Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!

Fostering Flow: Part 1 of 3

Posted on July 21, 2012 by djwlifecoach

When I talk of experiencing Flow, what exactly do I mean?

Flow is anchored in fueling my core energy with Love, Respect, Curiosity, Compassion and Gratitude. For myself, every being, every encounter, every experience. When I live that way, even for just a moment, Flow is my word for the effort-less, stress-less, joy-filled result.

My life becomes a fluid Journey to Wholeness grounded in Who I am Being NOT What I am Doing.

Sound cool but a bit too woo-woo? A delightful goal but impossible to attain? Flow doesn’t have to remain a mystery. It’s completely attainable with the help of some simple, practical tools.

Here are the first five tools to boost your ability to minimize stress and foster Flow:

1: Pay Attention – If you don’t recognize you’re feeling stressed, you can’t change it. Practice mindfulness by noticing what you’re feeling and figuring out why.

2: Breathe – Next time things start getting a little crazy, stop, take three deep breaths, become fully present, restore sanity and realize you have options. Your brain needs oxygen to function effectively. Try setting a timer on your phone or pc to remind you periodically to stop, close your eyes for a minute and just breathe.

3: Be Here Now – Forget rehashing the past and agonizing over the future. This moment is your only real opportunity to make a difference. Just you, just here, just now, just be.

4: Opportunity Knocks – While life won’t always follow your plans and expectations, everything in life is an opportunity. An opportunity to understand yourself better and open your heart wider — to develop greater compassion for yourself and others. While the details of our lives differ, we all experience the same range of emotions from fear, frustration and loneliness to joy, contentment and peace. With yourself firmly planted in the present moment, it’s your ability to respond creatively and constructively that makes the difference.

5: Get Curious – If everything’s an opportunity, where might the opportunity be in this situation. The Universe is far more creative than we can imagine. So assume the best and look for the silver lining in even the darkest cloud.

© Copyright 2012 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Force, Flow & Baby Steps, Mindfulness, Meditation & Peace, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout | Tagged Deborah Jane Wells, How to de-stress, How to stress less, What are baby steps, What is burnout, What is mindfulness, What is peace, What is perfectionism, What is stress, What is stress management | Leave a comment

How Healthy Are Your Boundaries?

Posted on July 18, 2012 by djwlifecoach

Boundaries are those invisible lines you place around yourself so people know the limits of what they can say and do around you. Make your boundaries too solid and you build walls, too weak and you allow others’ actions to harm you. Either extreme creates stress for you and those around you. Take a few minutes to answer these questions to help you find out how healthy your boundaries are:

1: I start statements with “I” rather than “you” or “we.” This lets me own what I say. “I” is less defensive than “you” and more accurate than “we.” True/False

2: My boundaries are specific and clear. “I don’t accept phone calls after 10 p.m.,” rather than the vague and mushy, “Don’t call me too late.” True/False

3: I’m consistent when I create boundaries. If I say “no phone calls after 10 p.m.,” I don’t make exceptions unless the situation is exceptional. True/False

4: When people attempt to cross my boundaries, I don’t assume the worst (they don’t care, they weren’t paying attention, they’re selfish and inconsiderate); I simply restate my position. True/False

5: As soon as I realize I’m in a situation that might be headed for trouble, I announce my boundary, “I won’t continue talking with you if you raise your voice at me.” True/False

6: I try to avoid situations and people where I know my boundaries will be continually tested. True/False

7: I don’t take responsibility for how others respond to my boundaries. If someone feels resentment because I didn’t wait when she was twenty minutes late for our appointment, I don’t try to make it okay for her. True/False

8: I respect others’ boundaries and ask for clarification when I’m not certain of limits. “May I talk to you about business after hours?” True/False

9: When people refuse to respect my boundaries, I walk away rather than get into a situation that could escalate. I say why I’m leaving. True/False

10: I let people know when I have reconsidered a boundary. “It used to be okay for you to be late, but now…” True/False

11: I believe that everyone has to create his or her own boundaries. What’s okay for me might not work for someone else. True/False

Boundaries consistently maintained can help make life less stressful by reducing conflict and improving relationships. Plus, they’re a real self-esteem booster. If you answered “True” to fewer than six of these questions, learning to set healthier boundaries would go a long way to helping you reduce your stress. Set up a 60-minute complimentary coaching session to explore how life coaching can help you provide the relief you seek.

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Relationships, Boundaries & Belonging, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout | Tagged Deborah Jane Wells, How to de-stress, How to stress less, What are boundaries, What is a healthy relationship, What is belonging, What is burnout, What is perfectionism, What is stress, What is stress management | Leave a comment

Where Have All the Margins Gone?

Posted on July 14, 2012 by djwlifecoach

Dr. Richard A. Swenson, M.D., in his book Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives says this:

Margin is the space that used to exist between ourselves and our limits.

When asked how they are doing, most people reply with some version of, “So busy I don’t even have time to breathe!” Sound familiar?

We have become a culture that despises margins. We value productivity and tend to be more than a little suspicious of those who have time on their hands. Do you find yourself measuring your worth by how “productive” you are?

Best-selling Author and Life Coach Cheryl Richardson believes the quality of life is enhanced more by what we eliminate than what we add. What if we weren’t living with every moment of every day planned out? What if every single day contained some breathing room?

Consider taking 3 baby steps this week to increase the margins in your life:

1. Drive with the radio off the next time you’re in the car. Welcome the quiet.

2. Take a walk with a loved one. It clears the mind and provides the space to really connect with each other.

3. Cut out one hour of TV or web browsing and spend that time creating more margins in your life. What can you live without?

© Copyright 2012 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout | Tagged Deborah Jane Wells, How to de-stress, How to stress less, What is burnout, What is perfectionism, What is stress, What is stress management | Leave a comment

Opportunity Knocks

Posted on July 11, 2012 by djwlifecoach

We all experience Environmental Stressors over which we have no direct control. Things like foul weather, traffic jams, and getting stuck in the slowest line at the post office.

While we may not be able to eliminate the stressors themselves, by changing our perspective we can release their hold on us and reframe the experience in a more positive, life-affirming light.

While life won’t always follow your plans and expectations, try shifting your perspective by seeing everything as an opportunity. An opportunity to understand yourself better and open your heart wider — to develop greater compassion for yourself and others. While the details of our lives differ, we all experience the same range of emotions from fear, frustration and loneliness to joy, contentment and peace. With yourself firmly planted in the present moment, it’s your ability to respond creatively and constructively that makes the difference.

How might you uncover the opportunities in unexpected delays? Turn what you’ve always experienced as wasted time into transformational time. Try keeping audiobooks in your car to make your slow commute entertaining, educational and inspirational. Ditto for always having a few good magazines and books with you.

How about keeping a journal and pen handy at all times to turn those spare moments into opportunities to get in touch with your Inner Self. Just journaling about your frustrations goes a long way to helping you release them. Who knows, you might even find yourself laughing at the trivial things your “Head Chatter” manages to turn into huge dramas. And laughter remains one of the all-time best reframing tools ever invented. Journaling could even be a step on the way to publishing that book you’ve always dreamed of writing but still haven’t made the time for.

As long as you’re not operating heavy machinery, you might consider investing those spare minutes in closing your eyes and breathing, a proven mood soother and blood pressure reducer. You’ve been saying you wanted to meditate more. What if this delay is not an obstacle but a loving gift from the Universe — a way of making space for you to fulfill your desire. Just you, just here, just now, just be.

Finally, one of the most powerful tools for reframing Environmental Stress is Gratitude. Instead of being overwhelmed by piles of laundry, you might be thankful for having lots of clothes to wear and clean water to wash them. Instead of grumbling over an eight-hour delay at the airport, how about celebrating finding the time to get started on that really good book you’ve been carrying around in your bag for many months. Or when you are stuck in the slowest line at the grocery store, you might look at your cart full of food and be grateful that you have access to an incredible variety of food and the money that allows you to enjoy it.

Gratitude for Universal Abundance anchors each moment in generous, effortless, joy-filled FLOW — a fluid Journey to Wholeness grounded in Who you are Being NOT What you are Doing.

© Copyright 2012 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion, Gratitude, Prosperity & Abundance, Love, Fear & Gremlins, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout | Tagged Deborah Jane Wells, From fear to love, How to de-stress, How to stress less, Love or fear, What is abundance, What is burnout, What is compassion, What is curiosity, What is fear, What is gratitude, What is perfectionism, What is prosperity, What is respect, What is stress, What is stress management | Leave a comment

Get Relief from Stress: FREE Practical Approach to Meditation

Posted on July 7, 2012 by djwlifecoach

Launching July 16, 2012
Newest FREE Deepak Chopra 21-Day
Guided Meditation Recordings

Register Here

A well-known Teacher once said, “I have so much to do today — if I hope to accomplish everything on my list, I must meditate twice as long.”

Most of us are more likely to say, “I have so much to do today, there’s no way I have time for meditation or anything else!” I used to say that myself until I figured out that I have all the time I need for the things that matter most. My role is simply to discern exactly what matters most in each moment.

The funny thing is that people from spiritual traditions throughout the world have long reported that regular meditation actually results in greater efficiency and productivity. They discover the power of FLOW: an effortless, stressless, joy-filled way of living grounded in being NOT doing.

For those who might want to give it a try — or for those who are already committed to meditation — I wanted to share a great opportunity with you. Four times a year, through the Chopra Meditation Center, Deepak Chopra offers a NEW completely FREE series of 21 guided meditations. I love the programs in this series and use them myself. His newest program will launch on July 16, 2012.

The good news about Chopra’s program is that it’s a simple daily web-accessible recording with each meditation lasting 10-20 minutes.

Whether you’re a seasoned meditator or you’ve heard that it might reduce your stress and increase your sense of well-being, this program has a great deal to offer. For those new to meditation, it eliminates the perceived barrier of “too much silence” by easing you into a healthy new habit through a theme that ties the 21 sessions together with lots of speaking and guidance, very little pure silence.

And, for the seasoned meditator, it’s a great way to expand your options and approach. All meditation paths have merit because at their core they are all about the myriad ways we can hold ourselves in mindfulness. Doing the dishes, walking the dog, feeding the cat — all become meditative when entered into with focus and awareness. We are human beings, not human doings. Just me, just here, just now, just be.

Here’s what The Chopra Center has to say about this series:

“Studies have shown that it takes 21 days of consistent behavior to change a habit or create a new one, such as establishing a regular exercise routine, eating a healthier diet, or taking time each day for self-care. In just 21 days, you can also establish a fulfilling meditation practice that will give you a lifetime of rewards. You may have dipped your toe in the water with limited success, but this time, you will have daily support and guidance that will enable you to move beyond any past obstacles and experience the many gifts and benefits of meditation.”

Find out more and sign up here …

Please share this email with a friend. And let me know if you found value in this series. Your feedback will help me with other suggestions about resources.

Declare Your Independence From Stress — you’re worth the effort.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Mindfulness, Meditation & Peace, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout | Tagged Deborah Jane Wells, How to de-stress, How to stress less, What is burnout, What is mindfulness, What is peace, What is perfectionism, What is stress, What is stress management | Leave a comment

Accentuate the Positive

Posted on July 4, 2012 by djwlifecoach

Regular practice of positive affirmations is one of the greatest tools for increasing your stress resilience. The key is to choose the specific themes, language, order and way you’ll use them to best foster your personal sense of generous, effortless, joy-filled FLOW. A fluid life of freedom centered in Who You Are Being NOT What You Are Doing. Give it a try and see for yourself what a difference it can make.

To help get your creative juices flowing, here are the affirmations I currently recite from memory morning and evening (with a liberal dose of pertinent ones sprinkled throughout the day as needed). They are based on my own Life Lessons and the teachings of various Spiritual Masters. The affirmations are organic and dynamic. They shift, evolve and grow real-time based on what’s happening in my Life and what’s needed to fuel the next personal growth phase of my Journey to Wholeness.

I do not worry. I am grateful and faithful.
I am not angry or impatient. I am generous, kind and compassionate. We are all doing our best with the Love and Light we possess in each moment.
I am impeccable with my Word. I do not use it to injure or deceive myself or others.
I take nothing personally. I respect that we are each on our own path doing our own personal work in every moment.
I make no assumptions. The Universe is far greater than I can imagine, even in my most brilliant moment.
I listen deeply and with discernment. I always trust my intuition and inner wisdom.
I am always doing my best with the Love and Light I have in each moment.
Miracles happen.
We do the work of the Angels.
I do not judge — judging blocks the light.
I hold myself in alignment with the Highest Good.
Sacred Silence rights the Universe.
I enjoy loving kindness and fostering loving kindness.
I am free from misery and fostering misery.
I choose joy.
I dwell in equanimity, free from craving, aversion and indifference.
I do not rush. I AM ENOUGH. I discern, focus and follow through.
I approach Life with Love, Respect, Curiosity and Compassion revealing and advancing the Highest Good.
My Gratitude for Universal Abundance anchors each moment in generous, effortless, joy-filled Flow.

Namaste.

© Copyright 2012 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

Declare Your Independence From Stress

Posted on June 30, 2012 by djwlifecoach

Since 1971, when Intel first introduced the microprocessor chip, US productivity has more than doubled. That could have resulted in all of us having twice as much time for fun.

Instead, during that same period, our leisure time has decreased by almost 40% while average wages have barely kept pace with inflation. Is it any wonder adult Americans report feeling much more stressed than they did a decade or two ago?

Ready to reclaim your personal power and recapture your zest for living?

In keeping with the spirit of this time of year, over the next three months we are going to offer you practical tools and value-packed resources to help you Declare Your Independence From Stress.

Kissing stress goodbye starts with three baby steps:

Pay attention: If you don’t recognize you’re feeling stressed, you can’t change it.
Breathe: Take three deep breaths, become fully present, restore sanity and realize you have options.
Exercise your right to choose: Stop being a victim to reactions based on past patterns and future fears — make a conscious choice instead.

© Copyright 2012 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

Had Enough of Winter? Plant Spring in Your Soul!

Posted on February 17, 2012 by djwlifecoach

Launching February 20th:
FREE Deepak Chopra 21-Day Guided Meditation Recordings

A well-known Teacher once said, “I have so much to do today – if I hope to accomplish everything on my list, I must meditate twice as long.”

Most of us are more likely to say, “I have so much to do today, there’s no way I have time for meditation or anything else!” I used to say that myself until I figured out that I have all the time I need for the things that matter most.

My task is simply to discern exactly what matters most in each moment.

The funny thing is that meditating on a regular basis actually makes me much more efficient and productive. People throughout the world have long reported a similar result, whether they are Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Jew or atheist.

The good news about Chopra’s program is that it’s a simple daily download, with each meditation lasting about 10-20 minutes.

Here’s how The Chopra Center introduces this series:

“Are you ready to experience greater health, deep inner peace and genuine happiness? If your answer is YES, we invite you to join us for the Chopra Center 21-Day Meditation Challenge™ as we embark on a Mind-Body Odyssey!”

Find out more and sign up here …

Leave me a comment and let me know if you found value in this series. Your feedback will help me with other suggestions about resources.

All We Need is Love

Posted on March 12, 2011 by djwlifecoach

Things have been humming along for me. Coaching six to ten clients a week. Publishing some, although not as much as I’d like. Meditating, although more would be beneficial. Assistants helping me catch up on office work. New technology acquired to support greater efficiency. Eating healthy, working out six days a week, listening to good books via audible.com on my Blackberry. Utilizing Nook and Kindle to help me process and manage content. An amazing online library system via www.librarything.com to organize all of my favorite inspirational resources for clients. Less clutter in the office. Making art becoming a staple of my diet again. Sounds lovely, yes?

So how could all of that good ever result in me weeping with hands pressed over my heart this morning?

Here’s my handle on the chain of events. I was cranking along, getting more organized and productive. Not realizing I was at risk for becoming seduced again by the Gremlin of “Productivity=Purpose.” Not even noticing her whispering and hissing in my ear, “See, now you’re remembering how this works. Work, work, work, work, and more work. Look at how much more you accomplish when you take yourself more seriously. Using all those organizational tools again. Schedules, lists, software, how-to-books. You used to raise multi-tasking to an art form. For heaven’s sake, you taught others how to be more productive. I knew you couldn’t have forgotten everything I taught you. All you needed was a little subtle prodding from me. You know how much better it feels to be you when you’re doing and accomplishing more.”

No, I had no idea she’d been playing that sinister tape in my head again. I knew that my work could benefit from a little more intention and organization. Setting priorities, making some lists, filing more regularly, scheduling more tightly. There is nothing wrong with being organized or productive. The problem arises when we conclude our value is in any way related to our performance. That’s when things get wacky.

So I sat there, sobbing and a bit clueless as to why. I’d been up for hours and had nothing but a cup of decaf cappuccino. Knew I needed to back away from the laptop, put some distance between me and my office, go upstairs and eat so my head and heart actually had some healthy fuel to function optimally. Maybe add some sitting meditation to center myself and attain clarity. So upstairs to break the fast I went, beginning on the spot meditation by chanting my personal version of the Shambhala Buddhist Four Limitless Ones Affirmations which are a way of life. At least I thought they were a way of life, until I couldn’t for the life of me remember one of the four.

I remembered the peace one because peace was so clearly eluding me at that moment. And I had the compassion one, steeped in misery of my own making as I was. And I remembered the joy one, probably because I was experiencing none. What the heck was the fourth one??? I taxed my brain. Tried writing them down to trigger muscle memory. No dice. It had become the Three, not Four, Limitless Affirmations. I had lost my WAY.

I knew in my HEART it had to be significant that I couldn’t remember the fourth. That maybe the root of my misery was that I quite literally couldn’t remember and wasn’t living the fourth. I couldn’t stand it any longer. Aborting breakfast prep, I returned to my office for the sole purpose of looking up the fourth affirmation on my laptop (no other work I swear). Here’s what I found:

LOVE: We delight in our purpose – always discovering and living our greatest potential.
COMPASSION: Misery holds no power over us – we neither foster nor lose ourselves in it.
JOY: We rejoice in all things.
PEACE: We abide in peaceful balance – at one and in harmony with all – free from addiction, aggression and indifference.

Imagine my astonishment – the missing ingredient was love. LOVE. And it’s not fourth, it’s first. How could I have forgotten about love? I’m the Love and Curiosity chick. How had I forgotten about LOVE and how had it led to me weeping at the laptop? Simple. Driven by my old task mistress the Gremlin of Productivity=Purpose (aka, Cruella), in the process of becoming more organized and productive, I started to forget that the only reason to do so was to further my ability to ALWAYS DELIGHT IN MY PURPOSE:

I approach life with Love, Respect, Curiosity and Compassion –every being, encounter and experience–revealing and advancing the Highest Good. My Gratitude for Universal Abundance anchors each moment in generous, effortless, joy-filled Flow.

Always delighting in my purpose by discovering and living my greatest potential – LOVE. Not fussing and making myself crazy about having to be PERFECT at it RIGHT NOW. Not going nuts trying to figure out how I can read 8,000 self-improvement books this week to embody my purpose perfectly ’cause clearly I’M NOT ENOUGH as I am.

OH DEBORAH, LISTEN TO YOURSELF! LOOK AT LITTLE BEE. YOU’RE SCARING HER TO DEATH BY PUSHING HER WAY TOO HARD. LOOK AT HER, YOU’VE MADE HER CRY AND HOLD HER HANDS OVER HER HEART TO PROTECT HERSELF FROM WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO HER. SHE’S AFRAID SHE HAS NO WORTH TO YOU AGAIN BECAUSE SHE’S NOT PERFECT AND CAN’T DO IT ALL. DOESN’T WANT TO DO IT ALL. SHE’S WORKED HARD ALL WEEK. SHE HAD HER HEART SET ON PLAYING SOME TODAY. FOR LOVE’S SAKE, STOP THIS INSANITY!

Just like that, remembering that love is my purpose, my greatest potential, I found the compassion, joy and peace I had misplaced. Remembering that when I approach everyone – especially myself – every encounter and every experience with Love, Respect, Curiosity and Compassion, I always have deep peace, lasting joy and meaningful relationships.

Dear Ones, you are worthy. You ARE worthy. YOU ARE WORTHY. Just as you are. With your delightful blend of gifts and annoying little quirks. In all of time, You are the only You in the entire Universe. You are enough – perfect just as you are in this moment.

You are loved and loving. You are blessed and a blessing. Namaste.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion, Falling in Love With Yourself, Love, Fear & Gremlins, Mindfulness, Meditation & Peace, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout, The Starter Blog Posts | Tagged Deborah Jane Wells, From fear to love, How to de-stress, How to love myself, How to love yourself, How to stress less, Love or fear, What is burnout, What is compassion, What is curiosity, What is fear, What is mindfulness, What is peace, What is perfectionism, What is respect, What is self-love, What is stress, What is stress management | 4 Comments

Art Therapy

Posted on February 17, 2011 by djwlifecoach

During the past five years, I’ve lived the transformative power of today’s reading from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way Every Day – A Year of Creative Living:

“People frequently believe the creative life is grounded in fantasy. The more difficult truth is that creativity is grounded in reality, in the particular, the focused, the well observed or specifically imagined. As we lose our vagueness about our self, our values, our life situation, we become available to the moment. It is there, in the particular, that we contact the creative self. Until we experience the freedom of solitude, we cannot connect authentically. We may be enmeshed, but we are not encountered. Art lies in the moment of encounter: we meet our truth and we meet ourselves; we meet ourselves and we meet our self-expression. We become original because we become something specific: an origin from which work flows.”

To begin the search for my long-lost authentic self, I primed the pump with immersion in a plethora of creative endeavors. I had no master plan. Only a vague recollection of feeling happy to be alive when I was making art as a child. Art is the language our souls still speak even when, especially when, our brains and mouths cannot form words to tell our story. Through our art we self-disclose without ever planning to, even when we try not to. We can’t stop our hearts and souls from speaking through our creations – whether we sing, garden, write, paint, cook, sew, repair cars or fix computers. Always, in all ways, we tell what must be told.

Three years into that search, left on my own for the first time in my life, guided by love, respect, curiosity and compassion, I found myself. Only then could I begin my first real connections with others. As Cameron observes, before that solitude, before that encounter with my self and my values, I was often, maybe always, enmeshed with others, but I never truly encountered them or they me.

Dear One, Julia didn’t just write today’s meditation for me. She wrote it for herself and for all of us. It is time, past time, to fall in love with yourself. Only then will you be able to fall in love with anyone else.

You are loved and loving. You are blessed and a blessing. Namaste.