Choose Your Energy: Change Your Life!

Fate, Free Will or Self-Fate: That is the Question

Posted on March 18, 2016 by djwlifecoach

In the previous Energy Leadership™ blog post, we learned that self-mastery is about knowing who you are at your core and expressing that in all you say and do. When your thoughts and beliefs resonate at a constructive energetic frequency, you attract just what you need when you need it with little or no effort. So what holds us back from living the lives we desire?

Some people attribute the lack of having what they want to fate—that their lives are somehow “meant to be” the way they are. However, many people don’t like the concept of fate because it negates free will. But what if neither the traditional concept of fate nor free will really existed for most people? An unusual concept called self-fate helps explain why so many of us don’t have what we really want.

Self-fate is the idea that because our past is dominating our thought processes—and because most people are not consciously living in the moment—our past actually creates our future. Because we are making choices based on our past experiences, we cannot change our future unless the control of the past is removed so we can choose mindfully in the now. So self-fate really means that for most of us, fate does exist and we don’t have free will. We create our own fate because we choose to be imprisoned by the past. In this way, we limit ourselves to a narrow set of pre-determined choices dictated by our past.

Think about a woman who is unhappy with her relationships and says that she seems to meet the same kind of men over and over again. She complains that all men are the same: not interested in a meaningful, committed long term relationship, just easy sex with a constantly changing stream of much younger, very hot bodied women. She believes that she’s never going to find the kind of relationship she says she desires—one that is mutually respectful and supportive with both parties in it for the long haul. She believes she’s stuck with the types of relationships she’s always had—ones where she’s been emotionally abused.

It’s no wonder she feels this way—she’s had many experiences on which she is basing her beliefs. In fact, it’s quite normal that she believes what she does. Which poses a real challenge. Because she sees men as disrespectful, shallow, abusive and manipulating, she is broadcasting 24-7 at the “victim” energy frequency in alignment with her beliefs. And what’s the result? The energetic signal she transmits is picked up by those whose energy matches those beliefs: men who will take advantage of her. To them, she’s an easy target. And so, she actually creates her future relationships and will continue to do so until she changes her sense of self—WHO SHE IS BEING—in relationships.

Embracing the construct of self-fate reminds you that you are far more powerful than you realize. You matter! Self-fate is an internal force completely within your control. Good news: you are the only one who is response-able for your life.

In the next Energy Leadership post, we’ll begin exploring simple concrete steps you can take to get unstuck, harness your unlimited potential and step into your greatness.

To explore the life-changing power of escaping the self-imposed prison of your past, sign up below for a 60-minute complimentary coaching session.

Web copy used by permission. No reproduction or retransmission is permitted without expressed written consent of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). ©2006-2016 Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

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What clients say about
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“I knew Deborah before she became a Professional Life Coach. I’ve been amazed at how she has changed her life. When I decided it was time to begin making decisions about the next phase of my life, I knew immediately that Deborah was the person I wanted to work with. Her personal and professional experiences help her guide clients through coaching in a way that is individualized and delightfully eye-opening. Her warmth and sensitivity are immediately apparent, even over the phone. With gentle encouragement and permission, she will guide you through an examination of your life, including difficult experiences. She will help you gain insight from your past choices and then explore possibilities for moving forward in less encumbered ways. When you work with Deborah, your life will take on new meaning and your potential will be limitless!” Chris

“The work I did with Deborah continues to change my life. While I have learned many valuable lessons from her, the greatest was the deep insight that is available to me when I listen to and learn from my own inner wisdom. Her intuition, discernment and encouragement have taught me to trust my own intuition—creating new paths and possibilities for my life. One of Deborah’s great gifts is helping others respect and connect with their inner guidance and through that connection, to form a deeper, more meaningful bond with the collective wisdom and energy of all.” Ryan

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What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

“With the same energy and determination she applied in the professional world, Deborah has taken her considerable expertise in human potential and has now set her sights on the largest co-op in the world, humanity. ‘Choose Your Energy, Change Your Life!’ tackles what I believe are the most important questions we each must ask: who am I, where did I come from, why am I here, and what’s love got to do with it (cue Tina Turner)? These are not trivial or philosophical questions for the answers change what we do, why we do it, who and what we love. I am grateful for the opportunity to walk with Deborah on this critical journey.” JD Messenger, Award Winning Author of “11 Days in May: The Conversation That Will Change Your Life”

“To me the great thing about Deborah’s book is how ‘accessible’ she makes the ideas. The Oxygen Mask is probably the single best example. As with so many of the ideas in the book, she explains the principle in such a simple way that it’s got universal application to virtually any reader. I can imagine people having multiple moments of ‘Oh….I get it!’ throughout the book. The stories from her own life as well as stories of her clients’ experiences become stories about all of us—stories about which the reader will think, ‘I am living my own version of this.’ Well done—bravo!” Joe Calloway, Author of “Be The Best At What Matters Most”

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Energy Leadership | Tagged Anabolic Energy, Bruce D. Schneider, Catabolic Energy, Core Energy Coaching, Core Energy Dynamics, Deborah Jane Wells, Energy Leadership | Leave a comment

Mastering Your Life

Posted on March 11, 2016 by djwlifecoach

In last week’s introductory post on Energy Leadership™, we began by considering the central constructs of Bruce D. Schneider’s book Energy Leadership: Transforming Your Workplace and Your Life from the Core. Your thoughts resonate at different energetic frequencies and form the lens through which you view your life, thereby creating your reality in each moment. Your capacity to choose your thoughts and energy mindfully—whatever your circumstances or companions—directly impacts your satisfaction in all areas of your life by shaping how you respond to the myriad opportunities and obstacles you perceive every day.

Today we’ll continue to delve more deeply by exploring the principle of self-mastery. With his famous e=mc2 formula, Albert Einstein proved that everything is energy. Quantum physics demonstrates that energy attracts like energy. The principle of self-mastery is grounded in those same scientific precepts.

A master’s chosen mindset resonates at an energetic frequency that automatically attracts the right people, places, events and opportunities to support his or her aspirations. That same mindset allows a master to embrace those opportunities with gusto—unencumbered by fear or hesitation.

The energetic frequency
of the master’s mindset
naturally attracts whatever is needed
to position the master for success.

While each of us can learn to do many things well, there is only one thing you can truly master—being who you are. You are not here to be an imitation of someone else. In the inimitable words of Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

Each of us has a unique makeup. That makeup, at its core, is perfect. Our most precious gift to the world is revealed when we embrace and express our authenticity. When you share your true gift with the world, you have achieved self-mastery.

There are four aspects to self-mastery:

realizing that each of us has a unique gift to offer the world that is sourced in the authentic self,
discovering and embracing your authentic self,
identifying and developing your gift and,
sharing who you are with the world in the way that only you can.

It’s not what you do that matters, nor how you do it. Mastery is about knowing who you are at your core and expressing that in all you say and do. Instead of trying to better yourself into a worthy state, relax and look within to recognize the worthiness and wonder that are your birthright.

As a master, you live at the cause,
not the effect, of your life.

You feel in control without having to control anyone or anything. Your thoughts and beliefs resonate at a constructive energetic frequency that attracts just what you need when you need it with little or no effort. Self-mastery is sourced in constructive core energy characterized by unconditional love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude that yields a life of generous, effortless gracious flow filled with faith, hope, prosperity, peace and joy.

Self-mastery is a life of freedom
centered in being, not doing.

Future Energy Leadership posts will share insights into the most common blocks to discovering and sharing your true self. One by one, we’ll identify those seeming obstacles, limitations and challenges and reveal them for what they are—distractions that can be rendered powerless through awareness and self-mastery. By learning to recognize and harness the unlimited potential that has always lain dormant deep inside you, you will be able to transform and shape your world into all that you desire moment by moment.

To explore the life-changing power of self-mastery for yourself, sign up below for a 60-minute complimentary coaching session.

Web copy used by permission. No reproduction or retransmission is permitted without expressed written consent of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). ©2006-2016 Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

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What clients say about
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What readers say about
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© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

The Journey to Energy Leadership™

Posted on March 4, 2016 by djwlifecoach

As a Board-Certified Professional Empowerment Coach, Energy Leadership Master Practitioner, Reiki Master Teacher and EFT/Tapping Practitioner, Energy Leadership™ concepts and Core Energy Coaching™ are at the heart of my coaching philosophy and approach.

The central construct is that your thoughts resonate at different energetic frequencies and form the lens through which you view your life, thereby creating your reality in each moment. Your capacity to choose your thoughts and energy mindfully—whatever your circumstances or companions—directly impacts your satisfaction in all areas of your life by shaping how you respond to the myriad opportunities and obstacles you perceive every day.

Living in alignment with the principles
of Energy Leadership is about
strengthening your ability
to lead your own energy and
inspire others to do so as well.

To support you in that endeavor, throughout this year I’ll post periodic deep dives into the mechanics and benefits of Energy Leadership. You’ll learn about a key predictor of your sense of personal and professional fulfillment and wellbeing—your E-Factor™—derived from completing the 20-minute Energy Leadership Index™ online assessment. And I’ll share breakthrough Energy Leadership insights and practical tools for reclaiming your power, recapturing your zest for living and stepping into your greatness.

The fastest way to gain traction in shifting your energy right now is to read Bruce D. Schneider’s ground-breaking book, Energy Leadership: Transforming Your Workplace and Your Life from the Core. Bruce is the Founder of iPEC—the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, one of the top ranked coach training firms in the world and the one through which I received basic and advanced coaching certifications. His book shares the secrets of Energy Leadership and the power of Core Energy Coaching. Written in fable form, this inspiring and thought-provoking book is a quick and fun read that imparts valuable and transformative lessons for helping you live life to the fullest.

It explores the mindset of people who make success their reality—helping readers recognize and break through the limitations and blocks to achieving their goals and aspirations. It reveals seven levels of energy that we employ to accomplish or unintentionally thwart our aims. And how to more consciously harness those levels to support every interaction and endeavor.

Energy Leadership has the power
to transform your life by changing
the way you look at everything in your world.

It teaches leaders from all walks of life to develop their skills, sophistication and versatility. They learn to sharpen their awareness and expand their impact in the workplace, the home and the world at large. The bottom line? The most advantageous, effective and efficient way to lead is to enjoy the more enduring and substantive organic results of leveraging constructive energy rather than rely on the more fleeting and lackluster coerced outcomes of force.

Readers will learn how to:

Recognize the seven distinct energy levels that are the key to understanding why people think and act the way they do—personally and professionally.
Distinguish truly effective leaders from those who deplete the energy of the people around them.
Shift energy levels by applying established techniques that support peak performance in themselves and others.
Become powerful leaders who motivate themselves and inspire others to reach their full potential.
Identify the “Big Four Energy Blocks” and discover proven methods and strategies for recognizing and overcoming these and other obstacles to success.
Develop the ability to shift internal energy to meet any leadership challenge—arousing respect, confidence and loyalty in others.

This is not your everyday leadership book—it’s a book about everyday leaders emboldening themselves and others with hope, possibilities and empowerment. Energy Leadership is focused on developing the leader within you, no matter who you are or what you do. Whenever you encourage yourself or another to get unstuck and take constructive action to begin moving forward, you are being a leader by demonstrating leadership. Energy Leadership helps people from all walks of life lead themselves and others to extraordinary and sustainable success. From parents and teachers, clergy and politicians, coaches and consultants, to managers, entrepreneurs and CEOs, the system helps create awareness of the types and levels of energy or consciousness we choose in each moment—demonstrating how to live at the cause, instead of the effect, of our lives.

To explore Core Energy Dynamics™ and
experience Core Energy Coaching™
for yourself, sign up below for a
60-minute complimentary coaching session.

Meanwhile, start reading Bruce’s book and applying its principles today. Your more constructive personal energy will automatically transform every being and situation you encounter. You will, by your very presence, quite literally, transform the world. You’ve got nothing to lose, except the limits fear, stress and pain have been placing on your life. Time to get off that hamster wheel and step into your greatness.

Web copy used by permission. No reproduction or retransmission is permitted without expressed written consent of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). ©2006-2016 Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS!

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

The Freedom Found in Forgiving Yourself

Posted on February 26, 2016 by djwlifecoach

A friend forgives another friend for gossiping about her. A husband forgives a wife for lying to him about her intimate relationship with another man. A mother forgives the man who murdered her daughter. The human capacity to forgive even the deepest wrongs is awe-inspiring.

For many people, forgiving others provides liberation from anger and grievance that leads to a richer and happier life. But there is an even deeper peace to be found through what might be the hardest act of all—forgiving ourselves.

The first part of any conflict we must resolve is not between “me and my neighbor,” but between “me and me.” So believes author and therapist Thom Rutledge, who has written extensively on forgiveness and self-forgiveness.

In his book The Self-Forgiveness Handbook: A Practical and Empowering Guide, Rutledge writes that the resentment and grudges we hold against ourselves are every bit as destructive as those we harbor toward others. Every time you tune in to the inner dialogue that says you are not smart enough, thin enough, successful enough, famous enough, popular enough or any version of NOT ENOUGH or berate yourself for what you did or didn’t do, you are choosing to live in blame and resentment. In the words of Buddhist monk and author Thich Nhat Hanh, to truly practice forgiveness we must first forgive ourselves for not being perfect.

In her book The Unburdened Heart: Five Keys to Forgiveness and Freedom, author Mariah Burton Nelson writes, “When we treat ourselves with love and compassion, we become nicer to everyone else. We become less defensive. We don’t worry so much what others’ judgments might be, because we’re not judging ourselves.”

Forgiving yourself is not a self-indulgent way to let yourself off the hook for behaving badly. Rather, it is the result of looking deeply within yourself, recognizing when our plans go awry, taking responsibility for our actions and loving ourselves in spite of it all. Fred Luskin, psychologist and cofounder of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, writes, “Forgiving is not about condoning bad behavior; it’s about taking responsibility and becoming a hero and not a victim in the story you tell.”

To be able to say, “I behaved (thoughtlessly, unkindly, naively, etc.), I forgive myself for not being perfect and I commit to doing better in the future” could be the biggest—and most healing—act of all. When you can forgive the imperfections in yourself, it’s a lot easier to forgive them in others.

“Self-forgiveness is a commitment to love yourself no matter what,” Nelson says. “It’s the generous act of giving yourself a break. Remembering that you’re human. Offering yourself the loving kindness that you might offer, on your best days, to those you love the most, no matter what they’ve done.”

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2010 Claire Communications

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What clients say about
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What readers say about
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© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Curiosity, Respect & Compassion, Stress, Perfectionism & Burnout | Tagged Deborah Jane Wells, How to de-stress, How to stress less, What is burnout, What is compassion, What is curiosity, What is perfectionism, What is respect, What is stress, What is stress management | Leave a comment

Ten Ways to Love Fearlessly

Posted on February 19, 2016 by djwlifecoach

Let’s face it, love can be messy and confusing. With its magnified highs and lows, love can be unpredictable and often not we expected—so much so that we might be tempted to cower in fear. But if we approach love with respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude, relationships will thrive.

Here are ten concrete tips to pave your way:

Be yourself. If we want to be loved for who we truly are, why put on an act?

Don’t believe your stories. Our interpretation of events and feelings is, in fact, just one possibility for what is actually true. To get closer to the truth, explore those other possibilities.

Stay open. Fear’s favorite pastime is to shut us down. But when we choose to remain vulnerable, true connection to others is possible.

Speak up. While paying attention to others’ desires is an important building block for healthy relationships, acknowledging and giving voice to our own desires is essential as well.

Stop looking for perfection. Excellence is fueled by love, perfection is fueled by fear. Many times, what we call “high standards” is a mask for our own feelings of inadequacy.

Embrace the messiness. It gives us the gift of growth.

Express yourself. Honor all of your feelings—not just the “pretty” ones—and learn the difference between expressing anger constructively and drive-by feedback.

Love with no thought of what you’ll get in return. This is fearless love in action.

Take responsibility. Be accountable for your own emotions, thoughts and actions.

Love yourself no matter what. Only then can you truly love others and attract the sort of love you deeply desire. You broadcast 24-7 how you are to be treated by how you treat yourself.

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

What if the key to fostering
loving relationships with others
starts with embracing
the amazing and liberating possibility
that the love of your life
just might be you?

Many people tell me it feels selfish to think in those terms and that we are supposed to love and care for “our neighbor.” I remind them we are also supposed to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” Many of us would end up in court or prison if we treated our neighbors the way we treat ourselves.

I am reminded of the adage, “Charity begins at home.” If, according to Merriam-Webster’s 2011 dictionary, charity is “benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity” or at a minimum “lenient judgment of others,” then I suggest it has to begin at home; it has to begin with me. My ability to love others unconditionally is directly dependent on whether I love myself unconditionally. While, as a good actor, I can fake it by keeping all the judgmental voices inside my head, as with many things in life, there is a vast difference between faking it and the real thing.

So what does this kind of love look like? According to a well-known treatise on the subject found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 of the Bible (New International Version),

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Imagine applying these to yourself. Being patient with and kind to yourself. Not being envious, believing you deserve the best of everything. Always honoring and trusting your personal truth. Respecting your abilities and the decisions you have made. Always nurturing and protecting yourself. Persevering with loyalty to yourself no matter what. Paying attention to and demonstrating compassion for whatever you are feeling. Recognizing and being grateful for your many gifts and talents. Pierre Tielhard de Chardin captured the importance of this way of living when he wrote, “Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, [we] will have discovered fire.”

This is the very heart of the personal transformation I’ve experienced in my own life and the lives of my clients. With the compassionate guidance of many spiritual elders, each day I am learning to harness the energy of love and approach myself, every being, encounter, and experience with love.

This way of living is a path, a journey, not a destination. It is not about self-improvement. It is about becoming aware and awakening my heart, moment by moment, day by day. This path to deep peace, lasting joy, and meaningful relationships begins with a three-part commitment to myself:

I matter.
I fuel myself with optimal constructive energy.
I am powerful.

It is interesting that those who learn to fall in love with themselves are actually less likely to behave selfishly. Their joy and peace are contagious. They show up in their families, friendships, and workplaces with a spring in their step and a zest for living that carries them, and those around them, forward in new and exciting directions.

My clients are men and women; young and not so young; single, divorced, or married. What they have in common is an unflinching commitment to knowing themselves better and doing the deep and rewarding work necessary to make the lives they dream of a reality.

Their real-life stories and mine send a clear, consistent message: when we spend our lives not taking care of ourselves, eventually we are no good to ourselves or anyone else. We cannot share anything of lasting value with others by giving from an empty well. When we learn to treat ourselves with love in every moment, then—and only then—will we find ourselves able to be of genuine service to others.

My clients inspire me every day with the certainty that all of us can make this Journey to Wholeness. If you are ready to take life-changing action, then you have been led to a place where you will find the answers you seek. As my clients learn to love themselves unconditionally, they are transforming their lives. You can too.

The bottom line? It’s not just okay to fall in love with yourself. It’s essential. When you fall in love with yourself, everything else finally falls into place. This transformation arises from a fundamental shift in your head and heart. Once love transforms your relationship with yourself, it can’t help but transform your personal life and work in ways that will exhilarate you. Your more constructive personal energy will automatically transform every being and situation you encounter. You will, by your very presence, quite literally transform the world.

FREE Coaching Opportunity
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The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS!

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
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What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Falling in Love With Yourself, Love, Fear & Gremlins, Relationships, Boundaries & Belonging | Tagged Deborah Jane Wells, From fear to love, How to love myself, How to love yourself, Love or fear, What are boundaries, What is a healthy relationship, What is belonging, What is fear, What is self-love | Leave a comment

The Benefits of Loving Yourself Just as You Are

Posted on February 12, 2016 by djwlifecoach

Mary thinks she’d be happy if she could just change her weight, her looks and her job. Sean believes that he’s an okay person except for certain personality traits, such as anxiety, impatience and his quick temper. Yolanda’s shelves are bulging with self-improvement books; she’s read them all but she still hates herself.

Who among us doesn’t believe that with a little tweaking, we could be just right—self-realized, self-actualized and self-helped to just short of perfection? But, the problem for many is that all the books, self-improvement tips and positive affirmations don’t seem to make us any happier. Worst of all, the minute we “fix” one reviled piece of ourselves, another rears it head and starts screaming for attention.

When does self-help become self-hell?

What would happen if we simply started by realizing how wonderful we already are? As the pioneering psychologist Carl Rogers once wrote, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

“Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” writes Tara Brach, in her book, Radical Acceptance. “The more we anxiously tell ourselves stories about how we might fail or what is wrong with us or with others, the more we deepen the grooves—the neural pathways—that generate feelings of deficiency.”

She lists common ways people try to manage this pain of inadequacy:

anxiously embarking on one self-improvement project after another,
holding back and playing it safe rather than risking failure,
withdrawing from our experience of the present moment,
keeping busy,
becoming our own worst critics and/or
focusing on other people’s faults.

“Convinced that we are not good enough, we can never relax,” Brach writes. “We stay on guard, monitoring ourselves for shortcomings. When we inevitably find them, we feel even more insecure and undeserving. We have to try even harder.”

Accepting ourselves does not mean
self-indulgence or being passive.

Rather it means turning off the shameful, negative, self-loathing tapes within ourselves and just relaxing.

The blaring voices of our culture certainly don’t help with promises that buying something, owning something, achieving something will make us better people—that success is measured by looks, wealth or possessions. A healthier life finds deeper meaning and greater satisfaction in self-love, compassion, intuition, taking responsibility and forgiveness—especially forgiving ourselves.

Sometimes it is our so-called faults that can actually lead us to a healthier life. Pioneering psychologist Carl Jung called it our “shadow side,” that part in all of us we are ashamed of and that we often reject. Understanding and accepting that shadow side can lead to enormous freedom and self-acceptance.

Science and research have revealed much about what we can and cannot change about ourselves, according to Martin Seligman, Ph.D., author and Director of Clinical Training in Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. “Some of what does change is under your control, and some is not,” he writes in his book, What You Can Change and What You Can’t: The Complete Guide to Self-Improvement.

Seligman lists some characteristics that are easier to change, such as everyday anxiety, specific phobias, panic, anger and certain beliefs about life. He advises people to discard the notion of changing that which hurts the most (for example, your extra weight) and instead concentrating on those parts of yourself that will respond most successfully to your efforts to change them (for example, your shyness or impatience with your spouse).

We are unique cocreative expressions
of the Divine. How could that
ever not be enough?

When I learn to accept and appreciate every aspect of myself—the ones that society rewards and those that frustrate me and everyone around me, I create the nurturing environment in which love-fueled transformation can thrive. When I remember that we are all doing the best we can with the love and light we have in each moment, I relax and stop judging myself and others and begin appreciating all that we already are.

“Five Ways to Love Yourself”
from Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

Stop criticizing yourself. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.
Be gentle with yourself. Praise yourself and support yourself.
Love your negatives. Acknowledge that they fulfilled a need and now you don’t need them anymore.
Take care of yourself. Take care of your body in the ways that please you.
Do it now. Don’t wait until you get well, or get sick, or lose the weight or get the new job or the new relationship. Begin now. And do the best you can.

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

FREE Coaching Opportunity
($250 VALUE)

The real value of a comp session? PRICELESS!

What clients say about
the power of coaching with Deborah

Click here to sign up for a 60-minute
complimentary coaching session with Deborah.

What readers say about
the impact of Deborah’s book

Click here to explore Deborah’s book.

© Copyright 2016 DJW Life Coach LLC. All rights reserved.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Falling in Love With Yourself, Love, Fear & Gremlins | Tagged Deborah Jane Wells, From fear to love, How to love myself, How to love yourself, Love or fear, What is fear, What is self-love | Leave a comment

Living and Loving from Gratitude

Posted on February 5, 2016 by djwlifecoach

“Be joyful even when you
have considered all the facts.”
Wendell Berry

Jennifer has recently been through a painful divorce and she’s not sleeping well. She’s having difficulties with her children, who blame her for the divorce. Her work life is rocky as well and sometimes she’s unsure if she’s in the right career.

What she thinks: Yes, life is rough right now, but every life has difficult times. Really, I am so grateful to be alive, for my children, for my home, my good health, all that I have.

Robert has lots of everything—a nice apartment in the city, a well-paying job, new car, nice clothes. But he didn’t get that last promotion at work. His last vacation was a disappointment and, no matter how hard he tries, he just can’t save money.

What he thinks: I just don’t understand why things are going wrong. It just doesn’t seem fair when I work so hard. People don’t appreciate me and I deserve better than this.

Robert’s approach is about holding a grievance—about what’s missing or wrong. Jennifer’s is about being grateful for all you have.

Gratitude is a super power!

Gratitude isn’t a new idea; most spiritual practices and philosophies emphasize gratitude and compassion for others. But in recent years gratitude has shifted from being an idea to a concrete tool that people can use to become happier and healthier. This practice focuses on appreciating all that you have and all that others have done for you and de-emphasizes scarcity thinking and being angry or blaming others for your problems.

“When we develop a sense of appreciation for those around us and cultivate a sense of gratitude for life itself, we are relieved of the burden that comes with seeing ourselves as ‘victims,’” writes Greg Krech in Gratitude, Grace and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection.

Krech calls this state of appreciation “grace,” a term used in many religions. However, grace as a practice is more than a belief, it’s a shift in thinking. Or as Krech puts it: “It’s the difference between seeing life as an entitlement and seeing it as a gift.”

However it is practiced, gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Yes, pain and injustice and cruelty exist in this world. But when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. We often feel more energized to reach out and help others; we feel we have some power to positively affect our world. This again leads to a feeling of well-being and gratitude. It’s a self-sustaining cycle!

In her book Radical Gratitude, author and speaker Ellen Vaughn tells the story of a soldier in Vietnam, imprisoned as a POW for seven years. When he returned to the United States, he was startled at the small things people complained about. He decided then he would never stop being grateful for everything in his life, no matter how difficult.

Of course, most of us don’t have such extreme experiences to help us count our blessings. In their book Seasons of Grace: The Life-Giving Practice of Gratitude, authors Alan Jones and John O’Neil write that practicing gratitude can be as simple as writing a thank you note, working in the garden, walking on the beach aware of nature’s gifts, telling someone you love what you appreciate about her/him. It’s more than what you do, it’s the attitude with which you do it.

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude
fosters a life of generous, effortless,
gracious flow filled with faith,
hope, prosperity, peace and joy.

Consider the following exercise for putting gratitude into action in your relationships with people close to you—family, friends and colleagues:

Invest 10 minutes in discerning what specifically you appreciate about the person.
It may help to ask yourself a few questions in advance: What were some of the highlights—your first meeting, fun times when you laughed, etc.? What specific qualities do you admire about her/him? What efforts by this other person have helped your relationship navigate and withstand difficult times?
Share the results with the person, requesting that he or she not make judgments or negate any of the appreciative comments.

This simple exercise helps you stop taking your life for granted by reawakening your awareness and appreciation for the gift of your relationships.

Now try it on yourself! Unconditional love and gratitude begin with you!

Author’s content adapted under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

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Posted in All My Blog Posts, Gratitude, Prosperity & Abundance | Tagged Deborah Jane Wells, What is abundance, What is gratitude, What is prosperity | Leave a comment

The Land of Peace (Part 2 of 2)

Posted on January 29, 2016 by djwlifecoach

by Guest Blogger, David Howard
Spiritual Leader, Unity Spiritual Center Denver

And now, the insightful conclusion to “The Land of Peace”

So, the young prince entered his MIND, closed his eyes, and voila—with one thought he was transported. As he opened his eyes and looked around, he was a bit perplexed. He saw the same landscape, the same houses, and the same people. His surroundings appeared to be unchanged. In that moment, he began to doubt himself. He thought, “Oh, I must have done something wrong. I must have misinterpreted the vision. Maybe I’m not smart after all. Maybe I just can’t do it right. Maybe I’m too young to try this anyway.” And, the thoughts continued in a similar spiral.

As he began to observe through his MIND, he saw that the houses were worn and old and ugly. As he encountered his neighbors and family, he saw that some were skinny, some were fat, some were old, some were white, and some were black. In his MIND, labels and judgments began to appear where before only acceptance and love had been. While they looked the same, something was different. In that moment, he realized that he was no longer in Peace.

Never before had it occurred to him that he was different from all others, but in his MIND he began to think thoughts of a separate self. People were talking to him, and he heard words that sounded like criticism and blame. For the first time in his life, he saw himself alone and felt lonely.

He felt something odd happening. His body began to ache and feel heavy. His heart raced. His head pounded. He thought “I just want to run away and hide.” These feelings and thoughts were unknown to him; he did not know what to do.He ran to get away from them, but no matter how hard or fast he ran, he kept meeting his own thoughts, the thoughts that separated him from all that he encountered. He thought, “What could be happening to me? Where am I? It all seems so familiar, yet so foreign.”

As he continued to wander around, his body began to get tired and weary from all the discomfort he was experiencing. Navigating in his MIND was beginning to feel heavy and weigh him down. In the moment that he was about to collapse, he came upon the tall live oak tree, so he decided to walk over and sit in its shade for a bit. As he rested, he soon fell asleep and began to dream.

In the dream, he saw a light in the distance. The light intrigued him, and he began to stare at it. As he focused, the light seemed to grow larger and move nearer. Being the curious explorer that he was, he arose and walked toward the light. He wanted to know what it was. As he grew closer he noticed that the light was not just a light, but that it seemed to have form. He experienced no hesitation, only a sense of wonder and awe. As the light became more clearly visible, it began to look familiar. When he was nearly face to face with the light, he stopped. He was amazed to realize that the light looked exactly like him. Surprised by the vision, he asked “Who are you, and why are you here?”

The light replied, “I am you, my friend, and I am here to remind you of your truth and show you the way home.”

“What do you mean you are me? How can you remind me of my truth?” asked the young prince.

The light replied.

“I am the light that is your true nature. I am that part of you that speaks in the silence whenever you stop to listen. I am always with you to remind of who you really are. You see, you have been exploring a realm where false evidence appears to be real. It’s called FEAR. In this realm the limiting thoughts you have of another or of yourself seem to be real, but they are just illusions that appear when your MIND takes you to FEAR. Because the light does not shine as brightly there, FEAR is often a dark, dreary place. It’s difficult to see clearly, so things appear to be what they are not. The heaviness you felt also happens in FEAR. It is how the body reacts to the atmosphere. When you are in this heavy, dark place, it can be difficult, if not impossible to remember that you are a prince of Peace. If you stay there long enough, it can become challenging to find your way back home. There are some who have been there so long that Peace seems to be only a distant dream.”

“You created this device you call your MIND so that you can explore other realms. You created it so well that every thought takes you precisely where you choose to go. It is indeed an amazing creation and very powerful. It can be used for wondrous things if you do not allow it to become heavy and burdensome. Always remember that you created it, and it is yours to use. Remember, too, that it does not have to be used to take you from Peace; it can be used in Peace as well. I am here to remind you that you have the power to choose the thoughts you think in your MIND and to control where it takes you. It is entirely up to you.”

With that, the light was gone and the young prince awoke.

When he awoke the prince remembered the dream vividly. He immediately closed his eyes, and thought of his family and friends and all the love that surrounds him in Peace. Then he shook his head, and when he opened his eyes, he instantly began to feel lighter. As he looked around, he was aware of the same trees, the same houses, the same people, yet something was different yet again. Now, instead of old, ugly, fat, thin, white or black, he saw only the beauty and the perfection of everything, and he felt warm and safe and joyous. He thought of what the light had told him in his dream and realized that his light was now shining so brightly that he was able to see everything in its true nature. That’s when he realized that he was back in Peace.

He ran home as fast as he could and began telling his parents all about his adventure. They celebrated with him for a time, and when the excitement subsided, his mother asked him, “Would you be willing to share with me the wisdom that came to you through this wondrous time of exploration?”

The young prince stopped for a moment in wonder. He was delighted that he was being asked to share his wisdom, and was pleased to be able to give his mother this gift.

After a few moments of contemplation he said, “Well Mother, I have learned that you and Father were right, I do indeed have the power to go anywhere and do anything I choose. I can even choose to explore the realm of FEAR for a time if that’s what I want to do, but I also learned that FEAR can be a pretty scary place.Most importantly, I learned that even if I visit FEAR, I know that I can return home to Peace with just one thought.”

As he was about to run out the door to join his playmates, he turned to his Mother and said, “If you really want to go there, I’m pretty sure your light will show up to remind you how to get home. In case you forget, just remember to listen. Remember who you are. We all have that choice.”

And with that, the prince of Peace was off on yet another exciting adventure.

About the Author
David Howard, Spiritual Leader
Unity Spiritual Center Denver, Colorado

David Howard’s mission is to encourage and inspire the realization of Oneness. Prior to moving to Denver to become the Spiritual Leader at Unity Spiritual Center Denver, David was Spiritual Leader at Unity of Arlington in Arlington, Texas for six years. He is a Licensed Unity Teacher, and plans to enter the Field Licensing Program through Unity Worldwide Ministries to obtain his ministerial license and ordination. Before joining Unity of Arlington, David was a minister at the Center for Life Enrichment, an independent New Thought ministry in Dallas, TX for five years. David is a native of Augusta, Georgia, home of The Masters (for you golf fans).

He is an impassioned speaker who brings his authenticity and humility to every talk. David is an avid student of metaphysics and New Thought philosophy. He enjoys leading classes and workshops on a variety of topics. David also loves the energy of the group meditations he facilitates. He is the author of In This Moment: Prayers from the Well of Awareness, a collection of affirmative prayers that he wrote during the period 2001 – 2006 while ministering in Dallas.

Click here to browse his frequent blog posts. David is also an accomplished vocalist who has released Spark, an album of songs composed and originally recorded by well-known artists including Jackson Browne, Sara Hickman, Jeff Black and others, and also includes an original composition, “Cicadas.”

David’s vision for Unity Spiritual Center Denver is a community of individuals who are committed to the recognition, realization and revelation of the expression of God that each of us is, and who are dedicated to creating an environment in which others can do the same.

Posted in All My Blog Posts, Guest Bloggers, Love, Fear & Gremlins, Mindfulness, Meditation & Peace | Tagged David Howard, Deborah Jane Wells, From fear to love, Love or fear, Unity Spiritual Center Denver, What is fear, What is mindfulness, What is peace | Leave a comment

The Land of Peace (Part 1 of 2)

Posted on January 22, 2016 by djwlifecoach

by Guest Blogger, David Howard
Spiritual Leader, Unity Spiritual Center Denver

While there is nothing magical about turning the page of a calendar from December to January, the beginning of each New Year holds the promise and potential for a new beginning. It is up to us to take advantage of this opportunity by making new choices moment by moment. When we set a clear intention to make positive changes in our lives powerful and surprising demonstrations can, and often do occur.

While we are not in control of everything that happens in our lives, we are in authority over it. Our authority lies in our freedom and ability to choose our thoughts, thus shift our perspective and determine how we will respond.

We claim our authority first by becoming consciously aware of our mental activity, which includes our thoughts and feelings. Only by becoming consciously aware of them can we choose something different. As long as we allow them to remain unconscious, we give them power to determine our experience by default.

It is vitally important that we understand the power of the mind (thoughts and feeling) to determine how we experience life, and to realize the power that we have to affect it. We are not in control of everything that happens, but we are in control of what we think. I encourage us to claim our authority and embrace every moment of every year with a renewed commitment to own the power within us to determine our present and our future.

As I was reviewing files on my computer this week, I rediscovered a story I wrote several years ago as a final project for a class. It speaks directly to the authority each of us has to determine our life experience and to remember our truth. I hope you enjoy it.

The Land of Peace
by David Howard

I invite you to come with me to a place that is beyond what we know as space and time. It truly is no place at all and exists only as the Eternal Now. Come with me to this mystical realm where abundance abounds and there is no thought of lack. Here, everyone has enough to eat, and no one takes more than is needed to sustain them. Everyone has a home, and not one more elaborate than the other. Each one is clothed and warm. The land is revered. All living things are honored for the expression of life that they are. Creativity is celebrated, but there are no celebrities. There are no laws here, except the one Law of Love.

This is not a realm that is ruled by a king or a queen, yet each of its citizens is a prince or a princess. And, like any prince or princess, each one inherits all the abundant riches of realm as a birthright to use in any way they choose. Each is heir to all the wonders he or she can behold. From birth, everyone is encouraged to know that he or she is born into a royal heritage and possess all the knowledge to choose his or her own path in each and every moment of each and every day. All who abide here know that they have the power to command of this realm anything they desire, because, after all, they are all princes and princesses. They are not told what to do or not to do, what is right and wrong, good or bad. In this realm, everyone lives from his or her own guidance and inspiration. No one struggles to be or to do anything other than what they are called to do in the moment. There is nowhere to go or nowhere to be, other than here.

You may be asking, “So, where is this place that is no place? What is this magical realm beyond time?”

It is an oft forgotten, yet ever-present realm known simply to all who live there as Peace.

In this land, there once lived a young man, himself a Prince of Peace, who was a born explorer. Always curious, he questioned everything. He was always asking his mother or father, “Who? What? Why? When? To which they would always reply, “You have the answer. You only need listen to your own wisdom.”

To which he would always reply, “But, I want to know now!”

One day as he was sitting beneath the shade of an ancient live oak tree, his treasured spot to sit and ponder, he had a thought, “I wonder if there is something beyond this land of Peace, some other realm different, unique, and exciting—just waiting for me to discover it.”

As was his practice, he immediately ran to ask his parents. Who, much to his dismay, said to him, “You have the answer. You only need listen to your own wisdom.”

To which he replied, “But, I want to know now!”

So off he went asking others in the realm if they knew. No one claimed to have any personal knowledge of such a place. There were some who said they had heard rumors of a far away realm, but as far as anyone knew no one had ever left the serenity of Peace. Not one person could tell the young prince anything that would satisfy his curiosity. Everyone he asked said virtually the same thing, yet no one discounted the possibility that there might be another realm, for in Peace, all potentiality exists. They were all content to abide in Peace and enjoy the comfort and prosperity of the realm. Although they provided no useful information, no one tried to convince the young prince of Peace not to explore, for in Peace each one is supportive of the other’s unique expression. Even though no one in Peace shared his curiosity, because the prince had always been encouraged to trust himself and follow his own guidance, he could not discount his thought that such a place must exist.

Knowing as he did that all possibility exists in the field of pure potential, he decided that he was going to venture out and indeed discover if there was another realm beyond his home land. As he pondered the possibility, he realized that he had no means of travel, after all no one in Peace had ever left, so of course no one had need of transportation. Being a Prince of Peace, he did not let this stand in his way. As he had heard many times from his parents, he knew that the solution would arise from his innate creativity and inspiration as he allowed it.

So, one day as he once again sat in quiet reflection beneath the ancient live oak, an idea came. He leapt up in excitement and immediately began to sketch the vision that he had received. Once the plan was firmly envisioned and set down on paper, he began the process of constructing his transport vehicle, which he called the Modular Interdimensional Navigational Device or MIND for short. It was revealed to him in his vision that with this device he would be able to travel anywhere with just a thought. Of course the manifestation of the device progressed without delay or interference because in Peace there is nothing that impedes the fulfillment of an inspired vision.

When the device was finished, he ran through the realm announcing to his friends and family that he was leaving on a new venture. They all cheered and wished him well without any thought of concern, because in the land of Peace there is no judgment. Everyone knows that freedom abounds and all choice is allowed…

Tune in next Friday, 1/29/16 for the conclusion to “The Land of Peace.”

About the Author
David Howard, Spiritual Leader
Unity Spiritual Center Denver, Colorado

The Not-So-Good Opinions of Others

Posted on January 15, 2016 by djwlifecoach

A couple of weeks ago, I received from Hay House one of its ongoing insightful emails based on the lessons of ascended master teacher Wayne Dyer. Because I’ve immersed myself in so much of Wayne’s work through the years, I was ready to delete this email without opening it because I have so many to process when I wake up in the morning.

By embracing the fear-fueled belief that I have too much to do and too little time in which to accomplish it, I was already choosing to start my day by embracing the scarcity mindset (uh-oh). But grace abounds! Despite my sense of needing to hurry and delete without reading anything I deemed non-essential, I opened Wayne’s email.

Is anyone surprised that I found the perfect encouragement for a situation I had encountered the day before when someone chose to respond judgmentally and non-compassionately to an email from me asking friends and family to send prayers of support and healing energy for my husband and myself because we had just learned that my husband needed to be scheduled for a 2.5 hour out-of-town surgery just one week later that would entail 23 hours in recovery?

And, is anyone surprised that, stressed out by the many tasks I was juggling to put all the details in place with short notice while suppressing my own anxiety over the surgery’s outcome, that night I became sobbingly enraged over the respondent showing up with arrogance and a cold heart as he so typically does?

While I didn’t share my reaction with the offender, I chose to poison myself again and again by cycling back through my sense of outrage, injustice and betrayal throughout the evening. That’s what happens when we react judgmentally to being judged unfairly—which is exactly what I was doing. I was responding judgmentally to someone being judgmental with me. It would be downright funny if the ramifications weren’t so lethal. Adding insult to injury, every time I rehash painful past experiences, I choose to re-injure myself by generating the same toxic cortisol stress cocktail in my system that I originally fostered during my chosen reaction to the initial experience.

Fortunately, the light dawned when Wayne intervened with this wise reminder before I got that cycle going again the morning after the big affront:

“Perhaps the greatest mistake we make, which causes a loss of self-respect, is making the opinions of others more important than our own opinion of ourselves. Self-respect means just what it says—it originates from the self. This self originated in a universal field of intention that intended you here—from the infinite formless state to a being of molecules and physical substance. If you fail to respect yourself, you’re showing contempt for the process of Creation.

“You’ll find no shortage of opinions directed at you. If you allow them to undermine your self-respect, you’re seeking the respect of others over your own, and you’re abdicating yourself. Then you’re attempting to reconnect to the field of intention with low-energy attitudes of judgment, hostility, and anxiety. You’ll cycle into low-energy vibrations that will simply force you to attract more and more of these lower energies into your life. Remember, it’s high energy that nullifies and converts lower energy. Light eradicates darkness; love dissolves hate. If you’ve allowed any of those lower negative thoughts and opinions directed your way to become the basis of your self-portrait, you’re asking the universal mind to do the same. Why? Because at the high frequencies, the universal Source of intention is pure creativeness, love, kindness, beauty, and abundance. Self-respect attracts the higher energy. Lack of self-respect attracts the lower. It knows no other way.

“The negative view points of others represent their low-energy ego working on you. Very simple, if you’re judging anyone, you aren’t loving them at that moment. The judgements coming your way, likewise, are unloving but have nothing to do with your self-respect. Their judgements (and yours as well) distance you from your Source, and therefore away from your power of intention. As my friend and colleague Gerald Jampolsky observed, ‘When I am able to resist the temptation to judge others, I can see them as teachers of forgiveness in my life, reminding me that I can only have peace of mind when I forgive rather than judge.’

“This is how you return to the self in self-respect. Rather than judging those who judge you, thereby lowering your self-respect, you send them a silent blessing of forgiveness and imagine them doing the same toward you. You’re connecting to intention and guaranteeing that you’ll always respect the divinity that you are. You’ve cleared the path to be able to enjoy the great power that is yours in the field of intention.”

Whatever you encounter, whatever your circumstances, showing up fueled by constructive core energy based in unconditional love, respect, curiosity, compassion and gratitude will always serve the highest good for all, in all, through all.

Note to self, behave accordingly.