metaphors, I could serve you a multi-course meal at one sitting that would be so overwhelming you’d experience the reading equivalent of food coma after consuming it.  Not pleasant or kind.  Or I could spend a bit more time analyzing my experiences, break them into component parts and communicate those to you in smaller, healthier, much more digestible mini-meals, each time leaving you just a bit hungry for the next serving.  I’ve opted for the healthy, more frequent, mini-meals and there, my friends is today’s first diet tip.  I know you’ve heard it a zillion times.  You may have even tried it for a day or so but given up before the new behavior had time to become a habit.  I’m here to tell you, it works.  But more on that later,  I promise.

With all these food metaphors flying about, it feels like the right time to introduce the concept of balance – a major weight and life altering discovery. One day last year, I received an insight from the Universal Intelligence (much too profound to have originated with me).  In my role as Perpetual Transmitter, I now pass it on to you.  It went something like this, “Deborah, if you feed all of your senses in a balanced way, you are more likely to live a happy life.  If you neglect to feed one or more of your senses, there’s a greater probability that one of the remaining one’s will try to fill the void and take over your life in an unhealthy way.”

For example, I believe both anorexia (which I suffered at age 19) and obesity (which I suffered at age 50) both have their roots in an unhealthy relationship with food – trying to use food to fill un-food needs.  They also share lots of other commonalities, chief among them for me, an attempt to deal with the anxiety of uncertainty – yes, a misguided attempt to gain a sense of CONTROL over a life wildly spinning out of control (you had to know that baby would come up again).  And while anorexia – starvation – looks more like control than overeating, they were both about control for me and I suspect are for many.

Feeding my senses in a balanced way means not just the standard five senses of sight, touch, sound, smell and taste, but also my higher five senses of spirituality, creativity, purpose, physical flow and connection.  Paying attention, being hyper aware, of how I am feeding all of my senses – content and frequency – and whether each is being healthily sustained, starved or smothered.

What might that look like specifically? In the time we have left today, let’s explore the sense of sight – the satisfaction supplied by your visual environments.  Surround yourself with colors, patterns, objects that please your eye in your home and at work.  Do you prefer variety or consistency?  As an artist, I love every color in every shade imaginable.  I use all of them in my art and my environments, but my favorite colors are purple, orange and green.  It’s downright funny how often they end up in my art, in my living space and on my body, without any conscious intention.  In fact, even when I try to exclude them in a design, they sneak in no matter what.  They feed my soul.  Together, in combination.  I do light hues in spring and bright hues in summer and dusty hues in Fall and darker hues in winter, but they are always present.  They comfort and delight me, providing a needed sense of consistency.

I also love cats.  I live with three  – Sid, Morty & Maisy.  Okay, I live in their house, they let me sleep in their king size bed and eat in their kitchen.  They are all ragdoll mixes (yes it’s an actual breed, unbelievably affectionate).  We’re crazy about each other.  Sid holds my hand or plants his big head on top of it when I write or type – seriously.  It makes the progress slower, but the experience richer.  So every time you’re reading one of my chapters, realize that Sid had a hand – or paw or head – in each and every one.  Morty’s my empath.  He always knows when I’m crying and he plants his body on my lap, rubbing his face on my face and won’t stop until I stop crying.  He doesn’t rush me.  He doesn’t say anything.  He just stays there with me,  literally drying my tears.  The perfect model for how best to be with someone who’s grieving.  Don’t do or say anything.  Just be fully present.  And Maisy, well she’s all about satisfying her sense of touch.  She’ll snuggle with anyone, anywhere for any length of time.  I know in the human world that might earn her an unkind label (easy, slut, tramp, ho) but she’s my daughter so I just call her loving and you’d best too.  DEBORAH, YOU’RE DRIFTING.  ENOUGH WITH THE CAT STORIES.  BACK TO SENSE OF SIGHT.

Sorry about that.  Anyway, I love cats and living with three is not enough.  To avoid becoming the weird old lady living alone in one room with 50 cats, I find other ways to include them in my life.  Pictures, quilts, vases, dishes, jewelry, whatever.  And I love the symbolism of butterflies – patience and hope for the fertile possibilities of life transformation during incubation in a dark void.  So they are sprinkled liberally throughout my life.  And books, I love books too.  The power of human thought shared.  I love to see them in my space and be reminded that, even when I sit alone writing, I am not alone.  I am surrounded by everyone who ever had an idea or experience and felt compelled to share it with someone else for the benefit of writer and reader.

Don’t get hung up on my colors and my choices – the point is to figure out your own purple/green/orange and cats/butterflies/books.  There are books on standard reactions to colors (blue is soothing, yellow is cheerful, red is energizing/irritating, black is depressing, etc.).  But I’m not interested in standard reactions.  What matters here is your  reaction.  Some people find being surrounded by their favorite colors the most soothing and stimulating environment.  So if you’re one of them and you love red, have at it.  Experiment with it a bit and determine the optimal amount of red and other favorites in your world.  Maybe you’ll want all your red in the den or your office, but want blue in your bedroom.  Or blue and yellow because you want to be soothed at night and cheered in the morning.

Remember that clothing is your portable environment.  As a fashion artist, I’m especially attuned to it.  But I think it has an impact on all of us.  It’s the house we wear on our body and carry around all day.  So try starting each day by consciously picking clothing that expresses who you are so that you feel comfortable and centered.  While I’ve started by tackling one sense at a time, you can quickly see how interrelated they are.  For example, clothing should be considered under both sight and touch.

Provide a pleasing visual meal in each room of your house (yes, even the bathroom – we spend substantial time there too). Pay attention to portion control, avoiding the visual version of gluttony by overwhelming your senses with too much stimulation and thereby numbing them.  Go for healthy digestible meals that leave you hungry an hour later for more visual stimulation outside your home and work location.  Include regular outings to places that augment your visual diet with special snacks – botanical gardens, galleries, the mountains, book stores, pet shops, the ocean, fabric shops, art supply stores, whatever delights you personally.

We’ll discuss the other senses in more detail soon.  Meanwhile, keep getting to know yourself better and find a healthier balance.  You’re worth the effort.

You are loved and loving.  You are blessed and a blessing.  Namaste.

© Copyright 2010 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Force, Flow & Baby Steps, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged , | 2 Comments

The Gift

Posted on October 24, 2010 by djwlifecoach

Here is the essence of what I have learned from my 56.5 years on this earth.  The nugget.  The kernel.  The gem.  The only hope for finding peace in this life – not comfort, but deep abiding peace – is to be insatiably, fearlessly curious about myself.

Not just the attractive parts – my kindness, compassion, wisdom, generosity and humor.  It is important for me to acknowledge the good things, but not enough.  I need to be endlessly inquisitive about all of it, especially the unattractive parts – my insensitivity, impatience, obsession, bitterness, anger, anxiety and despair.  I have grown the most – found deep abiding peace – only by embracing the ugly parts of myself as well – appalling thoughts, speech and behavior.   It all matters, must all be considered in the mix – good, bad, pretty, ugly.  All courageously, compassionately, lovingly blended to represent the entire package that is me.  This is what it means to be human.

We are all capable of the full range of human motivations and behaviors – none of us are exempt.  Refusing to see any part of it, lulling myself into oblivion by clinging to an incomplete, distorted Pollyanna self-image, has always been my undoing.  The greater and deeper the denial, the longer and harder the fall.  Because that which is denied will wreak havoc.  Maybe not today or tomorrow.  But the longer we look without seeing, the longer we hear without listening, the more we stand to lose.

The great irony is that the only person fooled when I deny the full truth of who I am is me.  The world already knows all of it.  I broadcast it 24/7.  Through what I say and when I am silent.  Through the actions I take and the times I fail to act.  Through what I cherish and what I reject.  Through what I long for and what I fear.  I am the only one kept in the dark by living a life of denial.

The greatest gift I can give anyone is having the honesty and courage to see and share myself fully so that we both might benefit.  From our shared insight, compassion and good humor.  Failures, resilience, victories.  We are here to help each other grow by sharing without reservation the only thing we have to give – our hearts.

Dear Ones, Know that you are loved and loving, blessed and a blessing. Every day, whatever you do or leave undone, say or leave unsaid. Every part of every one of you is precious and essential to all of us.
Give without reservation.  Namaste.

© Copyright 2010 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Authenticity & Purpose, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Brief Message From Our Sponsor

Posted on October 22, 2010 by djwlifecoach

I hadn’t planned to write another chapter today when I just posted yesterday.  I learned, early in my experience as Channel for Da Blog, never to force the writing on some arbitrary-look-aren’t-I-prolific-timetable originated by my ego.  (See 10/12/10 posting The C Word.)  Inspiring author Julia Cameron advises repeatedly in her books on the creative life (The Artist’s Way, et al) that our ego should never be allowed to vote on anything we do – not if, what, how, when, how much – and most especially NOT on how effective we are at doing it.  Julia believes we are all fundamentally creative beings, whether or not we self-identify as Artists with a capital A.  We need creative outlets in our life like we need oxygen, water and food.  Next time you’re cranky or restless for no apparent reason, ask yourself the last time you did something that felt creative.  If it’s more than 24 hours ago, there’s a good chance that’s your problem.

The best way to get our egos out of the way and relieve the pressure is to stop thinking of ourselves as the author or originator of anything.  We are merely the broadcast mechanism for messages and inspiration from the Universe.  Whatever our venue – poetry, tax returns, oil painting, consumer protection, architecture, legislature, art quilts, child rearing, carpentry, musical composition, congressional oversight, kindergarten teaching, marketing, singing – we don’t create anything in isolation. We are co-creators. Our primary responsibility is to stay tuned to the right frequency; be conscious of the inspiration and life lessons we are sent; remain courageous about sharing them; and do it with humility, compassion, a sense of humor and a dash of rigor.  Your life well lived is your greatest work of art.  It will feed your soul and the souls of everyone who comes in contact with you.

I’ve also learned that, when the Muse shows up with something important to say, DO NOT IGNORE HER.  Do not tell Her you just published yesterday and hadn’t planned to write again today. Do not tell Her you had other priorities on your to-do list for today that you put off yesterday in response to Her siren call.  Instead, respect Her wisdom on timing and topic, thank Her for considering you a worthy Broadcast Mechanism and just do it.  Don’t be especially wedded to what you thought She wanted you to communicate.  Stay in receptive mode as you go, because She may take you down a bend in the road to a totally different destination than you intended.  Trust Her, She knows what She’s doing.  Today’s mini-message is a case in point.  I thought She wanted me to write the sequel to yesterday’s blog.  And She did, it just wasn’t the sequel I had in mind.

Yesterday, we left our Heroine (me) hanging by her fingertips from the newest cliff of her own making.  She can dangle there a bit longer.  She’s got lots of experience.  I promise we’ll rejoin her soon for the enlightening and entertaining conclusion to her latest adventure in Choose Your Energy—Change Your Life!

Meanwhile, when was the last time you fed your creative inner child?  Do something fun – borrow your kids’ crayons, scribble a poem, organize your closet, paint a mural on your wall, sing a song, dance a jig, hit a bucket of golf balls, stick glitter stars on your ceiling, clean out your junk drawer, paint your toenails purple.  Or just lie on the grass and dream as you watch the clouds go by.  It’s okay.  It’s all art.  It’s why we’re all here.

     You are loved and loving.
          You are blessed and a blessing.
Namaste, Happy Artists.

© Copyright 2010 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Creativity & Self-Expression, Faith, Hope & Spirituality, The Power of Sharing Your Story, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Posted on October 21, 2010 by djwlifecoach

If any of you are still harboring the illusion that those of us in the “helping professions” are able to help others because we are totally self-actualized, always have it all together, never get sad or angry or frustrated or confused, never sink into bottomless despair, then you need to reread my previous entries.

I’m convinced that those of us in the helping professions can only help others to the extent we have grappled with similar challenges in our own lives, been overwhelmed by the associated pain (rage, frustration, confusion, doubt, anxiety, depression, etc.), not prevailed immediately (flopped around in the mire of hopelessness more than a few times for more than a few minutes), and then, when it seemed all was lost and the only release from the pain was ending it all, had amazing Grace dawn yet again.

In the past year, I have come to understand that, in many cases, when I think I’m demonstrating empathy for someone, it’s really sympathy.  When I demonstrate EMPATHY, I feel sorry WITH the other person.  My ability to put myself in their place is directly proportional to my ability to feel and identify the full range of my own emotions.  With SYMPATHY, because I’m not aware of having ever felt anything like what they are feeling, the most I can do is feel sorry FOR them.  Sorry they had to go through whatever life trial was currently beating them face first into the dirt. Sometimes in the throes of sympathy, when I was feeling a bit too smug about my own more highly evolved consciousness (come on, you’ve all been THERE), I would say to myself (or heaven help me, out loud), “Gee, it’s a shame Susie doesn’t know all that I know. Then she wouldn’t still be grieving her husband’s death or abandonment by her 17-year life partner or potential loss of her home or death of her beloved animal companion or promotion she didn’t get at work or whatever.  If Susie were as wise as I am, it wouldn’t have hit her so hard to begin with, she’d certainly be over it by now and be returned to the Perpetually Happy Fold of the Incredibly Enlightened.”

There’s a reason Buddhist Life Coach Pema Chödrön warns against becoming too comfortable with how well we are doing on the path to enlightenment.  Because the point of enlightenment is not to become superior and feel no pain.  It’s to open your heart wider and wider to your own pain and, through that experience, to the pain of others.  It’s to help you develop deeper love and true empathy for yourself and everyone else.  It’s so you can finally connect to all of humankind on the most profound level by understanding we are all fundamentally the same.  We are all Just Human.  Pema’s writing is so accessible because, Baby, she’s been there.  Maybe as recently as yesterday.  And she knows she’ll be there again.  Maybe as soon as tomorrow. Or even today.

Those of us in the helping professions are so often referred to as Wounded Healers because we are all wounded, especially those of us who dedicate our lives to helping others heal and grow. The most inspiring healers and teachers, certainly the ones nearest and dearest to me, let it all hang out.  They share openly how deeply wounded they are (addiction, depression, you name it).  By sharing every last gory detail of their struggles, defeats and victories, we mere mortals can open ourselves to the possibility that, if they could prevail on many days, maybe there’s hope for us to prevail as well.  In the movie Leap of Faith, Liam Neeson (the local Sheriff) is exposing Steve Martin (traveling revival showman extraordinaire) as a fraud – with criminal behavior and jail from a young age.  Neeson thinks this disqualifies Martin to lead others to a better life.  Martin replies, au contraire.  Herein lies his chief qualification.  Who are you going to trust to lead you out of the mess you’ve made of your life?  The upright guy who’s always walked the straight and narrow, or the man who found redemption after wallowing in the muck and mire?

The one thing we can be certain of, in addition to death and taxes, is that, no matter what, we are all Just Human.  Whenever we start to forget that, start to get just the least bit clueless or cocky, Life has a not so funny way of reminding us –  through yet another spectacular crash and burn – that we still have much left to learn.  Which leads directly to my next posting.  Stay tuned to laugh and cry with me over Life’s Latest Smack Upside My Head.  If you’d like to be notified when new postings are available, just enter your email address in the subscription spot on the menu above and to the right.

Dear Friends, may you be just fine with being  just human, just here, just now. You are loved and loving. You are blessed and a blessing.
Namaste.

© Copyright 2010 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Authenticity & Purpose, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Authenticity is the Only Path

Posted on October 13, 2010 by djwlifecoach

I write this blog with an open heart not because I think I cannot be hurt – that no one may target me for cruelty.  It is rather that I cannot let the possibility of pain stop me.  I can no longer let the cruelty I’ve suffered – and will most certainly suffer again – keep me cowering and silent in the dark.  I must live and speak from love with authenticity, for how can I hope to share that path with others if I don’t have the courage to follow it myself.

 I am encouraged by Anaïs Nin who wrote:

It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before, to test your limits, to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

 And by Dawna Markova who declared:

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

And by Marianne Williamson whose inspiring poem Nelson Mandela made famous in his 1994 Inauguration Speech:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

To Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s invitation, I reply, “Yes, with Grace, it is my intention to live this way each moment of every day for the rest of my life”: 

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

When the cruelty comes, may my handling of  it and all of life’s challenges – a range of responses both graceful and deeply flawed – only provide additional opportunities for me to share openly to help others.  Because in a life fully lived we will encounter love and cruelty, pain and joy, hope and despair, victory and defeat.  All that matters is what we choose to make of it.  And I choose love, compassion and authenticity.

Fellow Travelers, may you speak from your heart, stand in the face of adversity and love yourself even when you are able to do neither.  For we are, after all, only human.
And that is more than enough.

You are loved and loving.  You are blessed and a blessing.  Namaste.

© Copyright 2010 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Authenticity & Purpose, Creativity & Self-Expression, Falling in Love With Yourself, Force, Flow & Baby Steps, Love, Fear & Gremlins, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout, The Power of Sharing Your Story, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The C Word

Posted on October 12, 2010 by djwlifecoach

So last Saturday morning, high on the thrill of having launched my Online Journal (aka Da Blog) on the spur of the moment with no exhaustive plan (not my norm), I decided my plan going forward would be to write a new installment every day.  Now that’s more like the overachieving-pain-in-the-tukus Deborah my friends and family know and tolerate.  Let’s take a wonderful, spontaneous event and turn it into an obligation.  Let’s suck every last ounce of fun out of that puppy and make it a burden.  Because heaven knows, Deborah doesn’t deserve to have fun.  I mean, what would happen to the Universe if Deborah didn’t have both hands on the steering wheel of Life keeping everything orderly and everyone safe?  I kid you not when I admit I had to use a Thesaurus to find a word that means unplanned or unrehearsed (duh, spontaneous) for the introduction to this piece.  I knew there must be a word like that and it kept flitting hither and yon in my head, but for the life of me I couldn’t grab onto it.  Maybe it’s because I demonstrate it so seldom that we are nearly strangers.

And why is it that spontaneity and I are such distant cousins?  Because everyone knows that Perfection (the P word) is the only worthy goal in life and that Perfection comes from planning, copious planning, nauseatingly exhaustive planning.  Because planning controls destiny and that’s how everyone stays safe, right?  NOT!  Control (the C word) is an illusion at best, and no amount of planning really controls anything.  It organizes things and sometimes reduces the number of surprises, or the surprisiness of the surprises, but I firmly believe we do not make anything happen.  If something is meant to be, it will be no matter how you try to block it.  And if it’s not meant to be, no amount of planning or remaking yourself into what you think the situation requires will make it happen.  It will just tie you up in knots and make you and everyone you know CUH-RAY-ZEE!  Witness the final eight years of my consulting career.  But that’s a story for another day.

Lest you accuse me of advocating irresponsibility and sloth, I do think it’s useful to plan.  It’s just important for us to realize that Life may not be in alignment with our plans.  And if that turns out to be so, the sooner we recognize it and get ourselves in alignment with Life’s quirky, capricious, unpredictable Plan, the happier we’ll all be.  If the events of the past 56 years have taught me anything it’s that, despite my intelligence, intuition and demonstrated anal retentive control freak planning skills, I sometimes don’t have a clue what’s best for me or anyone else.  Thanks be to Life who intervenes, despite my best efforts to the contrary, and forces Its plan on me whether I’m ready or not.

So back to my “plan” for Da Blog.  Saturday I published two installments.  Sunday I got busy with other things and missed a day.  No problem, with two on Saturday, I was still on plan, I told myself, “averaging” one a day.  Then Monday (yesterday) dawned bright and cheery.  My “plan” for my day went like this:  I’ll have breakfast, do my written meditation, write for the rest of the morning, have lunch, go to the gym, then study in the afternoon, have dinner and create art in the evening (tired yet?).

But it went nothing like that.  I got up, made the mistake of looking at my email and then answered emails, paid bills, filed papers, ate a miniscule breakfast on the run, went to the gym, was exhausted when I finished because I had consumed insufficient calories to fuel my workout, went home, made a huge healthy raw veggie salad for lunch with 2 ounces of protein and an apple, then proceeded not to eat most of it because I decided to catch up on my sewing work – I’m a tester for an independent machine embroidery designer and I’d fallen behind the week before working on that 33-page Life Review for my life coaching certification.  Two new sewing clients showed up at 1pm (I had neglected to account for their planned visit in my plan for the day), stayed an hour looking at designs, chatting and playing with my youngest cat, Maisy (putting me even further behind, how dare they have fun on my watch).  I then sewed until 9:30pm – managing to multi-task by planning a seven-part series for Da Blog on how I lost all the weight last year and refining my notes for my next 23-page paper for life coaching.  At which time I realized I had consumed a total of 480 calories to fuel me during the first 15.5 hours of my day (NOT how I lost the 75 pounds last year and NOT my recommended diet).  Then, because I’d promised myself and everyone who cares about me that I absolutely would not become anorexic like I did at age 19, I had to try to consume 1500 more calories (I managed 1000) before bed.  It’s not an ideal way to balance daily caloric intake, but if some days I have to pack most of them into the final waking hour of the day then, by Zeus, I do it.  Because anorexia is no joke.

Whenever people imply I have issues with control, I object.  I have no issues with control.  I LOVE IT!  Unfortunately, it doesn’t love me back.  It’s not even my friend.  Most of the time it laughs behind my back, sometimes it has the audacity to laugh right in my face.  So how does all of this fit in with the opening of today’s story?  Given that Monday was a day when Life and Control conspired to laugh at my plan behind my back, I did not manage to publish Da Blog dat day.  Tuesday morning dawned cold and dreary – no kidding it was raining and 40 degrees here in Colorado, a state that boasts 300 sunny days a year and no humidity.  I started the day by smacking myself around and insisting that today I would be much more disciplined (a synonym for the C word – isn’t it interesting that I know so many synonyms for the C word but so few for spontaneous?).  Clearly I still didn’t get it.  So Life and Control had to team up yet again, filling my morning with things that needed to be done other than writing blogs.  I did have a few moments of enjoyment finalizing the materials order for a new art medium I’m getting ready to teach but otherwise, I had no fun, I swear – like that would be a Capital Crime.  Life and Control tag teamed me all morning.  Six hours whizzed by, minimal breakfast again and I headed for lunch more than a little shaky realizing I hadn’t written anything for Da Blog.  Did some meditative breathing which got rid of the symptoms but did nothing about the root cause.  So I said, fine, I’ll just be a Slacker again today, not write anything for Da Blog and only work on my life coaching paper for the rest of the day.  Maybe I could finish it in one day and then…..well you get the picture.

Unfortunately, I still wasn’t getting the picture.  There I was, driving to lunch, having given up my old plan and working hard on my new plan when, in a moment of Grace, it hit me.  What if my plan was the problem – or more precisely, what if I was the problem?   What if this was how I gave myself ulcers and anorexia by age 19?  What if this was how I became obese, burned out and depressed at age 50?  What if my friend is right -that, it wouldn’t matter where we worked?  If we were stocking shelves in Kmart, we’d have to be the best darn shelf stockers Kmart had ever seen.  What if, my dear friends, wherever we go, there we are?

And, finally, I got it.  I remembered what I knew in my soul – that the world and I will be best served if I publish when I have something meaningful to say, not when I’m supposed to have something to say.  That if my goal is to touch your hearts and save you some agony by sharing with you the often painful lessons I’m learning about how to have deeper peace, longer lasting joy and more meaningful relationships in my life, maybe the best way to do that is to stick to my end of the bargain – pay attention to what’s happening to me, figure out what it means and pass the message on.

Funny thing, just like that, I was ready to write my next installment.  There I sat in a restaurant, without a plan, frantically scratching notes on napkins and scraps of paper so I could hold onto all of this until I could get back to my laptop to share it with you.

So, my Fellow Travelers, I propose a much-needed holiday from all our planning.  A day when we just go with the flow, drink a leisurely cappuccino or cup of tea, read the paper, play with the kids, pet the cat and explore the possibilities.  Because anything is possible.

 You are loved and loving. You are blessed and a blessing.
Namaste, Gentle Ones.

© Copyright 2010 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Authenticity & Purpose, Creativity & Self-Expression, Falling in Love With Yourself, Force, Flow & Baby Steps, Love, Fear & Gremlins, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout, The Power of Sharing Your Story, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Silly Little Grasshopper, That Rowboat’s for You!

Posted on October 9, 2010 by djwlifecoach

Yes, this is my second blog in two hours.  All the zeal of the newly converted.  But I promise it will be worth your time.

First, a word about my history with blogs.  I don’t do blogs.  Don’t host them, contribute to them, read them – heck, I don’t even subscribe.  Forgive my arrogance (this Little Grasshopper has been humbled yet again by Life), but I saw bloggers as two types of people:

  1. Self-absorbed egomaniacs who feel compelled to force themselves on the rest of the world.
  2. Pitiful, shy people who only feel safe interacting with humankind anonymously.

I, of course, didn’t see myself in either of those groups.   In addition, I had two other problems with blogs:

  1. Some people write nasty, vile comments in response to blogs.  I didn’t want to help propagate any more intolerance and unkindness in the world.  We already get plenty from talk radio and political tv.  (Little Grasshopper, some people write incredibly kind, inspiring comments too.)
  2. I’m busy and don’t have time to author or manage one more thing than I’m already handling.  (You are busy, but it is all about being committed to your life purpose and the priorities necessary to achieving that, Little Grasshopper.)

Yet, despite my brilliant arguments against blogging or at least against me blogging, my friend and marketing professional, Barbara Kay Escher, persisted in her efforts to help me get over the hurdle.  She kept saying, “I know you, once you do it, you’re gonna love it.”  It’s true, she does know me.  She knows me well.  But she didn’t know the real block (and neither did I) until I started to cry when she told me I’d love it.  (Ah, Little Grasshopper, classic indicator you’re “in the Hood” of a Big Life Lesson.)  So I began to understand this wasn’t a mind problem, it was a heart problem.  One day, deep into a Barbara-blog debate, I went inside (core life skill #1), tapped into my tender, wounded heart once again, and started sobbing, “I’m afraid.  I’m afraid.  I’m afraid.”  And there, my friends, is the crux of the matter.  There, my friends is the crux of most of the pain and frustration we create for ourselves in our lives (core life skill #2).  The most insulting four letter f-word I know:  FEAR.

I wasn’t afraid of helping people spew vile stuff at the Universe.  I was afraid I would break again if they spewed it at me.  And, thanks to my stepson being grown and out of the house and my husband’s long-term out-of-town work assignment from which he only gets home a few days every three to four months, not to mention a lifetime of abuse at the hands of other wounded people, I am one of those frightened people living alone who isn’t interacting with humanity nearly as much as she once did.  ‘Cause what Life and Carol King taught me is that people are dangerous, “They’ll hurt you.  They’ll desert you.  They’ll take your soul if you let them.  So, don’t you let them.”  Persistent Barbara suggested the answer to my dilemma was to start with a private-by-invitation-only blog of my nearest and dearest.  Little Grasshopper stopped crying, but wasn’t quite ready.

Meanwhile, for the past six months, I’ve been struggling to start writing a book about what I’ve learned on my 56.5 year transformative Journey with the belief that there may be insight and encouragement there for others trying to build a life with deep peace,  lasting joy and meaningful relationships. But after a lifetime of journaling from the age of eight and a successful consulting career chock full of writing, I had become afraid of that too.  Barbara adds to her persuasions that a blog could be a great and painless way to get the darn book written.  I saw Julie and Julia, I get that.   Still, not quite ready.

Then a month ago, having told my husband the day before that I didn’t know how I was going to fulfill my life calling of being a wounded healer to a wounded world, but that it wouldn’t involve taking tests or being judged by anyone (poor wounded Little Grasshopper), I wake up feeling called to Google life coaching certification programs.  And smack dab at the top position of the ever rotating list of sponsored Google sites (it’s never come up in that position for me again) is iPEC, the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (www.iPECcoaching.com). Over the next two days, I did some research, talked with their Director of Admissions, paid my eight grand, and signed up for a nine month life coaching certification program that makes boot camp look like a stroll in the park (no sissies here).  Writing my first paper – a 33-page review of every minute in my entire life – was sheer, unadulterated TERROR.  All the while, Barbara just kept yammering on about blogs.

So what happened?  Someone loved me enough to keep pushing me outside my comfort zone.  And, in a moment of Grace this morning, when I finally stopped resisting and opened my wounded heart once again to one of the endless opportunities life offers us (no problems, no challenges, just opportunities – core life skill #3), I fell in love.  Now I know how I’m gonna get that book written – one blog at a time – Baby Steps.

There’s an old joke about a man in a flood who prays to God to save him.  A rowboat passes by, but the man won’t take it, he says he’s waiting for God to save him.  A speedboat, same response.  Finally a helicopter, no dice.  Of course, the fool finally drowns.  When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, he tells Saint Peter he wants an audience with God right away because he has a big time bone to pick with him.  Saint Peter obliges and seconds later the man stands before God.  He rants, he raves, he accuses God of abandoning him.  “I prayed for you to save me and you did nothing.  You call yourself God?”  With gentle forbearance, a touch of irritation and a wry smile God replies, “Fred, who do you think sent the rowboat, the speedboat and the helicopter.”

We ask for the things we want in our lives and then we fight them because we’re frightened and help doesn’t arrive in the precise form we had in mind.  Silly Little Grasshopper, that blog is your rowboat to writing your book, touching lives and loving every minute of it.

Are there rowboats in your life right now just waiting for you to get on board?  Go find them.  Open your heart and receive Universal Bounty.

Time for this Little Grasshopper to get a shower, get some lunch and go to the gym.
You are loved and loving.  You are blessed and a blessing. May you be blessed with many rowboats and the courage to take them.
Namaste, Fellow Grasshoppers.

© Copyright 2010 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Authenticity & Purpose, Creativity & Self-Expression, Gratitude, Prosperity & Abundance, Love, Fear & Gremlins, The Power of Sharing Your Story, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments