Declare Your Independence from Limitation and Lack

Don't Look BackToo many of us limit ourselves by perceiving our past circumstances and experiences as the ultimate predictors of our future success.

Maybe you believe, because you didn’t get a formal education, you aren’t smart enough to excel. Or because your family didn’t have money when you were growing up, you’ll never be prosperous. Or because you got fired from your most recent job, you’ll never again sustain steady, lucrative employment. Or because you went through a divorce (or two), all of your romantic relationships are doomed.

Truth is, everything’s an opportunity. It’s never too late to build the life you dream of. One filled with deep peace, lasting joy, meaningful relationships, fulfillment and prosperity. Consider media magnate Oprah Winfrey, billionaire Andrew Carnegie and blockbuster author JK Rowling.  All of them came from humble beginnings. Instead of seeing their past as a limiting factor, they kept their focus on the road—and possibilities—ahead.

Not only does your past not limit your future, personal attributes considered by the world to be disadvantages can become your most valuable assets and the keys to unimaginable success. Peter Mark Roget is a case in point. While at the age of 61, he was already a respected British physician, lecturer and inventor, like many of his family members, he also suffered from what the world calls “mental illness.”

While, in comparison to his other family members, Roget was considered by many to be “the sane one,” they also labeled him as odd and difficult. Even he described himself as judgmental, humorless, obsessive and paranoid. He counted his steps and was fixated on cleanliness. His favorite hobby—one he first discovered as anxiety soothing in childhood—was making lists.

And so, when he retired from medicine, Roget did what so many retirees do. He dedicated his days to doing what brought him peace and joy by pursuing his favorite hobby with abandon. He spent all day, every day, working on one huge, all-encompassing list of EVERY WORD EVER USED FOR ANYTHING.

Yes, it sounds a little wacky when described like that. But, twelve years later, at age 73, Peter Mark Roget published his giant list of words as a book, the legendary Roget’s Thesaurus of English Words and Phrases. It was an instant and lasting success, becoming the serious writer’s go to reference for synonyms and antonyms. By allowing himself to embrace and celebrate personality traits the world labeled as “defects,” Roget birthed one of the most renowned and powerful resources ever created.

Your past and your personal attributes don’t limit your future; they give you the wisdom and strength to shape it.  You can’t get where you want to go by looking in your rearview mirror. To move forward you must look forward, discern your desired destination, invest yourself fully, focus and follow through.

There is a long road of limitless possibilities awaiting you. When you fuel yourself with unconditional love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude, you build a fulfilling life filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy. You get there, one baby step at a time.

Declare you independence from limitation and lack. The formula is simple: baby step, gratitude, celebrate, repeat.

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© Copyright 2014 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Authenticity & Purpose, Creativity & Self-Expression, Force, Flow & Baby Steps | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Here’s Looking at You, Kid!

Accept YourselfEver get discouraged and feel like you just can’t count on others? You’re not alone. It’s very common for us to look outside ourselves for approval, acceptance and love. It’s equally common to discover that what we seek can’t be found outside ourselves. What we are seeking is only found by looking within.

It all starts with you—your relationship with yourself. When you are an unconditionally loving and affirming friend to yourself—NO MATTER WHAT—you foster strong self-esteem. External validation is nice to receive, but it can’t be depended on and often doesn’t last.

The only thing you can control in this life is your response to it. However you may be choosing to show up at the moment—calm as the proverbial cucumber or in the grips of a grand mal emotional meltdown—bolster your self-esteem by always responding to yourself with unconditional love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude.

Here are three simple practices to increase your flow of self-love:

  1. What are you good at? Look yourself in the mirror each morning and tell yourself, OUT LOUD, one thing that makes you distinctly and delightfully who you are. Then affirm and acknowledge your uniqueness with unconditional love and total acceptance. Whatever your circumstances, you are a unique cocreative expression of the Divine. How could that ever not be enough!
  2. Cut yourself a break! Nobody’s perfect—and that’s the good news. The next time things don’t go exactly as you’d planned, instead of beating yourself upside the head with what a mess you always make of things, take a deep breath, give yourself some grace, forgive all involved, appreciate what you’ve learned, detach and move on. Remember, in each moment, Universal love is unfolding the highest good for all, in all, through all. Everything that’s happening, no matter how painful or frustrating it feels, carries within it the seeds of opportunity. Look for the silver lining and leverage the heck out of it!
  3. Ban negative talk. That starts with how you talk to yourself and extends out to how you allow others to talk to you.  Avoid people who are unkind, ungrateful, critical or unsupportive.  Surround yourself with people who love, support and affirm you. You deserve to be appreciated as the delightful expression of the Divine that you are, warts and all.

Strong self-esteem is grounded in acknowledging, affirming and accepting ALL of yourself, even the attributes that frustrate you and everyone who knows you. When you practice accepting yourself, the world will take note and follow your lead. When you commit to always nurturing, encouraging and delighting yourself in healthy ways, you help others do so as well. In this way, you become the change you wish to see in your world.

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Posted in All My Blog Posts, Falling in Love With Yourself, Relationships, Boundaries & Belonging | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Nurture of Nature

The Nurture of NatureDo you ever make yourself crazy with non-stop hustle and bustle? Too many rounds on the hamster wheel with no break?

Between consuming the media, meeting daily deadlines and managing a life filled with concrete, cars and creditors, it’s amazing that any of us stay sane.

Every day we’re met with a barrage of stimuli that can encourage us to become edgy and worry about situations over which we have little control. The only thing we can control in life is our chosen response to it. So, the next time you’re feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, instead of screaming or silently fuming, try this instead: get off that hamster wheel, turn off your technology and IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE NURTURE OF NATURE. 

Re-ground yourself by taking off your shoes and socks and connecting your feet directly to earth, grass, sand or water. Take a walk in the woods, by the ocean or along a stream. Be fully present here and now. Exercise mindfulness to restore a sense of peace. Appreciate the strength of a tree or the majesty of the mountains and let their beauty overtake you. Lie back in the grass and look up at the sky. Enjoy the movement of clouds across a vast expanse of brilliant blue. Or gaze at the billions of stars twinkling against the black of night.

Nature is a miracle of organic synergy and interdependence. Flowers don’t need alarm clocks to tell them when to bloom. Birds don’t need a recording studio to sing. Everything works in harmony, exactly as it’s supposed to.

Taking a break outside relaxes your body, refreshes your mind, feeds your heart and soothes your soul. As you pause to reflect, reconnect and renew, you remember that you, too, are an essential part of this natural wonder. 

What can you do today to embrace nature and relax into your rightful place in the perfect, natural order of things?

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© Copyright 2014 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Joy & Vitality, Mindfulness, Meditation & Peace, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Only You

r2g-p1-ai11-FlowersHands-webWe sometimes think we can’t make an impact unless we have a lot of influence or money. And so we put off doing anything–even the smallest act—because we think it can’t possibly make a difference unless it’s big.

In those moments we forget that every action matters, no matter how small. In fact, it’s often the seemingly tiny contributions that change others’ lives in the most dramatic ways.

Taking care of our families, coaching the youth soccer team, coordinating the bake sale for school or running our small business, we are constantly presented with the opportunity to do good for others.

When we bury ourselves in busy-ness, we never notice how much these simple acts of service really do matter. Or we downplay the influence we have on others. Instead of seeing all the ways we make a difference, we say “oh, it was nothing,” and we believe it.

In truth, there are many wonderful things that can only be done by you. You are the one we’ve been waiting for.

What good can you do for someone else today? It doesn’t have to make the news in order to be life changing. And it doesn’t have to be life changing for it to matter. Every kind word, every act of service, every demonstration of love matters to the person on the receiving end. Don’t miss your opportunity to brighten our day. We need you.

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True Prosperity

r2g-p1-ai10-Plant-and-Money-webSometimes, success can be lonely. Just read the biography of any business baron who died rich and friendless.

Indeed, there is a difference between achieving success in a selfish effort to serve oneself and achieving success while dedicated to the service of others.

True success and value come when we take our eyes off ourselves and focus on the benefit of others.

Think about the people you know who enrich the lives of those around them. Maybe you’re one of them. More times than not, they are looking outward, considering how they can meet the needs of others and make an impact on their world.

How can you help? How can you improve things for others? How can you change the world for better?

Zig Ziglar said, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.”

When you are driven by your values, you seek to leave the world a better place than when you found it. Kinder, healthier, safer, happier. It’s not about selflessness or martyrdom, it’s about impact. Real wealth is not just about the bottom line. It’s about lasting value and meaning.

When you strive to serve as you achieve, you enrich yourself and every being and situation you encounter.

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Posted in All My Blog Posts, Gratitude, Prosperity & Abundance | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Success is a Journey, Not a Destination

r2g-p1-ai6-Yoga-webThere’s a mystique around “being successful.” When you look at people who are achieving their goals and contributing fully to the world around them, it’s tempting to believe a secret superpower is responsible. Or that there’s some kind of “success gene” at work that passed you by.

Success isn’t one big life-changing moment. We have grown accustomed to seeing movies and reading articles about high-performers who have achieved amazing things, and they all seem to have this one moment when everything changed.

That’s just storytelling. Real life doesn’t have set beginnings and endings, with a major climax and breakthrough in the second act. In real life, success isn’t a single superstar event. It’s a path, a journey—a habit of unflinching commitment to a few simple disciplines.

What are some of the disciplines of success?

  • Being grateful for all that you already have—and have already achieved.
  • Setting reasonable, achievable goals.
  • Creating a baby step plan.
  • Training yourself to take the next right action again and again.
  • Respectfully and diligently course-correcting along the way.
  • Facing your fears with honesty and compassion—and pressing on with courage.
  • Celebrating your progress, however small.

What are your disciplines of success? What habits can you strengthen, what steps can you take, to help you manifest even more success in your life?

Because each new habit, each change of perspective, every goal you set, every milestone you achieve can be the difference between a life of limitation and disappointment or one of abundance and fulfillment.

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© Copyright 2014 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Force, Flow & Baby Steps, Intuition & Intention | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

You ARE the One

r2g-p1-ai1-AndrewJackson-PERSON-webHave you ever known what you wanted to do, but felt that you needed the blessing of others before you could speak up or step forward and do it?

Such a need for external validation is quite common. Stepping out on your own can be scary, which is why we don’t do it more often.

Good news: your personal tribe is waiting for you to show up fully and lead. You don’t have to have the perfect answer, you just have to demonstrate the courage and conviction to say, “Let’s head in this direction,” and people will follow you!

The word “courage” comes from the French word coeur, which means heart. Courage is not about an absence of fear. In fact, without fear, there is no courage. Courage is about feeling, respecting and transcending your fear to do what you know in your heart is right. When you demonstrate courage, you take heart and move forward from a place of compassion with right action.

What is your heart calling you to do? Trust your gut and act upon it. Be the change you wish to see in the world. You ARE the one we’ve been waiting for.

How will you demonstrate your own personal brand of courage today? What would you dare if you could transcend any fears of external judgement or failure?

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© Copyright 2014 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
Posted in All My Blog Posts, Authenticity & Purpose, Creativity & Self-Expression, Intuition & Intention | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

An Update From The Tapping Solution Foundation

I thought you might enjoy knowing the inspiring results of The Tapping Solution Foundation charitable fundraising aspects of Nick Ortner’s 2014 6th Annual Tapping World Summit. They started with a goal of $25,000 to support tapping relief endeavors across the globe and ended up raising $100,000.

Nick Ortner

Nick Ortner is the NY Times best-selling author of The Tapping Solution and Executive Producer of the documentary film by the same name. Tapping is a simple, effective technique for reducing stress, anxiety and overwhelm in your life by releasing limiting beliefs, emotions and habits. How could anything so easy work so well? Because it’s based in science. It taps into the electrochemistry of how our minds and bodies are wired to shift us from the inside out—physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Click here to learn more about Nick’s book, film and work in the world.

Meanwhile, here’s Nick’s update on the Foundation’s areas of focus for the coming year:

Newtown, CT

  • Provide EFT certification training to mental health, healing arts and education professionals serving those traumatized by the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy.
  • Provide EFT sessions to Newtowners who continue to be affected by the tragedy, including first responders, families who lost loved ones, student and staff survivors and their families, and many others.
  • Partner with the Resiliency Center of Newtown providing training, support and private sessions to parents and children.
  • Educator trauma relief and classroom training for teachers.
  • Provide on-going mentoring and clinical support for certified EFT practitioners and educators.

National School/Educator Programs

  • Support and expand our current programs in CT, CA, NY and HI including educator stipends, mentoring, and documentation of the effectiveness of EFT in the classroom.

At-A-Distance Disaster Relief and Rapid Response Team Support

  • This year we provided mentoring and training via Skype and teleconference for EFT practitioners responding on the ground to tragedies in Boston, Oklahoma, The Philippines and others. We plan on expanding our readiness and effectiveness by developing formally documented training including audio/video/written support materials.

On-The-Ground Humanitarian Trauma Relief

  • Establish Project LIGHT: Uganda by responding to an extraordinary invitation to work with former child soldiers in Uganda partnering with Jane Ekayu from the Children of Peace organization.
  • Establish Project LIGHT: Hawaii for at-risk youth by providing a one month training program for community stakeholders and 12 at-risk youngsters, including video documentation.
  • Provide on-going program support for Project LIGHT: Rwanda
  • Bring our train-the-trainer trauma healing model to the Amala Foundation’s International Youth Healing Conference bringing traumatized youth from around the world to Kenya in December 2014, including our Project LIGHT Ambassadors.

And so much more!

  • Outreach to colleges and universities to include EFT certification training for educators, mental health and medical professionals.
  • Conduct EFT Research with students, prisoners, veterans and pain relief clients.

The Tapping Solution Foundation

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© Copyright 2014 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.
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Listen Up

By Guest Blogger Kate Steinbacher of Coaches Console

Listen Up

“We have two ears and one mouth to let us know that we should listen twice as much as we speak.” -Anonymous

One of the most important skills to develop in life is the ability to listen. Listening is not only about the words, but also about meanings spoken and not spoken, the tone of the voice, the speed with which people express themselves, the breathing patterns and the volume and words that are chosen. Each aspect brings something to the table of understanding and learning.

Becoming a good listener can improve your employment, promotion and relationship opportunities.

Everyone wants to be heard. We all have opinions and ideas that benefit from a listener to help them grow to maturity. Sometimes it may be that it helps us feel respected or valued when we are heard by another. There are many varied reasons why being heard is important for us. Think about the people in your life and work. With whom would you rather be stranded on an island or any place for that matter: a thoughtful listener and communicator or one that speaks constantly and rarely takes a breath?

So how can we become better listeners and why will it impact our world of work positively. The how is not all that easy. Developing good listening skills requires two things: one, that we honestly recognize where we are on the good listener scale and begin to evaluate ourselves and two, that we break old listening habits that are not working and establish new ones that enhance our ability to communicate and learn.

Recognizing our listening habits that hinder requires the help of trusted colleagues and friends. These must be people from whom we can hear criticism. Rarely do we realize on our own that we are not listening. Ask these trusted people to evaluate your listening skills. Do they feel heard by you? Do they feel you value their input, ideas and stories? Ask them both why they do feel heard and valued and why they do not. Have you ever played the child’s game of Simon Says? It is all about listening.

One habit that may be recognized as hindering listening, especially when we are nervous, perhaps in an interview, might be that of finding ourselves thinking of how we will respond to the speaker instead of truly listening. We are so worried about our intelligent response that we can often completely miss what is being said. Another hindering habit is thinking of a similar story that we can relate. This habit can come across as one-upmanship. Can you relate to a time when you told a pretty good story or offered an insight, only to have your “listener” immediately tell a bigger story? When that happens, there can be a sense that the listener does not really care about us or what we have to share, they are only concerned about themselves. While this is not usually the listener’s intention, it can easily be misperceived in that negative manner.

Becoming a good listener involves evaluating ourselves with help from trusted friends, creating awareness, and replacing old habits with listening for the many aspects of what a person is trying to communicate. You will be amazed by what you will learn when you truly start listening.

Once you have discovered some of your listening traps, start your self-awareness campaign. When you notice yourself thinking of a response instead of listening, stop yourself mentally and open your ears and mind to what is being said. Realize that a good listener will be valued for taking a moment to consider what is being said and responding thoughtfully, not necessarily immediately.

So now that we have a clearer grasp of how to become better listeners, why might we want to do so? It is often in our best interest to have truly heard the information and to respond more slowly and thoughtfully. Think of times when you have said yes, committing yourself to a responsibility, and moments later could have kicked yourself for agreeing. What about being in an interview situation. Have you emerged from an interview and could not think of anything that they told you? You spent your energy telling them about yourself and probably selling yourself, but did you hear them? Do you have enough information to make a careful decision about accepting a position if they ask you? There are so many job seekers that do not listen and end up in a position that solves their problem of unemployment but they are underemployed, frustrated and unhappy. The same can apply to the opposite side of the desk with interviewers. Often, we tell the potential employee everything about the position and the person that should fill it and never really get to know who the candidate is and whether they will truly be a good match for the position and the company.

When we are good listeners we can have our minds opened to new ideas. We can learn fascinating things about the people around us thereby allowing us to attract and create valuable connections and relationships. We can make more informed and thoughtful decisions. We have two ears and one mouth for very good reasons!

Opportunity: Put together a team of trusted colleagues to discover your listening quotient. Create self-awareness around your listening. As a reminder, try using the acronym “WAIT”—Why Am I Talking?

Author’s content used under license, © 2010 Coaches Console
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Start Where You Are

r2g-p1-ai8-BootStraps-webTired of sabotaging yourself through the perfectionistic practice of setting the bar too high? You’ll treasure the insightful relief to be found in this post.

Perfectionism is not a lofty goal or enviable trait, it’s a fear-based illusion riddled with lies and characterized by force. Excellence is a love-based reality characterized by flow and grounded in the truth of who I am and Whose I am: a unique, cocreative expression of the Divine. Read on if you’d like to learn to thrive in the joyful freedom of excellence by liberating yourself from the painful self-imposed prison of perfectionism!

If you keep thinking you “need more”—more education, more money, more appreciation, more time—your motivation may be fear or one of its ugly cousins. Instead of looking to get more or be more before you start, look at what you have now. Everything you need is already within you. You just need to appreciate what you’ve got and start using it. There is no better time than now to take the first step. Now IS the right time and the right place.

If you wait for everything to be perfect, you may never start (which, by the way, is far from perfect). There will always be more you can do to prepare. Don’t let that stop you! You don’t need perfection to get results, you just need to start right where you are.

My experience publishing my first book, Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life! (Hay House/Balboa Press 2013) provides a great illustration of this powerful technique in action.

Though writing a book made complete sense intellectually (head response), every time I thought about the scope, complexity, and importance of the project, not to mention the greater vulnerability that such increased visibility could bring, I would begin hyperventilating at the sheer magnitude of what was before me (heart response).

I followed my own advice; I didn’t force myself to do anything before I felt ready. I respected my intuition in the form of my energy for the project and set my intention to open myself wide to knowing what the best approach would be—content, design, flow, and timing.

One of my favorite tools to employ when I begin to block myself with the perceived enormity of a new project is to ask, “What if this is going to be much easier than I think?” Having opened the door to that delightful possibility, I immediately anchor it more deeply as an affirmation: “Writing this book is going to be easy, fast, and fun. Effortless, joyful, creative, rewarding. Just the ticket to help my practice and myself grow in new directions and touch more lives in support of the highest good for all.”

Remembering that early success fosters flow, I started with the parts I knew would be relatively simple. The constructive fuel from that fast sense of accomplishment helped me continue to flow right on into the more complex elements, one word, one sentence, one paragraph, one page, one section at a time.

Then I let the project simmer on the back burner while I kept moving forward in other areas of my life. I checked back in occasionally, took the lid off the stockpot, gave it a stir and a taste. I added some new ingredients (rendered some new diagrams, wrote a few paragraphs or another chapter, incorporated and adapted some writing I’d just done for another purpose) and adjusted the seasonings (flipped the order of sections, changed the formatting for greater clarity, tweaked some language for greater impact). Then I put the lid back on and let it keep simmering. I started and completed many other projects, including pitching and launching my brand new radio show, during the ensuing months while the book “stew” kept becoming richer and more flavorful by the moment. Bubbling away, preparing for its perfect time.

I had originally set my intention to finish the manuscript by the end of October 2012. It was a somewhat arbitrary though logical date at the time I chose it. But as that date approached, I could feel in my heart that it wasn’t time because the new revelations I was continuing to receive would expand the value and impact of the principles for the reader. Had I forced a late October birth, much of the detail, nuance, and richness of chapter 6, “Your Personal Board of Directors,” would have been absent because it didn’t even exist in my consciousness yet. It would have been an okay book, but it would have fallen far short of what was possible. Relaxing into the Universe’s wiser plan led to delivering the final  manuscript to my publisher on February 14, 2013 instead (an auspicious date for a book that’s all about the power of loving yourself unconditionally). The resulting depth of the personal board aspect of my Discovery Framework, and the coaching experience that spawned it, earned me my moniker as “The Gremlin Coach.” What a great example of the difference between fear-based procrastination and love-based percolation: the art of the productive pause. As always, it’s the energy underneath our thoughts and actions—love vs. fear—that makes the difference.

I encourage you to apply these same guidelines in your own life. Easy does it. Letting any shifts be as organic as possible is key to more substantive, longer lasting results. Begin with one tiny baby step toward one small desired change. No amount of progress is too inconsequential to celebrate. Each step forward is an important opportunity to stop, consider what you’ve learned, examine your new tools, realize your new strengths, and embrace with gratitude the joy that will take you to the next step. Celebrating each success is key to fostering the constructive core energy that will keep moving you forward. Noticing and demonstrating love, respect, curiosity, compassion, and gratitude for any resistance to change is as important to moving forward as celebrating your successes.

Remember, whatever you have before you, if you can believe it and begin it, you can achieve it. In the words of singer/songwriter, Kathy Mattea, “Spread your wings, close your eyes, and always trust your cape!”

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